Late Blooming Lezzies
Most women know the exact moment in life when they began to question their attraction to another woman. I recall talking to my mom some years back after being outed, and reflecting on the questions and comments she was asking me. She desperately wanted someone to blame for my sexuality, a reason why I was attracted to other women, and she wanted to know how this could have happened to her daughter. Well, after years of playing the blame game I finally sat my mom down and had a serious talk where I explained that although I may not have had any outward sexual attractions to either sex while growing up, I always had fond and strong attractions and feelings for women. I’d always admired strong women and I could never quite understand why. I suppressed the sexual nature of my admiration as best I could, until I became of age and my curiosity finally got the better of me. Due to ideas and values instilled within my mom as a child and young adult, she considered my sexuality a colossal parenting failure on her part. Thankfully, with time and lots of long talks she no longer feels this way.
In some ways I feel fortunate to have been able to discover my sexuality while on the cusp of young adulthood. Still, there are times when I feign envy of gays and lesbians who have been aware of their sexuality since grade school. Typically, you don’t hear many stories from women who began to question and subsequently discover their sexual orientation as an adult, and one well past their 20s. Often this is a confusing and frightening time for especially for married women, mothers with children, pets, cars and an entire household to manage. These women are called “late bloomers” or women who may or may never have considered the possibility of being with another women, let alone the knowledge that they could be a lesbian. That is, until something or more specifically someone enters their world and turns it upside down.
As feelings grow and expand she must eventually come to terms with her sexual attraction and deeper realizations centering on whether or not she will explore further or continue to suppress. Family plays a particularly important role because they can either make or break a late bloomers courage to face their sexual curiosity. There is so much at stake, so any woman, straight or bisexual, who finds herself in such a predicament should allow herself time. She could take that time to fall in love or simply to reflect on wants, desires, needs and most importantly eventual happiness and total peace of mind so that she can discover all of the possibilities. She should read others experiences so she is able to familiarize herself with the journey ahead. One that she may decide she can no longer resist embarking upon. It’s an exploration of souls that beings in the heart, mind and body as no one can make her realize what she may already know deep down.
The truth of the matter is that it could just be a one-time attraction or it could be the one attraction to rule them all, and a life-changing occurrence if feelings are pursued and reciprocated in turn. So, if you think you may be a lesbian, allow yourself plenty of time to make conscious decisions born of love, not lust not only because ones sexual orientation encompasses far more than a changing of the guard, so to speak, but because this adventure may just be the beginning of the rest of your life.