Men and Love: A Guys Point of View
By John Drew
Love is one of those words that is abused, kind of like DECIMATE. Decimate means 10% but everyone who uses the word means totally or maybe all but 10% and we have come to accept the misuse of the word. Love is like that, people say I Love You, what they mean is right now I am happy and you may be the reason for that happiness. I will try to explain “LOVE” the way I have come to know it. First, before I start let me let you know who is writing. I am 65 years old, I have been married to the same woman for 45 years, until 2008, I was a republican, and I was raised Roman Catholic and am now trying to live a modified Buddhist life.
When I was a young man, I was in Love, most people called it Puppy Love, but I feel that it was as real as any love. When you cannot sleep for thinking of that person, you cannot eat for thinking of that person, and when you are with that person time stands still, that is true Love. Is it the kind of Love that will last a lifetime? Or would it be better asked, “Is that the person who will last a lifetime”? Now let’s talk about the real world. There are two sexes, I know you knew that but I am going to give the insight into the male view of Love.
There is a joke about men that goes “There is not enough blood in the human body to fill both heads at the same time”, or to say it another way “men think with there dicks”, you may have thought it but do you understand it. Men are incapable of making a life long commitment! Did you understand that? We mean well we really do. We think we are in love and then comes your best friend or we are left alone or it doesn’t matter we get opportunity and some not all men will not be able to resist. I guess that with this scenario I have set up that you should never leave a man alone, ever. Another way to look at this picture is that a man thinks that sex and love are the same thing. If you doubt this go to a nudie bar and watch the men and listen to what they are saying to the girls. I have tried to explain a little about men and love, now let me tell you how we (men) get better as we get older. Oh, one more thing I forgot to mention, men live in fantasy-land. What I mean by that is we believe we are handsome and desirable and that young women actually want us. I am not lying; we actually do believe the cashier at the grocery store is interested in us. Girls, have you ever been nice to a guy only to find him hitting on you? We think that every women/girl is interested in us and we believe further that we can get them into bed. I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to all women, for so many reasons just I am sorry is all I can come up with, please forgive me.
I am not sure when things start to change but I am going to pick 50 years old as a starting point. Sometime around that point when you are still with the one you started with things start to make sense. You start to understand that this is your life and for all the good or bad you have had this is your partner that you are going to spend the rest of your life with. I began to see things in reality world and started to act more like a husband and less like an asshole, at least I think I have changed. After some soul searching, I may have to change that age to 60. I am still not sure when men grow up but it does happen. Back to Love, after 45 years of marriage and having my wife’s parents living with us during there “end of life run” I have come to the conclusion that I must love my wife because I care about her. I don’t want her to have to see her parents die and I don’t want her to be sad about how life has given us this new challenge. To live every day watching your parents become you children can’t be easy for her. Worse yet is when you notice little things about your wife’s memory and attention to details. I think that this must be Love, the desire to keep someone when there is very little return on your efforts. Taking care of someone is probably the greatest way to say I Love you or at it is a Love without a tangible reward.
I have no idea about that movie Love, when people find their soul mate and know that this is the person they want to spend the rest of their life with. Considering a 50% divorce rate, I would think that this is mostly in the movies. I may have been to blunt about men, maybe I have destroyed the pedestal you have placed a man on, maybe it’s a parent or grandparent, I don’t know what to say except that I speak for myself and the many men I have known over 50 years of being an adult. Just so that you will have the full picture of my life, so that you can see that I speak the truth, I have had sex with four women in my life but I have had sex with 1000 women in my mind. For you who still pray, please pray that my wife does not read this, it’s bad enough that my daughters will.
I would like to leave you with the most elegant poem by John Donne:
No man is an island, entire of itself
every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main
if a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were,
as well as if a manor of thy friends or of thine own were
any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind
and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls
it tolls for thee.
We all need to watch out for one an other
Love to you my friends