Who I Am

I am a hoarder; of secrets, thoughts, wants and desires. Of good books and journals. The way a beautiful woman’s smile – lightens a mood, a home, sparking memories that I’ll never forget. Long gone are meaningless sentiments that have often been disregarded. I’ve done nothing in my power to forget the past tense, ’cause of all the love that flows from me; my past accounts for all of it.

I am prone to addiction, self-depreciation, and criticism. Whether it is a battle against restlessness or thoughts that lead to actions I might later regret. Even a book – I can’t stop reading until the part where the story ends. Good lyrics and good women. Hell, even analyzing failed relationships. I am addicted to love, sans the rejection it sometimes brings. I no longer question it though, because that’s just who I am.

My love for my family, who mean the world to me, is unconditional. My good friends won’t let me forget when I am being a selfish ass, and sometimes my intentions come across as mean spirited. But to know me is to understand that I am a highly passionate being and -peace & love is my thing, and that’s what I’m gonna to leave it at.

I’m a nerd and a jock. As funny as a broken leg without a crutch. I read a lot; ask anyone, they’ll say “yep, she does”. I pour through pages of books; wish I could read every last one. Even if the book cover appears to be as boring as Native Son’s. I like to know things, that’s why I’m also known as Knowledge. Not to be nosy or corny, I look to the heart of the matter with logic. But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I am a constant work in progress.

In love, I am a challenge. Taking you from one extreme to the other. But, I’ll let you have the last when we run out of words for one another. Feelings of all sort live very strong in me. I’ll put it bluntly to get you to notice whatever it is you’re not noticing.

I give second chances because I know how it feels to be branded. And if my freedom is restricted, I’ll go the distance to expand it. I’ll make a play at brightening your day by spreading a smile across my face. You can expect that I will sometimes assume shit based on good intent, and there will be times when my good intentions will land me on someone else’s shit list.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t as flawed as I am. And a little less distant when it comes to family and friends. I might appear quiet, but I’m always running off at the head. Relentless in that aspect. Won’t stop ’til I’m kicking the bucket. My ego may need a knock down every once in a while. But only the times when I’m kinda sorta feeling myself.

I am strong enough to handle any consequences my actions bring. When I get angry, I’m quick to forgive, but like most, don’t forget a thing. I think of myself as balanced; as much masculine as I am feminine. When in hot pursuit of anything, I am thoroughly focused. When you cross my mind, I take mental notes in hopes that you’ll notice.

In the past, I’ve been unfaithful, but I won’t allow you to think any less of me. It ain’t up for debating, unless we’re extrapolating historical prophecy. You see, in my pursuit of truth, I remain consciously astute. I’ve got no problem questioning things, just like my parents taught me to.

There are times when I am neglectful, but it is never done on purpose. And at times I can be forgetful, so I put myself on notice. I hope they know it – and understand that I might not show it – but the demands placed at my hands can often overwhelm me to the point of feeling hopeless.

But Hope Lives.

And I may not always speak up, but my heart holds within it – a certain sentiment. Since every day is give and take, I’m easily inspired by new inspiration.

No matter what anyone says… just know that I am who I say I am.

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One Response to “Who I Am”
  1. Kelly says:

    You are who you are and I love you for and in spite of each and every one of your qualities. I am blessed to have you in my life and grateful to be part of yours. – Kelly

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