Mothers Always Know

Blessed_Bond_by_mtykwan
Mom thinks I’m gay
As if
my rainbow
reflects
backwards
only
In the middle of day
Hello…
I hold hands
with women
while hiding
my feminine
in back pockets
And what is this gay recruitment
Bullshit
she’s been speaking so much of
Do my actions deceive them
turn their heads sideways
pump lesbian
into their bodies
But only on odd days
Must I lurk
in their mental
when she
thinks
their
minds
are closed-
to the idea
of another woman
discovering places
no man has gone
Go on
sniff some more
my bottle of
empty men’s cologne
rip open
my dresser drawers
my closet treasures
and unlocked doors
where hiding forgotten
my thoughts sit
festering
far too long
No more!
Tears
well
surely
in her
 dark brown pupils-
the light bulb
mothers turn on and off so often
no longer futile-
moms voice is foolish
each time she’s met with resistance
takes a toll
to see my picture
drawn on her face
yet remain distant
Here we go again…
“Did the sun shine too brightly that day”
she asks
or
“was I born of an altered reality”
perhaps;
a man and woman
moms body unmoving
would she mind not retracing
for our footsteps are interwoven
searching for the time
she dropped me on my head
Doesn’t exist
Thinking
maybe
it was
the result of
a gene abnormality
yes
that’s it
why you were blessed
my dearest mom
with a daughter
whose identity was set
from day one
besides
In all that time
~I’ve never questioned it once~

Comments

comments

Comments

5 Responses to “Mothers Always Know”
  1. Mellogyrl says:

    Love this piece, well said hun!!! thank you is not enough!!!
    .-= Mellogyrl´s last blog ..No Title Yet =-.

  2. vanessa says:

    this was WONDERFUl!! I loved it!

    i came out to my mom about ten years ago. she still thinks its a phase lol

    our convo went like this:

    me: mom i have something very difficult to tell you.

    mom: what? youre a LESbian?

    me: (silence)

    mom: (silence)

    me: (silence)

    mom: (silence)

    me: …………*deep sigh*………yes.

    *mutual stare down*

    we havent spoken about it since really.

    she doesnt like to say the word 'lesbian' and wont refer to women in my life as girlfriends or partners. they are always "she" and "your friend" lmao
    .-= vanessa´s last blog ..in the absence of love =-.

  3. FG says:

    this is so good, but so sad. i'm sorry that your mom is difficult, and i'm sorry that moms in general are difficult. even mine, who says she is an ally, a feminist, progressive, liberal — even she is difficult, especially around my butch partner.
    .-= FG´s last blog ..life in the straight world =-.

  4. LaurynX says:

    🙂 I can never tell really what my mom thinks, haven't even had a convo about it. Tho after I had a convo w/ my dad about it, the next day I heard the word "homophobia" come out of her mouth for the first time ever.
    .-= LaurynX´s last blog ..Lesbian Couple Celebrates 70th Anniversary =-.

  5. Knowledge says:

    Mello — thank you is more than enough… im just glad you could feel where I was coming from.

    Vanessa — My mom is the same way, she calls my girlfriends my "friend" or my "buddy" she'll even go so far as say partner, but all in an attempt to avoid saying "lesbian." Ah, mothers…

    FG — Moms definitely mean well, so well sometimes they don't understand how hurtful their well meaning ways can be, but above all else, there is love and respect and I'll never lose either of those for my mom. She's my heart.

    Lauryn — Wow, that's really something, the fact that you've never had a conversation with your mom about it. All in good time though…. it wasn't easy for me and despite how my poem might come off, she has come a LOOOOOOOOONG way. The progress is slowly, but surely. There's always hope.

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