Comments on: Much Ado About Lesbian Bed Death

By: Tami

Tami — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 10:29:21 +0000

yup…i totally agree!

with 4 kids between the two of us, my crazy commute, our kids dance, football, basketball, swimming and you name it practices… we dont sex nearly as much.

i mean we wtill make it a point to goto bed at night cuddled up and do little playful things here and there. but usually, the only time we have alone together is in the evenings…and after the kids finally get to bed, we usually wind up falling asleep ourselves. Most of the time my gf will lay on me and fall asleep on my while watching tv. Just the past week we fell asleep 2x in the living room! LOL.

sometimes me mind is like, i really want to make love…but my body can't move! LOL. its still an incredible feeling to lay down with her at night and sometimes when i try to move over she grabs me back…

so yes, i think we are suffering from lesbian bed death. but honestly, im happy. i take my joy in the little things we do, and sweet messages and touches that we share.
Tami´s last blog ..Going To The Chapel…

By: LaurynX

LaurynX — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 20:26:31 +0000

Yea, I never really thought that the so called "lesbian bed death" only happened to lesbians. I think all couples go through periods of no sexual encounters, like you said. If I ever experience this I have ideas on how to fix it lol. Thanks for this.

By: Knowledge

Knowledge — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 15:50:33 +0000

Chanel, I hope you handled that business. Thanks for your insight into this.

By: Knowledge

Knowledge — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 15:46:01 +0000

Sublimefemme, thank for the read and comments! I don't think this plays out all that much different with butch-femme couples, but I do think that within the dynamic there's a greater intuition already in place where one partner is more sexually dominant be that the butch or the femme. I've been in relationships where I was dating a femme and she was far more aggressive than I sexually, and then the exact opposite where I was dominant but would have been content with a balance or for my femme to be more expressive. Ultimately, this is something I believe affects all couples to varying degrees and the urge to merge thing being a libido-killer— I highly doubt that myself. It may kill the libido within that particular relationship stucture, but I think either one or both just may be getting their rocks off elsewhere. Which brings me to my final thought on this, even if a couple is experiencing a lax in sex together, that doesn't mean either one or both aren't self pleasuring or even worse, pleasuring someone else. I wonder about the validity of the studies done on this as it pertains to alternate means of sexual pleasure when the couple is going through a drought. This is not to say it is the standard, but I think it's often understood that it's usually something that effects one or the other, usually not both at the same time. There are so many factors in play, so this was just a broad, general view with a dab of personal experience thrown into the mix. Thanks again for stopping by!

By: Milly

Milly — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 15:17:06 +0000

Awesome post, thanks for tipping us off about it on Lesbilicious.co.uk!

By: Sublimefemme

Sublimefemme — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 16:29:45 +0000

This is a terrific post! I'm so glad you shared your suggestions and personal experiences, which are really helpful. For me, going on anti-depressants was a huge problem because it affected both my libido and sexual response. And no one told me that some of these issues don't just go away when you go off the medication (!)

I love the Carpe Diem thing. Of course, that's what we all do in the early stages of the relationship, but after you've been together for a long time it becomes so easy to think about all the reasons why you *can't* carpe diem.

The term "lesbian bed death" used to really piss me off. I think you're right that other couples deal with this problem too. However, I think I read somewhere that the lesbian "urge to merge" is often a libido-killer. With that in mind, do you think any of this plays out differently for butch-femme couples? (I know it's a generalization to speak of b-f couples in this way, but it still seems like a valid question)

By: AJ

AJ — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 11:08:10 +0000

Well Professor Sex, thanks for the ideas here. When I was in a relationship, I would often allow myself to kiss her and hug her even if I wasn't in the mood. There were times when we didn't even have to have sex..just cuddle..and talk about strange things, since I'm strange like that

By: Glennisha Morgan

Glennisha Morgan — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 19:12:23 +0000

This was very thoroughly written. Great tips too. Like you said, I think this can be used for all couples beyond lesbians.

By: Chanel

Chanel — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 18:28:37 +0000

This is a really great & informative post. Packed with lots of good tips! Love it. I first heard about leasbian bed death a few yrs back and was like oh hell no, never happen to me cuz i like sex too much. Pssh. 4 yrs in a relationship, school, work & life in general will do it to ya. lol. These tips u gave, and that last lil visual…lol. Yea buddy! Im thinkin my gf & i r about to have a good wkend and im gonna go hm an get it started RIGHT.