Pieces of April

There’s this Aries girl who finger f*cked my world

Had me bubble wrapped around the dopest rap as I watched her pinky twirl

“Trust me girl I’ll never lie to you.”

“I’m a touch too much in love with you in my life to be true.”

We both have degrees in psychology but it was never matter over mind with her emphatic dichotomies

It was hearts intertwined and the occasional symptomatic apology

That came forth when we’d argue and my passion got the best of me

Next time I think I’ll just walk away proudly

Make my waves roundly through her soaked up tears and comforting energy surrounding

See those waves came crashing down

Got my surf board ready now cause I am no broken wing not fluttering

Just lying about not attached to anything

Shattered and misshapen like a crumpled up Christmas tree

No, not me but what do you do when the girl you feel the most for

Mistakes your heart for an ice box with no emotions stored

When mine are as fierce as an Aries fighting a world war

Defending my honor the only time I don’t feel torn

I fell in love with her femininity and all that she stood for

And it unraveled so succinctly but now I don’t know anymore

I feel this doubt and its prerequisite uncertainty

But not over our love, I never saw it separately

The only thing I separated was her anatomy; I’d sit there while she’d climb on top and straddle me

And hitch hike this dyke into depths never traveled

See I would walk to the ends of the earth to prove my loyalty

To exist with the purpose of always supporting her loyally

And about her PTSD, undiagnosed and everything from all she’s been through since long before she was pre-teen

When innocence was lost on a young girl almost immediately

I could taste her anxiety, hurt and love simultaneously

Spiced with a sadness always seething beneath the seams

Blocking her light from fully escaping its darkened retreat

“Why won’t you let me be daring with your heart?”

“Girl, can’t you see?”

“When you swallow your pain and end up sick from what emerges.”

I get butterflies when your dragon flies so I write like I’m on the verge of something

Expunging emotional unavailability with white out; I purge it free

I wanted her and all she entailed; I wanted everything

Now I want to eat every moment I made her feel so distrustful of me

Suck my fingers to the bone so her emotions are not lost on me

My writing never waits for something that isn’t already happening

She was written into my story long before losing sight of the theme

Now I am spring cleaning and all I keep seeing are pieces of April and the taste she leaves on my lips when in season

I lick them anyway because she is the reason for rebirth

With each piece of April I pick up I always choose her

As if there is any other woman I would rather choose first

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