To ensure there was no doubt he spelt it out: “I was unfaithful, I had affairs, I cheated. What I did was unacceptable.  - Tiger Woods

You know something is wrong when the mistress feels more cheated than the girlfriend or wife. The very definition of cheat[ing] in comparison to the nature of a committed relationship presents one hell of a messy contradiction. More telling is when the other woman feels slighted when apologies are made public to family and friends for indescretions, but not to her.  And that’s the thing about fantasies and affairs even after they are over. They provide an amazing fantasy world in a warped reality until warp speed malfunctions and fake bliss comes to a screeching halt.

It brings me to Tiger Woods recent apology about his affairs and the aftermath that continues to follow him since they became public. A horde of women have come forward to proudly declare themselves Tiger’s willing mistresses. This has been quite the eye opener since mistresses typically do not receive welcome receptions after affairs are brought to light. It’s also out of the ordinary for them to be so forthcoming about their role, especially with prior knowledge of a wife or girlfriend or worse, children. With that said, my interest in this has everything to do with contrasting the differences between lesbian and heterosexual affairs and expectations at the aftermath.

When my affair ended, I still cared about the feelings of my other woman. So much so that I was still calling her my “ex-girlfriend” when the truth was, she was my mistress, i.e., other woman (OW). I carried on as if she was simply an ex that I was naughty with, and she reciprocated those sentiments because that’s exactly what I told her she was. I said it multiple times during the course of the affair. In retrospect, I believe it was a last ditch attempt to continue to downplay, in whatever way I could muster, the truest nature of the relationship. When I begin blogging about it, I was reinforcing  that title, while also putting my prior actions on blast.

I was ready to come to terms with some of the lies, but not all because I was convinced of a truth based on lies. Deep down, no matter what I lead her or anyone else to believe, the relationship was fabricated and unfair to both women. It’s difficult to explain deep seated feelings in the midst of infidelity because while those feelings are very real, they can assist in continuing to distort reality because they are more real than any lie you’ve ever told. In that sense, they become a convenient excuse to continue down a path leading to nowhere. But at the end of the day, a lie is still a lie.

I read blogs authored by former and current mistresses and other women. I wanted to understand their perspective. My intent was to gauge how my ex-OW might have felt at the time that I started writing. I wondered if she felt the same as most of these OW’s. That staying with the wife or girlfriend is punishment in and of itself since things were so bad you resorted to having an affair. This is because they believed every negative piece ever said about the wife or girlfriend. Many believe the person they cheated with has moved on to someone else, is having sex with someone other than the girlfriend, or that sex with the girlfriend is punishment enough because they couldn’t possibly be satisfying in bed since you stepped out on them.

Let me tell you, these assumptions couldn’t be any further from the truth. When I was involved in the affair, it was not for lack of an already completely fulfilling sex life. The intimacy between my girlfriend and I was passionate, which made the discovery of the affair all the more hurtful. Most affairs have little to do with a lack of sex and more to do with emotional immaturity and wanting our cake and eating it too. The sexual aspect may be most telling in multiple instances of one night stands, or random hookups,  but most affairs are born of an emotional intimacy.

What I took away from those blog posts was that other woman tend to feel some manner of fierce resentment toward the girlfriend or wife that decides to stay. If the cheater wants to salvage the relationship there remains lasting resentment that manifests itself even a year after the fact. It’s understandable seeing as there are two sides to every story, but affairs can have up to three of four sides of a story depending on the circumstanes and parties involved.

If I could re-write some of my initial blog posts, I would, but I won’t because I want to be able to gauge my progress years from now. The point of this entry is to reinforce in my mindset that the responsibility of a cheating spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend or lover when the affair has ended is to make amends to the person who hurts the most. There is no responsibility to the other woman or mistress, but to be able to one day clear my conscious and heal, I couldn’t help but feel for my ex-OW. As devastating as that thought may be, public apologies are only owed and should be reserved for the woman most deserving; the wife or girlfriend.

A short apology via e-mail, letter, or phone could prove beneficial and thrwat off retribution by the OW, but if the apology is not accepted, DO NOT dwell on it. Move on. Her feelings and emotions do matter but the greatest and only responsibility is to family.

It’s sickening to watch some of Tiger’s mistresses demand apologies and hire lawyers with ill intent. They all knew of Tiger’s home life and if they didn’t they could have google’d it. They knew he had a wife and two children regardless of any lies he told. Elin is the only woman in the position to make demands. The odds of her receiving an apology, public or private, from all of Tiger’s mistresses are slim.

