First Things First
Regarding the title of this blog. Well, it’s stupid really. You know on those celebrity gossip blogs where the first person to leave a comment on a new story usually resorts to posting this one line of idiocy, “first!” as if there is some prize to be won or extra in depth knowledge to be derived from being the first person to give a damn enough to leave a comment in the first place.
Well, it’s not that serious.
What I do know is that I’m the first to admit that I haven’t written anything of substance in quite some time. So my intent with this post is to sort of revive my writing process, to bring it back from the grave. I host a blog on tumblr that doesn’t allow me the leniency to write the way that I need, nor would I ever imagine being as liberal there as I am here. I tried to let that be the place where I could just say anything and everything that came to mind, but it didn’t quite work out the way I imagined. Either way, I’m right back to writing my heart. The good the bad and the ugly parts. Each thought written as raw and haphazard as it was before it existed in my head.
With that said, here goes a little something.
On my tumblr blog I composed and saved a couple of posts I intended to edit and eventually publish at a later date. I had quite a few saved up; 7 at least, with the bulk of them containing well over 1500 words because that’s how I process thoughts. In a flurry. I’m a long-winded motherfucker, and I make no apologies.
Low and behold, one day I’m cleaning out my tumblr dashboard, which is full of saved drafts, unused blog titles, and so on. I’m narrowing shit down, editing, deleting and generally cleaning out my writing closet of all the cob-webs, useful rumbling and useless dilapidated musings. As I was cleaning out the old drafts and doing everything I could to will myself into publishing at least one of the juicy blogs I had been saving up for a rainy day, I decided not to and moved on to something else. Typical.
A few weeks later I discovered, to my dismay, that all of the saved drafts had been deleted!!! Poof, gone. Every single one of them.
I stopped and tried not to think and when that failed I tried to forget what I thought had just occurred. It was painful to say the least. Like watching the pages of a well worn college-ruled notebook get torn apart. Jagged chunks ripping from every which side of the pad. Every angle a shredded mess containing much of what can absolutely be considered substance. In fact, I’m still sad about it. Not because I am rendered unable to share those thoughts, but mostly because they are long gone even to me. Nothing more than scribbled remnants of an active imagination left behind. Yeah, I could re-write and replace the old words with new ones but ultimately I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe those thoughts were better left in my head.
Initially, I ascertained that someone else may have compromised the security of my blog, but in the end I blame no one but my damn self, and maybe tumblr’s sorry excuse for a “queue” for which one of my scheduled posts simply vanished into thin air. Despite any of this, I’m back on my writing grind.