While reading the blog A Brown Girl Gone Gay, one of Alix’s entries captured my attention. It’s the one titled Love With Expectations and it’s a great post that touches on one of the most important aspects of any relationships longevity. That is the ability to examine, evaluate and meet each other’s expectations, which are next to impossible to love without. That doesn’t mean expectations will always be met. It is possible to love unselfishly, but I’m not so sure about loving completely and without wanting anything in return. It’s a paradox that can at times cause elation and at others pain, but the trick lies in managing them to the best of our ability. One thing I’ve learned is that when I have the highest expectation of only myself I don’t have to unfairly place that burden upon someone else.

My girl is attracted to me for a reason. It certainly isn’t for my fashion, fame or money. Ok, it’s my brains and brawn, but let’s be serious for a minute. Her expectations have changed over time while her love has grown. In turn, we compromise and adapt to changes with honesty and open communication. Many couples don’t make it because neither partner knows the other well enough to perceive when adjustments need to be addressed. Some unnecessarily fear rejection at the risk of not communicating anything at all. That benefits no one.

The key is to be clear about what we want. Not doing so will cause unwarranted resentment. We can alleviate a lot of frustration, hurt feelings and setback by bringing our subconscious to the surface and openly expressing ourselves to our significant other. I strive to remain conscious of those I care about and how they respond to and require my love and attention. Ultimately, people show you how to love them.

Bois, especially, need to be shown respect then love. For girls, it’s love then respect. When the basics aren’t present, the passion will fade.

My girl and I have certain needs that must be met, both physical and emotional. Her love language is 9-10 and mine is 8-9. We both desire physical touch and mutual affection to sooth, comfort and reaffirm our love and appreciation. While words of affection rank next for me, quality cuddle time is a must for baby. It helps that we enjoy each others company. Then come words of affirmation (for baby), and acts of service (for me).

There are times when I have to check myself for expecting more than I am giving. There is a healthy balance needed. The trick is to not become too comfortable with what you have. Appreciate the little things that are done out of love. Accept minor things you may dislike because they’re likely doing the same for you.

Compromise and communication work hand in hand with meeting and exceeding expectations in romantic relationships. The only thing we should measure is our willingness to reciprocate so that love can come easy. So that love becomes unconditional and grows beyond the limits of expectation. In the end, all we want is to love and be loved.

Miles of roadway overlapped every flutter
All my thoughts centered on making the journey
Miles of roadway separated beating hearts
Trying to pry apart what both had given –  not taken 
Those unspoken words still owned our thoughts
Those we thought were better left unstated
Didn’t want to profess anything for naught
Despite faux protests ringing loudly in my ears
Those three words you had been waiting to hear
Lack of responsibility claimed meant I hadn’t faced my fears
And your heart wasn’t looking for a boat ride atop tears
But you never once doubted my loving side
No comparison to the adrenaline rush I provided
You felt it everytime I took love on a test ride
I tipped the velvet just right 
And with it came no protesting
Reactions so strong I caused leg trembles whilst professing
Sweet nothings that meant something and everything between two
My undying love
Fuels the force of nature I feel for you
And If I knew any better, girl 
I would have been told you, I love you

Last year I wrote a short article on my blog titled Hip Hop & Extreme Islam. The focus was a recruitment video showing members of the Al-Qaeda backed Somalia terror group, Al-Shabaab, and produced by “The As-Sahab Foundation for Islamic Media Production”, which is Al-Qaedas media division. The word “al-shabaab” translates to “the Youth” in Arabic and is more commonly known as The Movement For Warrior Youth.

The propaganda video used rap lyrics and hip hop music to attract and recruit disenchanted Muslim youth from westernized countries to the terror group.

Who Runs As-Sahab?

His American name is Adam Godahn, but he is simply known as “Azzam the American”. He is purportedly the (HJIC) head jihadist in charge of the As-Sahab Foundation for Islamic Media Publication, which uses modern technology to produce “documentary style” videos about Al-Qaeda’s operations, and to recruit militants.  

Watch the video now:

(lyrics)

“Bomb by bomb, blast by blast, only gonna bring back the glorious past.”
 
“Land by land, war by war, only gonna make our black flag soar.”

“The American dream has fallen, Bush is going down like Stalin, the economy is crawlin’, the widows are bawlin’, you dead you be haulin’, while our takbeers (chants of Allah is Great) keep callin’.”

Abu Mansour al-Amriki (Omar Hammami), 26, who can be heard recanting lyrics in the second video is not to be confused with Azzam al-Amriki (Adam Gadahn), 31. They do however share many similarities and have both been featured in al-Shabaab’s recruitment videos. They’re white American men who converted to Islam from Christianity. They’ve both appealed openly to Americans to answer the call for holy war against those they consider to be enemies of radical Islam. Abu Mansour al-Amriki was attracted to the promise of a pure Islamic state in civil war ridden Somalia where he’s currently based. This desire has long been a central component of the ideology behind Al-Qaeda’s relentless attacks and a key reason for the current “holy” war against Americans and non-believers.

The two men are often confused not only because of the similarities surrounding their allegiance to radical Islam, but also because of their adopted aliases, shared country of birth and aim, which is to recruit Islamic extremists and young Muslim American men by any means possible.

So Just Who Is Adam Gadahn? <– Click for story by the NY Post.

He has a one million dollar bounty on his head courtesy of the US government. He’s also the first American to be charged with treason since World War II. He appeared in a video that surfaced this past Sunday where he urged Muslims in America to carry out terrorist attacks. 

Adam Gadahn Not Really In Custody?

Conflicting reports surfaced over the weekend about Gadahn’s supposed capture and arrest in Pakistan over. The conflict was due to inconsistencies among Pakistani officials on who exactly they have in custody.

Although two officers and a government official identified the man as Adam, a different official said the suspect is American with the alias Abu Yahya Majadin al-Adam. This alias is also know to have been used by Adam Gadahn.

