Why Women Fake Orgasms

Orgasm_by_mathioleI’ve faked orgasms before. When I was young and didn’t know any better. I thought there was something wrong with me. I didn’t want my lovers to know that they were not satisfying my needs. Instead, I practiced the art of giving pleasure and became very good at it. So good that I didn’t have to pretend to be a “touch me not” because by then I’d gotten it down to a science. My formula would serve to alleviate the frutration of not reaching orgasm because since I didn’t know how to please my body, neither did my lovers. 

Fast-forward a few years to the first time a girlfriend gave me an orgasm. It was mind blowing. My first girlfriend took me halfway there, but I’d never relinquished complete control of my body in such a forceful, unexpected and exhilarating manner before. Up to that point, no one had ever pleased me exactly as I wanted. I felt my toes curl, followed up by an addictive, wonderful rush. When I finally came down from the high, I took a few moments to think back and shake my head at the pathetic attempts I had made at faking the funk. When I compared the faked orgasms to the real ones, the differences were downright glaring and obvious. I couldn’t believe no one had called me on it or bothered to inquire at any point. After finally experiencing what I’d been missing for so long, I resigned myself to never fake an orgasm again.

On the journey of discovering the joys of orgasm, the first thing I needed to do was become completely comfortable with my body and myself. I had set patterns within the sexual aspects of my relationships that weren’t completely enjoyable, no matter how much my girl was being pleased. I was not communicating any of this so my girlfriend’s were unaware of my discontent. I became complacent and no longer catered to my wants, needs and sexual desires unless they centered around my desire for her. My entire focus shifted wholly onto pleasing my partners. To spare them and myself the disappointment of an unrealized orgasm, I’d decline their invitation to return the favor and discover other ways to wet my whistle.

Women don’t need to have an orgasm to enjoy sex. Because of this, the deceit fueling fake orgasms  persists. But only for as long as you allow it to continue. Faking an orgasm is counter-productive no matter how much you want to spare your partners feelings or the disappointment it brings when they can’t give you release. Sex should be intense, not tense, and fun, not stressed.

The cures? Communication, lots of foreplay and honesty. Have you told your partner what is pleasing to you and what is not? Do you even know? If not, you need to find out what buttons to push, what spots make you drop it like its hot and this can be done by yourself or with your understanding partner. Masturbation is practical and recommended. If you’re a prude when it comes to pleasing yourself, you can work through it with the help of your partner. How can you tell someone else what pleases you if you don’t know yourself?  Faking orgasms only to express your discontent later on can cause major trust issues, not to mention the fact that it’s hurtful. If you aren’t satisfied after sex, it will begin to show in the relationship. It can manifest itself into other emotional areas of your life as well. There is a reason a womans glow is bright enough to be noticeable after she’s had great sex. Good sex radiates. The opposite can be said if she’s sexually frustrated.

Something we aren’t properly taught when it comes to sex is that along with everything else, practice makes perfect. Has the stage already been set for open communication? If not, it’s never too late. If you’re both the kind of lovers that are considerate and willing to learn together, you’ve got a recipe for success. It could be that neither were aware that the other was not having their needs met. Approach this with patience and understanding. If one or both of you is selfish, stubborn and unwilling to make adjustments to improve your sex life, you might want to reevaluate certain other aspects of the relationship. Ask yourself how your unwillingness to adapt coincides with your sex life. 

Another major detractor to the orgasm is a woman who is unable to relax, especially if she has a negative body image. Sexual pleasure can be greatly inhibited by the stress this causes. Our brain is our biggest sex organ and if her mind is on something else, such as worrying about her thighs or stomach or if she feels pressured to perform a certain way, it’s going to be more difficult for her to reach orgasm. 

Incorporating very direct and wide open communication into your sexual relationship will work wonders for your sex life. Look at it like this, what more could it hurt that isn’t already being negatively affected? Sex doesn’t always have to be one particular way. And since a woman doesn’t need intercourse to have an orgasm, she can achieve this high through a number of factors. Consider bringing toys into the bedroom even as a way to break the ice and release tension. Experiment and have fun, laugh a little while trying different positions. One of the most pertinent keys to a healthy sex life is confidence. I can’t say this enough. Foreplay, foreplay and more foreplay. It can be just as rewarding as sex. As a lead up to something extra special, taking your time can have her ready, waiting and wanting you in ways you’d never imagined. Sexually uninhibited women are made, not born.

