What I Long For

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What I long for… is forever. No screaming mantras at broken hearts severed. No wondering if the here and now will last forever. No doubtful mind sets or broken promises. When you feel disconnect, its discontent that’s setting in. But don’t allow it to. Instead know that I respect your prowess and the cultivated intellect we pursue. And there are times when like you, I don’t understand it too. Now let me clear up some things before continuing. Do not apologize for expressing your feelings. No matter what my reaction may be we’re all entitled to what we think. To come to conclusions based on what version of reality we ascribe to; whatever’s in sync. But I need you to understand that my love and expression of such is not to be taken lightly. Nor should you ever, for our emotions are powerful and best believed even when unsightly. If you feel that being friends is all that I can offer you, or all that you can offer me. I appreciate you stating that even if I slightly don’t agree.

I concede that my feelings are solid, strong, and I’m not confused at all. I’m sorry you are though and that from what I can tell, you dont know where you stand with me and that’s frustrating most of all. I haven’t moved at your desired pace with regard to our prescribed space for a number of reasons including but not limited to feeling as though the future with you is something wishful. Granted, we have not seen each other since the first time we arrived, however I want more than anything for you to be here with me. It’s just that watching you walk away was extremely difficult the last time. It was hard to see you go so I need ample preparation I’ll have you know. Sounds silly right…well, it isn’t because I’m sensitive right now, more so than I’ve ever been and I recognize that so very strong and deep within. Open my closed doors, no need to pry them with a stick. Despite my thought process, I realize that I may appear stagnant at times, but best believe my want for you is pure. For you and I are magnetized. My desire to have you in my life is strong and without reservation. But maybe you’re right and I’m not ready to move at the typical set pace and whether or not I could fall in love, understandably should count for a whole hell of a lot. With the future wide open I’ll soon be ready to untie the knots. That form as butterflies when I don’t see you nearly as often as I want. 

I can taste a future together with you, woman, it is that serious. Here I am swallowing stacks of memories we have just begun creating so you can linger on my mind a little longer even though I hate waiting.

And tell me how can we just be friends with romantic interests when I dont feel the way I do about you with any of my other friends…

But first, let’s begin again.

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