The name similarities may have caused initial confusion, but reports of his arrest and identity remain unconfirmed at present time. In fact, he is not believed to be in custody, but another American is, according to officials.

photo: Sam D.

They come and go
Like a night time revival
Only it’s morning and
We’re thick as thieves
As we come together
Ready for rigmarole’s ritual 
Fluttering about like tepid feathers
Rigid thoughts centered on
Not stepping on toes
Or missing the next run
Experiencing the ruminations of others
Lives daft with woe 
And fraught with wonder
As this journey takes hold
It highlights my day
Saw a woman sneaking onto the bus the back way
Words don’t come easy but inspiration does
Surfaces all around
Since my journey’s mostly made up
Of time that I bide
’till the end of the line comes
Late as usual
Apathetic to following rules cause 
I aim to balance out my bad attitude
And I’m relentless
In proving whatever needed to be proved
There are days when I can’t stop them
They move in mass
like Catholic children
in Sunday school best 
walking briskly through the tunnel
That ends as fast as it begins
And we stand strong in the train cars
We’re all stuck in
Stuffed like turkeys but breathing as wild as chickens
anxious and proud as we’re destined for our destinations
lurking behind support bars with pockets safely tucked in
else they suffer the same fate as pick pocket victims
It’s to cold to sweat it but plenty of time to plan ahead
My journey moves me
Like walking in snow and fighting wind
Carving foot prints one by one
Cause hindsights already set in
Cherishing every deep breath
Glasses fogging up quick
Obstructing my field of vision
But not nearly all of it…
Inspiration fills me up and
Music rocks me forthwith
Ear drums no longer celibate
“Watch for ice” – “And don’t slip!”
I yearn to arrive at the doorstep
So I can get down to business

FRANKS: In this country, we had slavery for God knows how long.  And now we look back on it and we say “How brave were they? What was the matter with them?  You know, I can’t believe, you know, four million slaves.  This is incredible.”  And we’re right, we’re right. We should look back on that with criticism.  It is a crushing mark on America’s soul.  And yet today, half of all black children are aborted.  Half of all black children are aborted.  Far more of the African American community is being devastated by the policies of today than were being devastated by the policies of slavery.  And I think, What does it take to get us to wake up?

The excerpt beings around the 6:15 mark:

1. Read the quote.

2. Watch the video.

3. Read my reaction to both.

4. Set aside 5 minutes of your time.

5. That’s how long it will take you to read my reaction. Bookmark and come back to read the remainder if you can’t get through it all in one sitting.

My Reaction To Trent Franks Statements

Is it open season on black women and someone just forgot to let a “sister” know? Historically young, black, male rappers and hip-hop artists declared open season on black women years ago. They have been richly rewarded for their contribution to the denigration of black women ever since. It’s gotten so bad that young black girls feel as though they can not rely on black men to tell them they are beautiful, wanted and protected. We have cats like John Mayer saying out loud how his penis truly feels about black women, in particular. His reproductive organ is like the Klu Klux Klan when it comes to sexually attracting the black woman. There’s nothing wrong with having a preference, but there is something wrong with equating it to a racist, terrorist organization that preyed on and killed innocent people for generations just because the color of their skin was different. Now we have a congressmen trying his hardest to be racially divisive while discussing a controversial issue that affects women of all races. Let it be known just what kind of idiot we’re dealing with here. Here’s an example of one of his prior initiativesas a government representative.

The ironic part about this is I was one of the few Members of Congress that was willing, if I could come up with a way to prove that Barack Obama was not born in this country, I was willing to go into a lawsuit. I don’t know of any other Member of Congress who was willing to do that, because I wanted to make sure that we were protecting both the Constitution and, quite frankly, I was terrified of this guy.

We’re dealing with an original ”birther”, and one who rejected the legitimacy of President Barack Obama’s citizenship and his eligibility to become President, prior to the election.

This leads me to the primary purpose of this curse filled rant. What in the hell does abortion have to do with slavery anyway? More specifically, a woman can choose to have an abortion, but what woman in her right mind would choose the institution of slavery if given the choice? Do African-Americans have more abortions? The short answer is yes. The long answer is that both Hispanic and black women obtain abortions at rates three to five times higher, respectively, than non-Hispanic and white women. Although abortion rates have fallen off over the last few years, a great disparity still exists and there are many reasons to explain the disparity. I’ll provide two for now and many more all throught the remainder of this post.

• Lack of access to contraceptives and birth control
• Very restrictive sex education being taught in American schools

What’s most striking  is how pro-lifers and anti-abortionists don’t try all that hard to make the argument as to why black women and their unplanned babies would be better served while working and living under forced servitude. Their argument against abortion is fielded strictly to imply that abortion is bad and its access must be restricted, especially to black women because all they do is ”murder murder murder, kill kill kill” these poor little black zygotes. They systematically ignore the reasons why women turn to abortion instead of considering alternatives. High rates of poverty, discrimination in employment and housing, disparities in health care, preventative health care and access to quality health care are just a few of the problems not addressed.

Is it the anti-abortion movements intent to maintain the unequal conditions their ancestors successfully implemented back in the slavery days where there existed no such thing as choice or free will for women, of any color?
While I’m on the subject of women let me state for the sake of stating shit that Abortion is a Woman’s Issue. Period. Until this is realized, rabid conservatives like Trent Franks will continue to polarize the issue and make it “The Black Woman’s Holocaust” in an attempt to draw cheers and support from ignorant whites, blacks and angst filled pro-lifers with their single-minded agenda.

What pisses me off are the tactics employed. The anti-abortion/pro-life/white Conservative majority’s manipulation with regard to the black community and the vilification of planned parenthood’s 21st century focus on birth control, contraception and sex education. Some unfair criticisms used to depict black women as the biggest profiteers of  public aid and welfare assistance are now being used in the abortion debate.  But, which is it? Black women and their gang of children are either on welfare, sucking up tax dollars while breaking the government piggy bank or we are having so many abortions and killing so many of our unborn that the government needs to exact complete control over our reproductive rights for our own sake.