On average, it takes most women between 20-30 minutes to reach orgasm. Depending on the circumstances, you’ll want to ensure she’s aroused by paying special attention to her body, its reactions, her verbal release, facial expressions, and previously communicated needs. Remember, nobody knows your body like you. Alternately, she knows her body better than anyone else, no matter what little white lie she told you stating otherwise. Communicate your desires, educate your lover, and don’t be afraid to give your partner the direction they may need when it comes time to please. Don’t be afraid to hurt feelings because in the long run, a healthy sex life makes for a much healthier relationship. 

Last, but not least while we’re on the topic. Have you ever faked not having an orgasm when you actually had? I’ll probably make a poll with that question if I don’t get any feedback. Thanks for reading.

image credit: matheus lopes castro

Comments

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Comments

9 Responses to “Why Women Fake Orgasms”
  1. Lipstickiss707 says:

    I dont fake them as often as I used to. I've communicated my wants and needs to my partner, but for lack of a better word, she's a PRUDE. Now, instead of faking, I am unresponsive if its not good, or worse, I avoid sex all together…..

  2. SteadyCat says:

    *takes notes* 🙂
    .-= SteadyCat´s last blog ..A Little Bit Never Hurts =-.

  3. Mellogyrl says:

    All that you have said is so true, and thank you for sharing!!!
    Communication & foreplay is huge for me and if my brain is not 100% engaged in the act there is no way i can reach that high!!!
    And to ans. your question
    "Have you ever faked not having an orgasm when you actually had? "
    Nope, that would be very difficult for me!!! my body responds all to well!!! lol

    You always provide a great read!!!
    .-= Mellogyrl´s last blog ..The End =-.

  4. TomboyTigress says:

    I remember back in the day when a real orgasm was elusive to me…the way everyone described it to me sounded amazing, but none of the things they were describing was happening for me…so I tried to fake it too. And you hit the nail right on the head when you said when you finally experienced a real one that differences between the real and the fake are downright glaring and obvious.

    I'm not certain I could have pulled off a fake one with a female, luckily for me, I've never had to…I, like you, am a giver…and honestly, sometimes giving her pleasure is enough to do me in.

    But I have been with women who were uncomfortable with themselves in some way, insecure…with body issues that kept them from relaxing fully into the moment. Communication is most definitely important in this situation especially. A sensitive, loving approach to reassure her that you find her beautiful in every way…but ultimately, she has to believe that within herself.

    And to answer your question "Have you ever faked NOT having an orgasm when you actually had?" –my answer is no…but I chuckle to think of the circumstances where that might be necessary. 🙂

  5. FG says:

    oh man, i feel like the cat's out of the bag…why did you have to ask that question??

    yes, i have faked not having an orgasm when i actually did. quite a bit, in fact. though having orgasms is a good thing, i would say that this tendency is actually rooted in the same kind of sexual insecurity that prompts people to fake having them — i worry that if i let my partner know i had one, then the sex will be over.

    and i am quite multi-orgasmic. i tend to have two or three tiny orgasms, sort of like flutters, and then a couple of intense big ones. so the little ones are not as satisfying as the big ones, and i want to hold out for the big ones. but if my partner knows i came, she might decide that she's tired out and her job is done. so the sexual insecurity comes in for me (maybe you know the drill — 'i don't deserve real pleasure, maybe i should be satisfied with what i have, i shouldn't be demanding, etc…), and i try and hide the little ones. however, i'm a terrible liar! so now my partner recognizes my guilty face as i try to pretend i didn't have one, and the game is up.

    phew, that was a long story. anyone else?? don't leave me all by myself now!
    .-= FG´s last blog ..laboring =-.

  6. TheGoldenGoddess says:

    I absolutely love this post and learned so much from it, which dictates that I will return to revisit it. Your writing is sincere and powerful.

    Am on my way to devour other entries before I retire for the night.

    Great job!

    Peace and love,

    TheGoldenGoddess

    p.s.

    The other bloggers provided lovely insight as well! I relished it all!!!!

  7. @brian_shelby says:

    Communication, Communication, Communication. You’ve hit the nail right on the head. Unfortunately though it would seem that a lot of women have a very pore body image. I don’t know that there can be much done for someone who doesn’t like the skin there in. If they don’t feel good about themselves there isn’t a force on earth that can make them, either. Rock On! XOXO Brian

  8. Skinnywild.com says:

    Some women swear by clitoral orgasms while others prefer G-spot or vaginal orgasms, and of course, there are the lucky few that enjoy both. Obviously, many women achieve clitoral orgasms with less difficulty because the clitoris is easier to locate and manipulate than say the G-spot.

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