A Labor of Love
The first few months following my daughter’s birth were an absolute whirlwind. Primarily a result of my increasing insecurity, exacerbated by semi-crippling anxiety about whether or not I’d be the best parent I could possibly be for her. I worried that our bond would be negatively impacted if our legal relationship, especially, was to never be fully recognized. I worried about things I didn’t properly prepare for while overlooking the beauty in the whole of the experience.
I was full of anxiety in the beginning. As you may know, fear of the unknown can bring about its own self-destruction if you allow it to. Thoughts are that powerful, especially our own, and mine were getting in the way of my happiness. Instead of going with the flow I sort of, for a while, helped the darkness descend by thinking of the worst possible scenarios imaginable. I let fear dictate instead my steps instead of allowing love to lead me. And I learned a valuable lesson.
My biological clock or my logical brain, whichever, would not allow me to forgo the opportunity to raise a child, although I would have waited another lifetime or two to enjoy the experience under the most perfect circumstances possible, I knew that this was my time. Nine months later the most beautiful and complete love I’ve ever felt for another human being came to fruition. My daughter is my heart and soul, and the deep love I have for her makes me feel more spiritually alive and aware than I have ever felt.
My relationship as her second parent and other mother is simply too beautiful and unique to be contained; I honestly don’t know how I do it sometimes. But ultimately, I had to be comfortable with being a parent before anything else would truly matter.
My girlfriend continues to be super supportive of our unique little situation, and although she was recently diagnosed with breast cancer that role has not changed. In fact, everyone has had to make some serious adjustments, but the labor of love continues, and stops for no one. The cycle of care and healing has shifted from mommy and baby Zoey to my girlfriend who is now fighting for survival. From supporting my decision to co-parent with my ex-girlfriend who has remained a close friend – to doing everything she possibly could to ensure that life at home was comfortable for all of us. In essence, she has been a pillar of strength – she’s ride or die to the very end. She was in the delivery room as I stood bedside and watched my daughter being born, so standing at her bedside while she has endured multiple chemotherapy treatments, a multitude of pokes, prods, and some seriously major surgery - has been more so eye opening.
Honestly, as unique as our situation may be, my daughter is the happiest baby I know – and I may or may not just be saying that because she’s mine, but I really mean it. And I can’t help but be thankful for the role that our nurturing natures and our positively fueled environment, which we all contribute to, plays in her life.
With my girlfriend’s constant battle
against cancer on the daily horizon, some days are tougher than others, and Mama said there’d be days like this, but she never said that a baby’s precious smile and laughter had the propensity to make everything okay in that moment. Thankfully, my daughter is extremely ticklish, just like her ‘boppy’.