Trent Franks wants me to believe that he knows my body and the life I lead better than I do. Black women may as well do Mr. Franks a favor and surrender ourselves to the nearest plantation to begin working the fields immediately. Not only would welfare suddenly disappear, but the abortion rate would be cut in half. Come to think of it, it would be perfect timing to begin the crusade against white women having abortions. For one, they’ll need plenty of new slave masters to oversee the new crop of black babies born into slavery.

But, seriously, how does Trent Franks know so little, yet talk so much? Why doesn’t he understand basic cause and effect?

• Lack of affordable daycare
•  lack of information about emergency contraception
•  lack of self esteem which equates to fewer girls posessing the confidence to say no when a boy asks for sex
•  lack of EQUAL PAY in the workplace. Women STILL make 70 cents for every dollar a man earns.

These scanarios not only put pressure on black women to do what they believe is in their best interest when unplanned pregnancies occur, but it boxes them in and exposes them to additional scrutiny. Abortions already carried with it a stigma of shame and sometimes regret, but its effects are two fold for black women who are criticized for having too many babies and then criticized again for having too many abortions. Which is it? Oh, I know what it is. Black women cannot win for losing.

The Trent Franks of the world help create and maintain social inequality then they turn around and put themselves in a position to morally lecture and judge the very people suffering the ramifications of their own injustices, administered over a time period of hundreds of years.

What we have here is a mostly white (not for long, I fear) anti-abortion movement that is attempting to infiltrate the black community and incite black conservatives, with their heads up their asses, to do everything in their power to exaggerate and disparage black women under the pretense that they really give a fuck about their quality of life. But what’s most obvious is the fact that they only care when it comes to the unborn. They want to make black women the poster child for abortion to fuel the conservative rights attempt to make ban abortion.

The unfair vilification of black women who have had abortions should be considered an insult to all women, everywhere.

These are the same political fuck nuts that don’t want to provide a public option (what’s the point of reform without one), adequate health care, job training, education or any social program they feel unworthy, to minorities because it  dips into their taxes. Corporate welfare is quite alright, but private, individual welfare is simply unacceptable. They’re concerned with women having abortions, but not why they’re having them, or what steps to take to ensure the women who do not have them are receiving all the assistance they need. They’re the kind of politicians that want to cut program funding on one end and shout to the heavens how much they care about the person and the fetus on the other hand. Oddly enough, they care more about fetuses than they do actual human beings. 

I hope this Conservative strategy to get blacks to come out strongly against abortion by promoting it as a way for white feminists and liberals to exterminate the black race FAILS, and miserably so. This entire strategy reeks of fear, institutionalized racism and open divisiveness and I’m afraid that it will work in some respects. I’ve even known black women who seriously claim to be pro-life sneak off to the clinic to take care of an unexpected situation. It happens, but across cultures and not resigned to any single race. 

Anti-Abortion measures are as much a form of BIRTH CONTROL as women who use abortion as a method of BIRTH CONTROL. They are both abusive practices that harm rather than help. There has to be a way to curtail abuse of abortion that does not penalize all women and restrict them from having a choice, as long as it falls within the law.  I am a proponent of abortion reform, but I am a firm believer and supporter in a woman’s right to choose. I am not willing to give up that right just because I would never personally have an abortion.

The truth is that black women have a disproportionate number of abortions, but white women have HALF of ALL abortions. If you want to address an issue that crosses cultures yet attack only one demographic, you’ve got another thing coming.

“Far more of the African American community is being devastated by the policies of today than were being devastated by the policies of slavery.”

What exactly is Mr. Frank trying to say here? According to the Census of 1860, there were around 4 million slaves, which is a far cry above the number of abortions performed every year by black women.

I would love to know where he got the idea that far more Blacks are devastated by today’s policies than were being devastated by the policies of slavery. What a proverbial slap in the face.

There are those who will say that there is credence to Franks’ comments. In fact, Day Gardner, the president of the National Black Pro-Life Union, agrees with him.

“Face it America, he’s right. Abortion has exacted a greater toll on blacks than slavery,” she told LifeNews.com.

“Our country brutally enslaved four million people, denying them their rights, their freedom and many times their lives. Rep. Franks is simply comparing that horrific truth to another horrific truth — which is that abortion has killed more than 17 million black people,” Gardner said.

“Slavery is a terrible stain on the fabric of America that can never be fully washed away,” the black pro-life leader continued. “The stain of abortion is every bit as terrible and even more atrocious than slavery in light of the fact that the victims of abortion are totally helpless–they are unable to run away, unable hide or defend themselves.”

Gardner calls the “devastation of abortion in the black community” a “hard truth” and she says “Franks and other members of Congress stand with us to right this terrible wrong.”

She urged more of her black brothers and sisters “to speak up and stand up to those who would have us believe the lie–that poor, under privileged black children are expendable and worthless.”

Gardner also went further than Franks and said the pro-life movement within the African-American community is ” the underground railroad of our time and Congressman Trent Franks should be revered as a great modern day abolitionist.”

She says that black abortions are worse than the atrocities of slavery because unborn babies are unable to defend themselves. She proceeds to speak about the devastation of abortion while not daring to speak about the devastation of the black community in general which has resulted in more babies born of our wedlock and right into a life of poverty and under privilege. Her stupidity is further exacerbated by the Conservative ideology that favors the unborn baby more than mother who is thought of only as a womb or carrier. She further highlights something I’ve never once heard a liberal say, but I have heard it on enough blogs and forums to know that it is a lie. Underprivileged black children are NOT worthless and expendable, but you wouldn’t know that with the way the justice system hands out ridiculously extensive punishments to black men and women at much higher and stiffer rates than their white counterparts who commit the same crime.

