Age Differences In Lesbian Relationships
May-December relationships describe the romantic coupling where one person is significantly older than the other. I have always been fascinated with women who were older than me. When I was first discovered my sexuality and my only outlet for dating was the Internet, I managed to meet an older woman who later become my first girlfriend. It wasn’t until my early to mid-twenties that I started dating younger women, but I’d always revert back to dating older women. I had pre-conceived beliefs based on my own experiences and they revolved around my comfort factor with older women which was far more pronounced than what I’d experienced with younger girls. I also thought that my chances of having something real and lasting with an older attractive woman was higher than with the young hot girl who sat next to me in lecture hall. I didn’t know any better, but that thought process didn’t exactly turn out to be false, at least in my case.
I couldn’t relate to girls my age and I was so used to always being the youngest in my environment so it was a natural progression. There are many different reasons why we’re attracted to people much younger or much older than us and all of those reasons are completely normal for the most part. I learned to deal with reacting to people who’d try to invalidate those reasons.
The more mature the woman, the better the chance for stability, patience, and understanding during the relationship, which was what I grew accustomed to. You see, maturity is only as relative to age as we allow it to be, but we have to be honest and understand that with the experience of life comes a certain maturity that is closely and undeniable related to age. But, of course that was my own preconceived notion and it wasn’t the only thing that made them more attractive to me. Older women exuded far more sensuality, confidence, and they were generally more comfortable with themselves and who they were.
Dating them has always been a wildly sexual and emotional ride for me. Conversation is never dull and learning our different perspective on things is always interesting. The learning curve is separated primarily by different life experiences.
They are masters at dropping subtle seductive hints when they find themselves attracted to you long before they tell you out loud how they feel. Those juicy verbal declarations are what I lived for. I recall my first girlfriend who was 17 years older than I and at my tender age of 17 she had successfully wooed me hook, line, and sinker. I took the bait. She flew to Chicago for the day and I met her at the airport. We went to Borders for coffee and conversation and I remember ordering a hot chocolate. She was gorgeous, with a small frame, dark hair and light eyes and didn’t look a day over 25. I couldn’t help glancing at her, examining every inch of her while she wasn’t looking, staring into her eyes whenever the opportunity arose and feeling the tingling mixed with the butterflies in my stomach. Just being near her was exhilarating and I distinctly remember how she’d reciprocate my looks with a confidence that exuded sensuality.
I remember spending the entire day with her downtown, eating, shopping and holding hands everywhere we went. I remember a man walking down the street next to us proceeding to make conversation of a sexual nature. When we ignored him he asked my soon to be girlfriend if she was my mother. Yikes! Seeing as she was Italian and I Black the question made absolutely no sense, but she later explained that he could see right through us and knew very well that we were May-December lesbian lovers. His jealously flavored contempt when we politely asked him to leave us alone was noticeable even to me by then. We made out like schoolgirls in the airport bathroom until it was time to board her flight home. I groaned at the prospect of not being able to smell her perfume or kiss her soft red painted lips that mine enveloped each time we kissed, until the next time we’d meet. I felt more alive in those few hours than I’d ever felt. And so we began.
Although she eventually broke my heart, I would go on to date older women well into my twenties. They are exciting, daring, intuitive, sexy and seductive and know exactly what they want and how to get it. If you wonder what you’d have to offer an age-gapped relationship due to the age difference, if you remember the old adage that sugar and spice make everything nice, you should take heed. It’s true and that should be the very least of your concerns if the attraction is stark and unmistakable. Just like with any relationship, these relationships can and do work. There will be differences to overcome, but once you are able to find what makes the both of you tick, those differences become minor and trivial.
Some of the keys to making a May-December relationship work are to take full advantage of open communication so that you can develop trust in your partner and confidence within each other. You should be comfortable being yourself and wary or losing your individuality. After all, it’s one of the things that attracted you to each other in the first place.
The biggest challenge I’ve faced is family acceptance. There have even been times when my mom has insinuated that I’m attempting to replace her motherly role because I prefer older women, but there’s no need to react defensively to such a thing. I’ve replied in the past saying that it’s entirely normal to want to go out into the world and date and eventually marry (?) someone whose personality and characteristics resemble that of ones mother. That always does the trick, but the sooner you’re okay with the age difference the sooner you will start demanding your respect by demonstrating that the relationship the relationship with or without your family’s blessing. Dealing with ageism and homophobia at the same time can be an extremely tough burden to bear, but with strength and confidence in your relationship and yourself it can be completely overcome.