Revealing The Affair: A Year In Review
Blogging about relationships isn’t easy. People think it is because we’ve all been there, we’ve all done that, and most importantly, we all have an opinion about them one way or the other. Most grown folks have either been in a serious relationship or had at least one sexual partner at some point in their life so the experience part is real. But, trust me when I say, blogging about sex, relationships, and infidelity is hard. It takes a mental toll to bare ones soul because you have to deal with multiple factors when you decide to make your shit public.
I was never a fan of airing my own dirty laundry until I came to a realization that everyone does it in their own way, and if I could relate to someone reading my stuff, and be forced to figure myself out in the process, I had nothing to lose. When I blog about relationships, I’m drawing from my own experiences to come to terms with my past, present, and future expectations in my relationship.
When I started StudwithSwag.com over a year ago, I wanted to write about the affair, but I didn’t know where or how to begin. I needed the release writing gave me and I had a story to tell. I carried on a 2 and a half-year affair while in a committed relationship. I had no idea where I’d be a year from then with my relationship my writing,m but within my second month of blogging I was ready to reveal the worst aspects of my character, and along with that revelation came lots of reservations.
Despite that, blogging for me was therapeutic. And depending on what you write about and how your analysis is framed, it can also be an open invitation to criticism or praise. I used it as a tool to check myself so I wouldn’t wreck myself any more than I already had. I had to write my way out of an emotionally dark place that had been clouding my perception for too long. I wanted to get to the root of my own feelings since I was focusing so much on everyone else’s. That’s why when it comes to affairs, everyone has their own account of how things went down. You better believe my ex-mistress had hers, just as my girlfriend and I had ours. But realize this, everyone isn’t going to agree on the details because they often get lost in emotion coupled with high levels of stress. Fortunately, I was able to find rhythm in telling my own side of things.
Obviously, I was ready and willing to deal with any backlash from the “ex” side of it. There’s always personal risk involved when writing about matters of the heart. Forget about me looking at the release of my thoughts as therapy for a second and focus on the consequences of blogging those very thoughts for all to see. When you involve other active players, the scrutiny can be daunting especially if they catch wind of it. That’s exactly what happened.
In the back of my mind I kind of knew it would happen. I already considered what she might say, how she might feel, and even what she’d think about what I’d written. But by then, I was telling myself I didn’t care about what anyone thought about the blog. It’s why I was so prepared to put it all out there. Hell, just getting to the point where you see your affair for exactly what it is, is a milestone. It really is. Occasionally, I’ll go back and read my very first post just to get a different feel for the poem that started it all.
My ex-mistress must have read it at some point, because the thing that struck her the most about it was my use of the word mistress, as opposed to girlfriend. I learned my ex-mistress was not only insulted, but also revolted by my reference to her as a mistress. When you read the edited version now, you can see the word girlfriend has gone unchanged since I modified it a year ago. I was still catering to her needs over anyone else’s at the time. I left it worded that way purposely as a reminder to myself that this journey has not been without stumbling blocks littering the way. I lied to myself for so long that I could understand her reaction from an emotional standpoint, but it took a while to accept who she was to me because that meant accepting that I was a cheater. A deep and passionate affair that would inevitably end as most affairs do confirmed the title. Painful. I didn’t trust my emotions for the longest time and I knew my ex-mistress was dealing with the pain of that realization too.
So I knew that by blogging about my cheating heart I’d open myself up to a shit ton of criticism, but I wasn’t pleased when that criticism was directed at me by my ex’s new piece. Yep. I wrote about it. Old boi was and probably still is fiercely loyal to my ex-OW, but the negative implications about my character without also examining her girlfriend’s, my ex-OW’s, was not daunting, it was hypocritical at worst. It was just the fuel I needed to spark a fire under my own ass. My writing grew bolder as a result.