If these mostly pro-life conservatives truly believe that black children born into a life of poverty deserve better, why do they vote against expanding funding for public education and higher education endeavors? Why do they vote against granting health insurance to children with families who cannot afford it? Why aren’t they be just as visceral about every disadvantaged black child going to school in a safe neighborhood, or having an updated textbook that he can call his own?  She does the same thing Rep. Franks tried to narrowly avoid doing; she does nothing to discount or correct the false statistic he stated, but goes on to further the anti-abortion/pro-life cause by stating that it is worse than anything the evils of slavery produced, and she supports making it into a racial issue by doing nothing in the way of speaking about abortions performed by non-black women.

Day Gardner is quite possibly Trent Franks reincarnated as a stupid black woman. 

Half of all black babies are NOT aborted. Not even half of all abortions are performed on black women. Half of all abortions are performed on white women, and 32% are attributed to black women, which I admit is still a fairly big number.

There is no fairness in health care.

What they don’t want to tell black people is that when it comes to preventative medical treatment and quality health care and insurance, white men are King. To add, anti-abortion activists proudly fight against public funding for birth control, sex education, and access to contraceptives. They don’t just want to take away a woman’s right to choose, they want to prevent her from having access to safe, affordable, birth control when she needs it. What they don’t want to tell the black community is that insurance companies covered Viagra, which is used to treat erectile dysfunction and where reproduction is supposedly the end goal. But the argument that birth control and contraception are not medical conditions, but instead a choice, was a widely accepted view for years. As few as 10 years ago, most insurance companies did not cover birth control or contraception even though most couples need it during the natural course of their relationship.  There are still some insurance companies that do not cover birth control or contraceptive measures. Here’s what Bill O’Reilly had to say.

“Viagra is used to help a medical condition — that’s why it’s covered. Birth control is not a medical condition, it is a choice. Why should I or anybody else have to pay for other people’s choices?”

Apparently, numb nuts, I mean limpus dickus, I mean Bill O’Rielly was unaware that having sex is also a choice.

Pro-lifers and anti-abortion extremists wouldn’t like being compared to the Taliban, now would they? Forcing women to wear a burka of stigma and shame for having an abortion, and desiring them to give up all decision making powers with regard to their body and its reproductive process. But it’s not slavery, it’s morality, right?

Trent Franks can continue to claim that black women account for half of all abortions, but he’d still be lying. He can compare abortion to the evils of slavery and white slave masters mistreatment of black men and women for hundreds of years, but he’d also need to ask himself just how how in the fuck he would know which was better or worse, given his privilege, given the color of his skin, and the fact that it may have been better for HIM, but would Ms. Day rather be alive then or now? I seriously wonder. 

I don’t know what black people, if any, he has ever talked to. The blame and responsibility of devastating the black community he has placed squarely on the shoulders of black women. Even while reading his comments in context I’m lead to believe that he’s ignorantly comparing the rate of black abortions during slavery to the rate of black abortions today, but I know he’s not. He’s trying to say that the black community is more devastated by the government policies legalizing abortion than by government policies that backed and legalized slavery. 

What Trent Franks is trying to have black people believe is that slavery was just a bad job with no pay.

It would be different if Rep. Franks and Co. had ever demonstrated any measure of care and concern about the racial disparities in this country without also blaming those disparities and injustices on those most negatively affected by them, i.e., black women.

On the other hand, when your biggest accomplishment “fighting racism” consists of introducing legislation to prohibit abortions for gender and race reasons then there is absolutely nothing you can say to dismiss what appears to be race baiting to further an extremist cause. This is the same congressman that voted NO on expanding the Children’s Health Insurance Program in January of 2009, and he voted NO on adding 2 to 4 million children to SCHIP eligibility, which is a program designed to cover uninsured children in families where income levels are too high to quality for medicaid, but too low to obtain affordable health insurance for their children.  This is the same congressman who voted No on increasing the minimum wage back in 2007. He’s anti-affirmative-action, and voted NO on $84 million in grants for Black and Hispanic colleges. He’s strongly opposed to a separation of church and state, and he voted NO on prohibiting job discrimination based on sexual orientation. Why am I not surprised that he is against measures to help bring about social equality, but he’s for measures to increase the economic disparity among the classes, while using the race card to highlight what he considers to be worse than slavery; black women having the right to an abortion.

Basically, Trent Franks is staunchly against a woman’s right to choose, but he strongly favors her right and the right of her child to live in poverty. He believes in the right to life, but if that child turns out gay or bisexual he doesn’t want them to have any rights that threaten his own or his views of the “traditional family.”
 
So, let’s see what my life might be light if I was a slave. I could be raped at will because I was the property of my master. I was not allowed to receive an education or learn how to read. To do either could be violent or deadly. Voting was completely out of the question, even for white women who were powerless in that regard. If I were to escape and be caught by the state or government, I would be promptly be returned to my master and who knows what the consequences for that punishment may be. Basically, a slave master had complete and total control over a woman’s body. If you give a man, any man, any race, control of a woman’s body, then sooner or later he will take further advantage of the situation. Now where again is the morality in his assertion that blacks were better off?

The only race that I am aware of that would be better off under slavery in America are white people.

In defense of Franks’ statements, I give you Mr. Enlightened:

“First of all, you need to understand Trent. He is my congressman and a damn great one too. If you know the man, you know what he is saying and a lot of this quote is easily taken out of context. when he says, “How brave were they? What was the matter with them? You know, I can’t believe, you know, four million slaves. This is incredible.” This is in admiration of the slaves for enduring and surviving such a bad reality and criticism of the nation for allowing such atrocities to take place for so long.

Trent is 100% standing up for the black people of this country. The Democrat party in concert with Planned Parenthood have directly targeted the black community for excess abortions. There is video out there that shows the true racism of the founder of Planned Parenthood wanting do diminish the black population via abortion. This ‘IS’ why the abortion rate is so much higher in the black community than others. All disguised in the mantra of “Choice”.

And although the life of a slave was very harsh and unfair, they did not violently have their bodies ripped apart or their brains sucked out before they could take their first breath.” 

