The Daydream Before Christmas

I was just sitting here thinking. About a few old memories. Past times when my behind was stuck in second gear because I wasn’t ready. But never so stuck I stopped traveling roads well and plenty.

See, I know my way around your heart and soul. I can unsnap your bra faster than a fool can part with his gold. But it’s the way you look at me and how your hands tremble that tell me everything I need to know.

I mean that’s nothing to brag about but there are no fumbling fingers on this hand. And your pleasure I’m always dragging out.

I feel that in the very least you understand me. And at my very feet lies the forging of two different trains of thought, slowly merging their way in, dissolving all doubt. I’ll be ready to carry you home and through the threshold after weighing it all out.

P.S. I love you and I promise to always be true and to put my loving hands all over and under you and your most sensitive bits and to constantly remind you of just how sensibly we fit. How you were always it. Or it was always you.

Basically, we have this chemistry and settling for less just won’t do. How without a care in the world, I’ll have everyone know. When we kiss the rhythmic beat of my heart tends to slow. When your hands do what they do, roaming where they want to go. How your cheeks tend to glow because you’re feeling so comfortable. That’s when I’ll know. We were meant to be.

So I decided to step out of the shadows and remember exactly who I was long ago. I let the bad stuff go and held on to the best of me. I tied together knots to climb your towers wall successfully. Where I was met with knots of my own, stomach feeling like the first time we talked on the phone. Like butterflies and doves taking flight and the realization that I’ll never again be alone. My wings were fluttering and flapping about so happily. And every care in your world now means just as much to me.

I was shy, I was rambling. It’s an introverts way of handling. The anticipation of your soft femininity and what was happening. How every part of me conceded when I felt your fingers kneeding. As they glided across mine, at some point love had interceded.

Now here you are demanding more time and attention and I in return want to give you more of mine did I mention.

I confess. This love. I am crazy in. I confessed my love in infrequent whims. Maybe time does heal broken hearts so bad blood thins. Maybe I’ve started seeing the beauty in everything I should have been.

I swear I didn’t know how much I’d miss your familiarness. The sweet contours of your body, Miss. I just couldn’t bare to be rid of it. Those sky blue sheets hugging the length of my bed where desires were awakened just as quickly as they’re fed.

I missed the longing sounds of music I produced. The deep melodic tunes that I induced. Loves thick honey molasses slowly melting and seeping into every part of you I entered into recently.

When I look at your trembling lips before face gets lift and I plant a million kisses on every exposed area of skin, I feel limitless. 

But when I’m alone I think, I failed at my last two relationships so what makes this next one any different. I can’t explain it. Why the sun suddenly feels warmer against my skin. Maybe it ties in to the feeling I get when I think of where I went wrong in the past and when the pain began. And met its fateful end when I walked away in rapid succession. How the waterfalls my tear ducts lost managed to wash away all the bad jin.

There is magic in my soul brought to life by making poetry and growing old. But there’s also the fact that if I could talk myself out of therapy after Kelly died, which didn’t help I realized. I could talk myself into and out of any given situation. A dangerous place to be in when you have no self control to mention. All I know is my thirst for loves magic needed quenchin’.

I messed up and couldn’t admit that “She Doesn’t Love You” simply wasn’t it. Loved to hear the music but couldn’t play an instrument, wouldn’t even dance to it, meanwhile I’m tromboning the song of her sea. In other news, we were sadly off key and she faded me so deep my eyes turned green too. But my eyes are only green because I eat a lot of vegetables.

I can’t begin to think again without paying homage to my new boo. There is no denying her love, my Love, you have awakened every molecule. There is science to the fact that I often see you in my daydreams. Seems I’ve finally fallen in love with the poet formerly known as me. Now I can fall in love with you like it was meant to be. 

I became aware from the moment we met that there was something special about you. The potential for love was true and not meant to save me but to grow in two. 

Why every minute feels like an hour when I’m alone with you. What a fool I was for distancing myself from your affections lately. I was avoiding you to instead embrace the sadness from a past that plagued me. 

In the end the rejection left a cloud I could not see through. Blinded to the fact that my heart was desperate to reach you.

Like it had been a competition and you and I a pair of school kids, desperate for the first place ribbon. The tomboy in me so used to winning, from the start line I could see the finish. But first tell me this, how did you seal the glue? What method did you use to whole the halves in two? 

And how do you make me feel like the most handsome flower in the cemetery after night casts. You’ve got that Nightmare Before Christmas rag doll Sally kind of heartedness. I promised I would never settle for less. Needed to meet my match, but never imagined it would be met with pure love and simple bliss.

Four years passed and the nightmare finally ends. I slayed the dragon and rode right in. Didn’t have to climb any walls in the end. You lowered your bridge with no fear amiss or disenchantedness at me finding the woman I will spend the rest of my life with.

What formerly was a heart filled with love turned to heartache built upon a mountain of distrust is now Peace and Love and Passion running amuck. I feel a sense of calm that four years of grief could never interrupt. 

I don’t celebrate Christmas but if I did I’d have one wish. 

All I want is you. 

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One Response to “The Daydream Before Christmas”
  1. Kelly says:

    Incredible as usual!!!!!

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