On Ending The Affair
Intense emotional affairs are the hardest to end. Believing and acknowledging that you are in love with your affair partner can be a repelling thought and one that is difficult to digest when contemplating leaving the affair behind. Emotionally severing ties with an individual that impacts your life on a daily level, providing a constant dose of emotional high is, in a word, a heartbreaking occurrence. So just know that if you are serious about ending the affair your heart will be broken, at least for a little while. It will affect the things you do, the people around you, and your relationship with your significant other will be tested more than it’s ever been before because you are faced with the internal and external turmoil that comes with taking responsibility for the fall, especially the aftermath.
As hard as these relationships are to reconcile, the fact is you can gauge its potential by staring it right in the eye and accepting the ugly truth. Whether or not there is a future in the affair hinges on knowing if your affair partner has a future in their current marriage/relationship or if they even want one with you with the knowledge of a previously failed commitment. If they are single things can become more complicated.
I believed I was head over heels in love with my mistress, but also much to content to consider leaving my girlfriend. She was my stability and I wasn’t about to give up a sure thing for something wild, lusty, oddly intense and equally uncertain. There were just too many maybes and what ifs but ultimately I knew better – that leaving stability for uncertainty was no way to end a relationship and begin a new one.
The realization that my mistress was starting to move on, talk to other people romantically, and eventually date was just the jolt I needed. I couldn’t believe the woman I once felt so much for was moving on. But in the end, I realized it was exactly what I needed so that I could begin the tumultuous journey of rational, clear thought devoid of misdirected passion and its disastrous ramifications.
When dealing with instant attraction in affairs, whether physical or emotional, or what many describe as “lust at first sight,” its hard to keep in mind that like attracts like. The law of attraction dictates that our relationships are highly influenced by our expectations, focus, energy, consistency and how we feel. Eventually, you get what you ask for so be careful what you ask for.
Separating wants from needs to get to the root of the addiction and its behavioral manifestations (infidelity) is crucial. You must make yourself believe that to continue the affair will only bring heartache and sorrow because in the end, and it will eventually end, that’s is exactly what you will feel. Sad and heartbroken and only yourself to blame.
One way to address the root of the behavior doesn’t only involve you. It includes your affair partner and your significant other. You must find a way to unincorporate your needs from your affair partners lifestyle but that can only happen if it’s what you truly want. You have to want it without question, practically forcing yourself to do the right thing in the short term to reap the benefits in the long term.
If certain aspects of your relationship with your significant other have become stale and you begin looking elsewhere for intimacy and understanding, then fixing one part without working on the other will create ample opportunity for a blindside. When you’re putting tons of effort into adjusting thinking patterns with little to no adjustment as it relates to physical actions… you’ll end up right back where you started.
Honestly ask yourself if you want to be married or in a committed relationship, because that is the most important question you will need to answer before anything will truly change in your life.
Affairs are addictions and the temptation will always be there. For some, affairs are attempts to escape feelings and circumstances that are uncomfortable or not readily understood, coupled with a lack of desire to properly address the real underlying issue. A person with unresolved issues including past hurts that haven’t healed and/or needs that aren’t being met often escape to indulging in a number of vices. Things that can be deemed as addictive. Affairs are no different. Sometimes the escape is to another person. Addictions, like affairs, are entirely unhealthy.
As the person who has betrayed a significant other or spouse, it is your duty to seek an understanding of your own behavior. To simply concentrate on the behavior without understanding why you’ve done what you’ve done or what led to it it is counter productive. The lies and betrayal are morally wrong and there is no way around that but you’ll need to seek forgiveness from not only the one you betrayed but also yourself. This will come in time.
The road to ending an affair is a long and difficult one. You will grieve and sometimes the period of grief is long and drawn out. So getting your emotions under control is vital to gaining the knowledge and understanding necessary to figure out why you did it and how you can prevent it from happening again.