Really, for real? I’ve watched the video and I’ve read all about Margaret Sanger and you know something, you still don’t get to tell women what to do with their bodies and pretend you’re simply doing them a favor, asshole. Regardless of the controversy surrounding Sanger’s intentions of the day, she worked closely with poor women who were in desperate need of medical care and education because they were performing self-induced abortions and harming themselves and their reproductive organs in the process. Her persistent determination is what helped to bring about the Birth Control Movement in America.

Summary

For those who don’t see the problem with Franks’ remarks, let me reiterate what I’ve been saying all along. As a black American, woman, even I do not get to talk about things being worse than slavery. Where the hell would I get off making such a comparative assumption about anything of the sort? My ancestors were used as chattel. They were kidnapped, traded, bought and sold by their Black African brothers and sold across the seas. Millions of them died during the middle passage to illness and disease we can not fathom today. They were whipped, lynched, maimed raped and killed as punishment for disobeying their masters or attempting to escape. 

Franks’ ancestors did not experience any of those things, although that doesn’t discount their vast experiences in this great country of ours. And although every American lives with the legacy that slavery left behind, nobody feels its longstanding effects as visibly and invisibly as some of slavery’s living descendants. This is not to say that being any other minority or being a white man or woman in America has been easy. It certainly has not. Indentured servants from all over Europe made up a large portion of early immigrants to America during a time when slavery was at its peak. What sucks is when people make racially insensitive comments and then retort with “get over it” because slavery is over, yet they know what they’ve just said is not only insensitive, but’s racially inflammatory. If you can demand I “shut up and get the hell over it” I can demand you utilize “common fucking decency when it comes to comparing who in history has had it worse.”

People whine that blacks whine too damn much about slavery and its aftermath, but then you have douche bags like Trent Franks whining about black women having abortions and then comparing it to slavery, as if the other 68% of abortions are had by the boogey woman and her girls from down the way.

Slavery is a sensitive subject that must be handled with respect. Educated blacks fully understand that White American’s role in the Atlantic slave trade mutually coincided with those of Black Africans on the interior and exteriors of Africa’s gold coast, Muslims, Arabs and White Europeans.

Push whatever political view that gets your blood pumping, but leave slavery the hell out of it, especially when you’re blatantly spouting misinformation just to get people to believe in something. I’ll stick to believing in the truth and leave the blatant lies to desperate extremists.

In conclusion, I’m not going to go out of my way and call Franks an idiot, I’m going to just go ahead and say that I believe Trent Franks is an idiot. Did I also mention that Franks is an idiot of idiotic proportions? Just to be crystal clear, Trent Franks picture, which can be viewed on his wikipedia page, can also be found in the dictionary under the word IDIOT.

In summary, Trent Franks, Republican congressman from Arizona, is a bone headed IDIOT, with really great intentions according to his friends in the cause, none of which happen to be black, coincidentally, except for Day Gardner who is really a white guy in black face ala Whoopie Goldberg in The Associate.

To be honest, Day Gardner is a former Miss Delaware who praised former Miss California Carie Prejean’scomments about same-sex marriage.  If she really gavea fuck about the plight of black women within the black community, she’d be doing everything within the power she’s been given by the conservative right, to do something about the troubling disparities within the rates of infant morality amount black, Hispanic and white women.  The US has the highest infant mortality rate among black women, while also touting “the greatest heath care system in the world”. This is just another hypocritical discrepancy among a ever growing list of many.  One thing is certain; the Congressman has his eyes completely shut to almost every issue related to abortion and birth control in this country except for the actual medical procedure itself.

Here is a man who decided to have children at the age of 53 by way of a donor egg and surrogate, according to Wikipedia, instead of adopting one of the millions of black babies already without a family in this country. It’s his God given right, to that I’ll concede, but he’s a hypocrite in my book with a serious lack of actual morality.

The excitement that goes into carrying on an affair is worlds apart from the emotions found within a long-term, committed relationship. Long-term relationships take work, and include some of the less attractive attributes such as taking care of the household finances, cooking, cleaning, keeping the passion alive and sharing responsibilities. By its very nature, an affair tends to focus strictly on the fun and exciting aspects of a committed relationship. Rarely do real life concerns negatively affect the world you’ve built around the affair. The downside is that stress becomes a major factor in many other areas of the adulterer’s lives.

I started a blog immediately after my affair ended because the emotional pain started to manifest itself physically. It was intense. Anxiety was at an all time high. I didn’t seek refuge in anyone, because I knew I didn’t deserve it. Not yet at least. I know it’s surprises some people, but yes, even reformed cheaters have very real feelings.  Ultimately, we do not deserve to be comforted in any way because we know exactly what we’re doing, and what we’ve done. So it was either write everything down or slowly self-destruct and pick up the pieces later on. I wrote. I bled myself of as much emotion about the affair as I could and I recorded everything. I documented the ending stages of the affair, including all of the events leading up to the last physical interaction with my other woman.

Still, I find it hard to read some of my earlier blog’s. I have grown drastically since my journey’s beginning and my outlook is not the same as it once was in relation to many aspects of my affair. I find it hard to read some of some of the comments in response to those blog’s. One in particular distinctly stands out. It was never approved, and it remains the only comment to date that I haven’t approved for my own personal reasons. I could not answer the question found within or bear to have it posted as a constant reminder of what every person thinks of someone who has cheated.

Once a cheater, always a cheater

That’s a mighty big assumption, but it’s belief is so widespread it’s tough to argue against. Personally, it sounds like something a habitual cheater came up with to justify their actions or addiction, but I do not believe it to be true. Regardless of the naysayer encountered along the way, it’s still necessary and healthy to have an outlet for ones emotions. Accompanying that outlet should exist a path to forgiveness. That accompanies the belief that infidelity is not some permanent affliction that one can never recover from. It’s a choice that one can most definitely choose never to make again. People cheat for many reasons, but they also possess the self-control needed to resist temptation.

