A Cheater’s Guide To What’s In A Name

kris wilson

kris wilson

Woman cheats on girlfriend. Woman gets caught. She survives a couple months of hell and after a year, maybe, she’ll eventually overcome. If she holds on and proves she’s truly sorry then the incident goes to show that the wake up call was alarming. There’s nothing standing in her way except her girlfriend and all her army.

I am one of the lucky ones. But that doesn’t mean the amount of promises and assurances I made have completely served their purpose and I’m finally free. My girlfriend knows just about everything I currently say or do with regard to my ex-girlfriend. And it is the one thing that scares me the most and leaves me my own version of vulnerable and wide open. That comes with having nothing to hide.

There are days where I’m haunted by my affair with my ex. The main reason is that I truly loved this woman. She wasn’t just a mistress or someone I was having a sexual affair with. My feelings felt and seemed as real and as deep as I proclaimed them to be time and time again. I knew the place where she was coming from and I reciprocated those feelings. I became addicted to her and the affection and feelings and promises we both made during the course of the relationship.

Those days I torture myself about the past are the days I need my own questions to be answered and asked. So I re-read e-mails I sent to my ex and my girlfriend and sometimes I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach about the things I said and did. Damn the times when I make even myself cringe. She asked me after our affair ended why I didn’t either stop seeing her or leave my girlfriend.The easy answer is I loved them both, but that’s never good enough, not for a women so don’t even attempt to give that answer and think you won’t be questioned many times over. That may be the short answer, but there’s always a long one and that’s the one they deserve to hear. I imagine the things I’d tell my ex about my girlfriend and the things I’d tell my girlfriend about my ex and I question if there is any possible explanation that could aptly explain what was going through my mind while I was carrying on two relationships at once.

The knowledge that our relationship was beyond sexual is both relevant and irrelevant. We had a deep mental connection and that connection would go on to breed lies and deceit and anything I could concoct to keep things as they were.

Love is not to be fucked with.

And why couldn’t I ever learn that shit the easy way. Had she actually just been my mistress on the side, that’d be different, but she was far more than what I was projecting to myself and others. I felt the only woman I owed any apologies to was my girlfriend, but I was wrong.




17 Responses to “A Cheater’s Guide To What’s In A Name”
  1. Chanel says:

    "Love is not to be fucked with. And why couldn’t I ever learn that shit the easy way."

    The question of the century. It's so odd how we can ask ourselves these types of questions after the fact, but in the midst of our "slip ups" it's like we have a mental block towards going about anything the easy way. But i, like you, have learned my lesson. You're so right. Love isn't to be fucked with and if you chance it, you'll more than likely get fucked up.

  2. Chanel says:

    O and lmfao @ at the cartoon strip!

  3. Alix says:

    Wondering…would you say you were in love with them both at the same time?

  4. Knowledge says:

    Exactly. And another thing. There's no shame in learning ones lesson.

  5. Glennisha Morgan says:

    Love is something else….

  6. China says:

    Speaking from the other end it is a bittesweet feeling hearing how the otherside actually feels about past mistakes. I love my girlfriend. But getting over the bump with the ex is a Scar that I still sore when brushed against. Some relationships are strong enough to pick up afterward and some hearts are shattered to pieces. I agree 100% that love is not to be fucked with.

    But speaking from the girlfriends point of view *yes* I would hate the ex. *Yes* my love is cracked and not broken, and if love is strong enough through the bumps its worth it, we learned more about each other, and trying to make it.

  7. Knowledge says:

    Yes, I would.

  8. Tami says:

    in my humble opinion, i don't think one can be truly be in love w/ two pple at the same time. sometimes infatuation masks itself as love. because love requires and demands so much how can one person give one heart to two different people?

  9. Tami says:

    i don't think the ex is owed a thing. she knew you had a gf, she walked into with her eyes wide open, the only unwilling unknowing party to this what the gf. hell the ex owes an apology (a sincere one) to the gf too.

    if i was in a relationship where someone cheated and they were so torn between me and another person, i would say go w/ the other person. i dont think its too much to ask to have someone to be head over heels in love with me and only have eyes for me. as i've said i was cheated on by my current gf (back when we were in HS) and i am still getting over it. so it's not about love, it's about trust and respect. when you truly love someone its hard to break, but trust and respect are fragile.

  10. Knowledge says:

    Hopefully I can give you some insight into that later today.

    I had to break this posting up into two separate parts because it was running long.

  11. Knowledge says:

    Thank you for sharing, China. Redemption is difficult, but it certainly isn't impossible.

  12. AJtheDJ says:

    I have no words for love..none.

  13. Morgan says:

    Everyone can say bad things about the "other" woman…but, if you were involved, even knowing it was wrong…she's still a human with a heart and if you were in a relationship–no matter how wrong it was—it was still a relationship. I believe nothing good comes from affairs, but all involved have feelings. I think in order to heal and move on apologies can do incredible things. When the "other" woman is dumped and feels forgotten about—-I believe it could cause more pain for all parties. I felt fucked with and instead of tip-toeing away quietly, I went out with a bang and got the closure that I needed. It didn't have to be that way…but, like you, I went back through all the old emails and texts and boy did I get an eye-opener!!! It helped me realize what I was doing and what he was doing to me. In the end….nothing good ever comes from affairs—the memories live on in your mind forever…all the sweet, and not so sweet ones.

  14. Penu says:

    I completely relate to this whole thing. After a brief but intense affair with a mutual friend of mine and my SO, I often still find myself delving off into those murky waters of what if and why's. I miss him and I know that what we had was far more than sexual. We were connected in ways that I can't describe. Once the affair was discovered and I called it off in favor of working on things with my SO for our family's sake, my affair partner would withdraw and then come back around. He's done this off and on and I find while it is getting easier to not answer that call or not reply to that email, it is still dauntingly hurtful that I hurt him. There was no intent of having the agreement in the beginning (which was sex only: a friend helping a friend out kinda thing) turn into what it did. I loved him before as a friend so the bond grew. Now I am left without a friend amid all this mess. My SO had three previous affairs that were confirmed. And I wallowed in that for nearly four years before I had an affair. I'm still in healing stages but I wonder, will I ever be able to see him again and not immediately withdraw? Will i ever be able to go one day where my thoughts are not plagued by this incessant play of memories? I miss him. Truly miss him. My SO seems to think that with time he can love me back to the way we used to be. Part of me seems to maybe agree since we have children and a history, but then again, I always find myself thinking about HIM or where he is or what he is doing. Maybe that's part of the healing…learning to wonder without regret.

  15. Adrienne says:

    I have been married for almost 10 years. I love my husband and we have three kids but in January of this year I had fling. I call it that because it only happened once, with plans to meet up again but never did. My husband found out right away because he saw my sexts and I confessed. Since then it's been a living hell. We're still together but with a lot of heartache between us. He does know how it feels because he did this to me when we were engaged and I was pregnant. He is having a harder time forgiving me than I did with him. It's been since January that I have talked to this guy I was with and I still find myself thinking about what happened and about him over and over again. I don't understand why. I think part of it is that I'm ten years older than him and the thrill of being with someone younger than me was a high.. Some younger guy thought I was sexy. What is wrong with me that I cannot stop thinking about him?? I want him out of my mind!

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