What Are Your Relationship Expectations?
While reading the blog A Brown Girl Gone Gay, one of Alix’s entries captured my attention. It’s the one titled Love With Expectations and it’s a great post that touches on one of the most important aspects of any relationships longevity. That is the ability to examine, evaluate and meet each other’s expectations, which are next to impossible to love without. That doesn’t mean expectations will always be met. It is possible to love unselfishly, but I’m not so sure about loving completely and without wanting anything in return. It’s a paradox that can at times cause elation and at others pain, but the trick lies in managing them to the best of our ability. One thing I’ve learned is that when I have the highest expectation of only myself I don’t have to unfairly place that burden upon someone else.
My girl is attracted to me for a reason. It certainly isn’t for my fashion, fame or money. Ok, it’s my brains and brawn, but let’s be serious for a minute. Her expectations have changed over time while her love has grown. In turn, we compromise and adapt to changes with honesty and open communication. Many couples don’t make it because neither partner knows the other well enough to perceive when adjustments need to be addressed. Some unnecessarily fear rejection at the risk of not communicating anything at all. That benefits no one.
The key is to be clear about what we want. Not doing so will cause unwarranted resentment. We can alleviate a lot of frustration, hurt feelings and setback by bringing our subconscious to the surface and openly expressing ourselves to our significant other. I strive to remain conscious of those I care about and how they respond to and require my love and attention. Ultimately, people show you how to love them.
Bois, especially, need to be shown respect then love. For girls, it’s love then respect. When the basics aren’t present, the passion will fade.
My girl and I have certain needs that must be met, both physical and emotional. Her love language is 9-10 and mine is 8-9. We both desire physical touch and mutual affection to sooth, comfort and reaffirm our love and appreciation. While words of affection rank next for me, quality cuddle time is a must for baby. It helps that we enjoy each others company. Then come words of affirmation (for baby), and acts of service (for me).
There are times when I have to check myself for expecting more than I am giving. There is a healthy balance needed. The trick is to not become too comfortable with what you have. Appreciate the little things that are done out of love. Accept minor things you may dislike because they’re likely doing the same for you.
Compromise and communication work hand in hand with meeting and exceeding expectations in romantic relationships. The only thing we should measure is our willingness to reciprocate so that love can come easy. So that love becomes unconditional and grows beyond the limits of expectation. In the end, all we want is to love and be loved.