Although blogging has helped immensely, I still don’t have all the answers to all of my internal questions. In fact, I’m discovering subtle nuances every day that help me to better understand myself. In relation to my girlfriend, myself, our relationship and the affair, I am in a place that I never thought I’d be. I am at peace with my past. I have also been met with some real tough questions that deserve answers. For those, I had to look deep within myself and pull out answers like I was pulling teeth. Maintaining the affair meant everything to me at the time, but once it was over it’s importance became so miniscule I couldn’t even remember what fueled it’s beginning. Self-awareness will do that to you. To understand why I became desensitized to the pain of manipulation was something I needed to get to the bottom of. You can only consider yourself an asshole or jerk for so long before realizing that to prevent the behavior from reoccuring you have to get to the root. For me it’s meant learning to bridge the gap between what I feel and what I think. Placing importance and appropriateness to my actions coincide with doing everything in my power to maintain emotional balance and health. With that said, I am more comfortable in my relationship than I have ever been, and this feeling encompasses every single aspect. Communication has been the defining force and real love has solidified its redefinining qualities. I feel free of the guilt of my actions, but not the memories.

My infidelity hurt me as much as it hurt my girlfriend in the long run. I have been faithful ever since and that’s a conscious decision that we all make, at least those who abstain. There is no fun in ruining someone’s life or hurting the one you love. I have no desire to disrespect my values or the values of those I love. People often change who they are faster than they can change the reputation their former actions have built. It makes it hard for people to remember the good. You can write a thousand poems and nobody know you’re a poet. Our past always travels with us, but why hold onto someone’s or even your own past when they’re living in the present, and looking to the future? The point is, so too should we look to our future when we’ve come to terms with our past.

I finally forgive myself. And I will tell you this, there is absolutely nothing that can take the place of forgiving yourself.

To err is human, to forgive is devine.

My greatest comfort is knowing that I simply want the best for everyone. My weakness was harboring a lust that was as destructive as my inability to forgive myself for my past indescretions had become. I learned that love has just as great a capacity for destruction as it does for healing.

If you want to work on your relationship then do not give up on it. Only you can determine its worth, and if you feel it’s worth saving you should do everything in your power to save it. Relationships aren’t fantasy and they damn sure aren’t perfect. Not only do they bring us some of the best moments in life, they set the foundation for unconditional love and committment needed to foster growth between two loving, adoring souls. It takes hard work and dedication to build upon that foundation. Loving one another is the easy part.

To ensure there was no doubt he spelt it out: “I was unfaithful, I had affairs, I cheated. What I did was unacceptable.  - Tiger Woods

You know something is wrong when the mistress feels more cheated than the girlfriend or wife. The very definition of cheat[ing] in comparison to the nature of a committed relationship presents one hell of a messy contradiction. More telling is when the other woman feels slighted when apologies are made public to family and friends for indescretions, but not to her.  And that’s the thing about fantasies and affairs even after they are over. They provide an amazing fantasy world in a warped reality until warp speed malfunctions and fake bliss comes to a screeching halt.

It brings me to Tiger Woods recent apology about his affairs and the aftermath that continues to follow him since they became public. A horde of women have come forward to proudly declare themselves Tiger’s willing mistresses. This has been quite the eye opener since mistresses typically do not receive welcome receptions after affairs are brought to light. It’s also out of the ordinary for them to be so forthcoming about their role, especially with prior knowledge of a wife or girlfriend or worse, children. With that said, my interest in this has everything to do with contrasting the differences between lesbian and heterosexual affairs and expectations at the aftermath.

When my affair ended, I still cared about the feelings of my other woman. So much so that I was still calling her my “ex-girlfriend” when the truth was, she was my mistress, i.e., other woman (OW). I carried on as if she was simply an ex that I was naughty with, and she reciprocated those sentiments because that’s exactly what I told her she was. I said it multiple times during the course of the affair. In retrospect, I believe it was a last ditch attempt to continue to downplay, in whatever way I could muster, the truest nature of the relationship. When I begin blogging about it, I was reinforcing  that title, while also putting my prior actions on blast.

I was ready to come to terms with some of the lies, but not all because I was convinced of a truth based on lies. Deep down, no matter what I lead her or anyone else to believe, the relationship was fabricated and unfair to both women. It’s difficult to explain deep seated feelings in the midst of infidelity because while those feelings are very real, they can assist in continuing to distort reality because they are more real than any lie you’ve ever told. In that sense, they become a convenient excuse to continue down a path leading to nowhere. But at the end of the day, a lie is still a lie.

I read blogs authored by former and current mistresses and other women. I wanted to understand their perspective. My intent was to gauge how my ex-OW might have felt at the time that I started writing. I wondered if she felt the same as most of these OW’s. That staying with the wife or girlfriend is punishment in and of itself since things were so bad you resorted to having an affair. This is because they believed every negative piece ever said about the wife or girlfriend. Many believe the person they cheated with has moved on to someone else, is having sex with someone other than the girlfriend, or that sex with the girlfriend is punishment enough because they couldn’t possibly be satisfying in bed since you stepped out on them.

Let me tell you, these assumptions couldn’t be any further from the truth. When I was involved in the affair, it was not for lack of an already completely fulfilling sex life. The intimacy between my girlfriend and I was passionate, which made the discovery of the affair all the more hurtful. Most affairs have little to do with a lack of sex and more to do with emotional immaturity and wanting our cake and eating it too. The sexual aspect may be most telling in multiple instances of one night stands, or random hookups,  but most affairs are born of an emotional intimacy.

What I took away from those blog posts was that other woman tend to feel some manner of fierce resentment toward the girlfriend or wife that decides to stay. If the cheater wants to salvage the relationship there remains lasting resentment that manifests itself even a year after the fact. It’s understandable seeing as there are two sides to every story, but affairs can have up to three of four sides of a story depending on the circumstanes and parties involved.

If I could re-write some of my initial blog posts, I would, but I won’t because I want to be able to gauge my progress years from now. The point of this entry is to reinforce in my mindset that the responsibility of a cheating spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend or lover when the affair has ended is to make amends to the person who hurts the most. There is no responsibility to the other woman or mistress, but to be able to one day clear my conscious and heal, I couldn’t help but feel for my ex-OW. As devastating as that thought may be, public apologies are only owed and should be reserved for the woman most deserving; the wife or girlfriend.

A short apology via e-mail, letter, or phone could prove beneficial and thrwat off retribution by the OW, but if the apology is not accepted, DO NOT dwell on it. Move on. Her feelings and emotions do matter but the greatest and only responsibility is to family.

It’s sickening to watch some of Tiger’s mistresses demand apologies and hire lawyers with ill intent. They all knew of Tiger’s home life and if they didn’t they could have google’d it. They knew he had a wife and two children regardless of any lies he told. Elin is the only woman in the position to make demands. The odds of her receiving an apology, public or private, from all of Tiger’s mistresses are slim.

I apologized to my OW until I was blue in the face and then apologized some more. If I had it to do all over again, I would say nothing. My apologies caused my girlfriend and OW additional hurt. Not only because I wasn’t directing 100% of my efforts on her and our relationship, but because my ex-mistress felt entitled to her apology and harbored hurt feelings. The title I gave her throughout the course of the affair caused her to feel entitled. It would seem absurd for any of Tiger’s mistresses to be upset with Elin. When personal attacks are directed at the cheaters girlfriend or wife, it is unacceptable. I caution any reformed cheater who wants to save their relationship to focus all energy into the woman who is truly entitled.

Although we strongly support the important reforms made by the Senate-passed health reform package, including a strong public option would improve both its substance and the public’s perception of it,” Bennet wrote to Reid in a letter cosigned by Sens. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-N.Y.), Jeff Merkley (D-Ore.), and Sherrod Brown (D-Ohio).

Saying Americans don’t want health care reform with a public option is like saying we don’t want private schools without a public school option. It makes little sense. Odds are, even if you don’t want it, you’ll make good use of it when it’s implemented, just like other Americans who desperately need it. Three months ago I wrote a blog called 20 Things To Consider About Healthcare Reformwith the intention of bringing to light some of the most glaring detractors that stand in the way of health care reform from my limited point of view. I’m talking about true health care reform. I won’t consider it true reform unless it includes a public option. With the unregulated flow of false information clogging the political grapevine, most people are too far gone to understand that even with a public option the majority of health care provisions will remain under private ownership. Private insurers will retain their stock and those against the public option can opt to stay with their current insurance providers. Insurance companies may even feel compelled to raise costs while lowering premiums for the sake of competition, which points to the root of the problem. The majority of Americans that stand to benefit from a public option are the working and middle class. Republicans in general seem to have great disdain at being painted as poor or working class even when their particular demographic suggests so. It’s not that there are no poor or uninsured Republicans, they simply won’t admit to it. As if considering oneself Republican immediately raises you above the social bar. It speaks to an imaginary wealth that only comes with conservative inclusion into its elite “good old boys” club. There is a false sense of singular importance among [some] working and middle class Republicans that trickles down from [some] of the self-serving, corporate interests that pollute the disgruntled, extreme, conservative upper class, i.e., Palin & Co. 

When the party with the least members not only threatens to, but through alternate means carries out the obstruction of highly important legislative measures filtering through Congress, then there are serious problems. Where there’s a threat to filibuster a reform bill of this magnitude, then it should be done in the standard way. Legislatures have every right to endorse the plan they believe works in the best interest of their constituents. However, we already know the public option is supported by the majority of the house, the majority of the senate, the President of the United States and a majority of his constituents. So what’s the problem?

There exists an incredible lack of bipartisanship in Washington. Another issue of concern is the Republican use and abuse of the filibuster in ways never before seen. A filibuster is an effective way to obstruct or prevent a vote from occurring on what is normally considered an important or standard piece of legislation. They threatened to filibuster the health care bill unless certain aspects were revised, removed or reinstated. In response, Democrats should exert their power by way of a process known as reconciliation, which is a severely restrictive means of circumventing a filibuster. It only requires a simple majority to pass, however that could cause some key things to remain out of the bill, such as requiring insurers to accept people with pre-existing conditions. In essence, it would shut out the minority party – Republicans - but it would likely invoke increased negative reaction.

Sadly, fewer and fewer politicians care more about the will of the people than they do about maintaining their jobs. There is a broad range of corporate money and power that comes along with politicking which makes each vote a political opportunity rather than a show of strength and leadership on behalf of ones constituents. 

And then there are statements like this, which are all too common now.

“There is absolutely no moral imperative for the gov’t to provide health care to its citizens.”

I beg to differ. They just don’t want all Americanas to have health care. They’re more okay with giving government handouts to small to large corporations than giving it back to the people that are supposed to effect the greatest change and progress. Obama stated that if you like your health insurance, you can keep it. Health care reform isn’t about whether or not conservatives like or even love their health insurance anyway. Every single year there are thousands of people who have paid their insurance premiums yet are denied medical coverage for any number of reasons. Insurance premiums are set to rise across the board this year, 2010, and it’s already happening, yet competition is bad? Some people are seeing their private insurance premiums rise up to 33% increases yet their typical response is to express anger at the government instead of the insurance companies.

The majority of Americans are not wealthy. Not even the majority of Republicans are wealthy. They’re hard working middle class Americans just like their Democrat and Independent counterparts. Sadly, many Americans are living paycheck to paycheck and cannot afford insurance, but there is great resistance on the part of Republicans and a few Democrats (In Name Only) to extend provisions to all. It doesn’t help that insurance companies have an unofficial army of regular, unpaid citizens who passionately lobby on their behalf. Politicians from both sides do the same thing except they’re paid quite well for their efforts on the hill. What’s worse are conservative talking points generated by miscreants like Limbaugh and Beck whose arguments against health care reform and a public option begin to spread like fire through the conservative ranks, thus creating a whole new crop of unfounded fear. The arguments the conservative working and middle class make against a public option are a result of irrational fear and crass political tactics aimed at spreading lies and misinformation such as the dreaded death panels. 

To get the public option reinstated, Democrats will have to have to rely on sheer mental will power, an imposing show of strength and leadership that goes beyond just the idea of hope and change and capitalizes off of the massive support from the American people who have entrusted them to actually implement that hope while keeping the change.  The party that shows the least amount of courage receives the least amount of respect. And If there’s one thing Republicans have that Democrats do not, it’s a potent and virile base that respects the party line way more than the party politician. With that said, there’s nowhere for the Democratic party to go but up, however they must grow a pair of cajones first. If they fail, health care reform dies.

image courtesy of aidsconnect.net

Write from the heart.
Be unique, original and think outside the box.
Don’t follow every new trend.
Proofread, critique and enhance my craft.
Get faster and better at responding to comments.
Read and process first, debate later. Rinse and repeat.
Continue to respect all comments and opinions.
Make the most out of my creativity.
Exhibit diligence when organizing my blog for optimal online searching.
Network, network, network and start building a firm outbound and inbound link(s) framework.
Link to other sites even if they don’t link back.
“Content is King” — Quality writing trumps a contentless multitude of posts.
Don’t set deadlines that cannot be met.
Develop a regular posting schedule.
Utilize my leather bound journal to jot down future post ideas.
Make sure every post is well thought out.
Don’t ignore important topics just because they’ve already been written about.
Keep my chaos more organized.
Skim all posts prior to publishing.
Promote my blog whenever possible.
Seek and welcome guest bloggers with topics of interest.
Enhance and maintain blog design. Fix any errors.
Interact more with my readers.
Learn from those who have done it longer ~ learn from the best.
Stay humble and hone my skills

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image. The List by Thrife.

There is a dark side to Valentine’s Day that usually takes place the day of or the night before that special day. It’s the time most cheaters choose to spend with their mistresses. The reason for this is simple. Waiting until the day after V-Day is too obvious and the last thing they want her to think is that she a further after thought. Odds are she already knows she’s the other woman. She gets wined and dined first not because she is valued more, but because cheaters know just how special Valentine’s day is for all women; especially girlfriends and wives. Even if one or both women genuinely feel that Valentine’s Day is nothing more than a commercial success, and it is, they still want to be acknowledged. They want to feel special, and only one of them is going to be okay with settling for less than, i.e., the day before or after V-Day. The cheater decides which one will put up less of a fight to determine who gets what day. It’s tough for women to listen to their girl friends go on and on about how they were romanced and swept off their feet when all they did was sit at home watching Law & Order reruns. Although a cheater could spend Valentine’s Day with both women, they realize that they can only spend the night with one.

Some cheaters are bold enough to see both women on Valentine’s Day. Imagine this. Your significant other is missing for a few hours that day. The reason she gives is believable so you think nothing of it. Especially since it’s family related. Besides, there are a thousand thoughts running through your mind about what’s in store for the day and later that night, and another woman isn’t one of them. I will tell you this; Valentine’s Day is a stressful time of year for cheaters. The best are able to play it off so well you would never know their anxiety level is high. Others are short-tempered leading up to the day because they are calculating and planning up to the hour. Any mistakes could be costly. But now is not the time to be concerned with anything. The excuse worked so it’s time to play.

One of the biggest ways of getting caught on or around Valentine’s Day is by having text messages, phone calls, and e-mails read or intercepted by a suspecting girlfriend. When a woman reaches her wits end she will sometimes do things she’d normally never do. Like invade your privacy. Others are willing to dismiss their roused suspicion for the sake of spending quality time with their cheater. Paying for gifts with credit or debit cards especially if they share a checking account with their significant other can get a cheater caught. I recall buying flowers for my girlfriend and my lover, paying with my debit card and praying I didn’t get caught when the statement arrived. I triple checked names and delivery addresses before submitting the order. Would the florist mix up the order, or worse, the messages? Most cheaters use a pet name when sending flowers to further avoid confusion in case of a mix-up. The anxiety that follows is consuming until everything is received exactly as ordered. Cheaters pull out all the stops on Valentines Day despite the fact that they’ve obviously been cheating before then.

There was one year in particular that I spent Valentine’s Eve with my other woman. I spent the night at her place even though she had to work half a day the next morning. We spent the entire day together since I wouldn’t be with her on V-Day. I gave a lame excuse but deep down I knew she knew whom I was really going to be with. I stayed in bed until the sound of the doorbell brought me out of a late morning slumber. I went to answer the door and was met by a delivery guy holding a huge bouquet of flowers. That was interesting because the flowers I sent were scheduled to arrive on Valentine’s Day, in my absence. I accepted the delivery and sat them on the coffee table. She came home later that afternoon and upon seeing the flowers looked surprised. I told her they weren’t from me so she opened the card that was attached. Not only was it signed by her ex-girlfriend, but she had given my mistress her last name so it would appear that they were married. It was clever indeed, but I wasn’t sure what her ex was thinking, or whether it was really her ex that sent the flowers. I didn’t react that day, but I did take the card and receipt when I left that night. I must have dropped it in my car at some point because the next time I saw them they were in the hands of my girlfriend. And she wanted answers. I denied sending the flowers, but to explain the presence of these items would prove fruitless and did not matter anyway so I said nothing instead. I took the mental beat down that accompanied my silence. This was one instance where truth in the midst of lies is not really truth at all.

The point of all of this is to say that Valentine’s Eve or “Mistress Day” is just as commercially successful as Valentine’s Day. Don’t discount it. This certainly doesn’t apply to all relationships, just my personal experiences, and lots of others I’m aware of. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. There is no justifying cheating no matter what, it’s wrong. You have two options; the hard one provides immediate relief and looming consequences and the harder one doesn’t provide any immediate relief but will bring a sense of piece of mind and looming permanent relief that is good, real and not a facade. The hard road consists of working on yourself and your relationship from the inside out. A girlfriend or wife’s suspicions will eventually add up. My advice is to do whatever you can to keep the relationship healthy or get out of it entirely. Anything to prevent cheating is worth trying.