I apologized to my OW until I was blue in the face and then apologized some more. If I had it to do all over again, I would say nothing. My apologies caused my girlfriend and OW additional hurt. Not only because I wasn’t directing 100% of my efforts on her and our relationship, but because my ex-mistress felt entitled to her apology and harbored hurt feelings. The title I gave her throughout the course of the affair caused her to feel entitled. It would seem absurd for any of Tiger’s mistresses to be upset with Elin. When personal attacks are directed at the cheaters girlfriend or wife, it is unacceptable. I caution any reformed cheater who wants to save their relationship to focus all energy into the woman who is truly entitled.

And she is determined to compete in track and field events at home (South Africa) and internationally while awaiting the outcome of a gender test she was required to undergo in late 2009.

The International Association of Athletics Federations (IAAF) has refused to speak about the investigation until an official statement is released. The scientific test results will remain confidential, however the statement would speak on whether or not she’s qualified to continue competing against women.

Semenya’s coach has expressed optimism that the 800-meter world champion will compete despite the fact that the prolonged investigation is still underway. She has not been officially cleared for international competition, but her lawyers remain optimistic that the outcome will be promising.

According to the Huffington Post, IAAF spokesman Nick Davies says “we are still in the same position as before – no official IAAF comment until we have finished the inquiry.”

Davies said he couldn’t say how long the inquiry will take, but Semenya has been patiently waiting to learn the outcome of her future in athletics since the reports initially surfaced in August 2009 .

If you recall, just hours before the 800 meter final was set to begin, the IAAF ordered gender testing on Semenya because of her unusually muscular build and fast finish times. Her future in athletics has been called into question ever since.

Semenya’s case has shown just how pervasive a force gender still is in our society. Its dominance can be a detriment, a riddle, or an advantage depending on who you ask and what those reasons may be. In the same sense, extremely talented people are taken advantage of every day because of their differences and  further repressed by a society that has neither the understanding or the answers. Things become even more ambiguously perplexing when the goal is to level the playing field among competitors.

I’ll provide updates about Semenya’s fate as more information becomes available.

I came across a story that initially captured my attention because of its NFL football ties to the Atlanta Falcons, a team I follow. The story originated over at Miss Jia’s blog. She posted a letter from a wounded, former, ex-lover of Atlanta Falcons football player, Ovie Mughelli, whom he hasn’t seen since 2007. All of this information is alleged at present time. As I have stated previously, it takes more than a little bit to get over an affair regardless of the makeup of the relationship. Especially one of a nature where secrecy and hurt feelings are bound to be intense and deeply emotionally involved.

Then there’s this:

 ”I am the one who told him my being his lover could
> ruin his career, and I kept our relationship between us because he
> was right, it wasn’t anyone’s business. He is the one doing this to
> his life, not me. He is the one living the extravagent life in
> Atlanta, posing in magazines as one of the most eligible bachelors,
> dating countless women, who can confirm as I know, he has hate
> issues with women.”   missjia.com

With that quoted, I don’t feel its acceptable to out anyone, except for hypocrites who privately or publicly speak out against homosexuality, or those who have adopted an “anti-gay” agenda while  practicing the lifestyle on the down low. Other than that, it’s just not cool. It’s not cool when it happens to someone who is gay and isn’t out yet, and the same goes for someone who certainly has pressing public and safety concerns  for not wanting to reveal themselves because it’s not just family and friends to consider, it’s an entire public spotlight. Who gives anyone the right, jilted lover or not, with the way society views homosexuality, especially among black males in a macho, alpha male environment, to out another person? Then there’s that additional knowledge that the NFL doesn’t play that. Period. So why try to ruin his career? I have sympathy for the jilted lover, but this person knew the young man wasn’t out from jump. He was vulnerable when the relationship began and as the older person with more life experience, his lover should have stopped it early on. You knew the potential ramifications of outing him in a professional environment like the NFL. You set yourself up for heartbreak, and you knew this could happen in the beginning, yet lust prevented you from going with your right mind. It takes two to tangle and you could have said no. So, what makes now so different?

He was willing to be the mistress on the side all those years, until Ovie decided he didn’t want to be associated any longer, due to whatever personal or professional reasons. Would there have been any good enough reason for Ovie to have broken off the relationship, and the lover not feel jilted in some regard? He was willing to keep the relationship with Ovie a secret as long as Ovie lived in the closet with him. It’s called breaking up people. It happens everyday for a number of reasons. Do we have the right to our emotions? Damn right we do. But, to out someone then play it off as if you’re protecting all the straight damsels in distresses of the world from sleeping with this man, is far fetched even for men on the DL, who commonly protect each other. You were okay with it while you were getting broken off a piece, but now it’s suddenly not okay because he’s breaking off your piece? If he’s not out as gay or bisexual then you outing him is vindictive.

Be wary of someone who would potentially ruin your professional career because of private relationship matters. Gay, straight or bisexual; people deserve to come out on their own terms, not anyone else’s.

This story also got me thinking about another matter altogether. It’s interesting how common it is among people with sizable incomes to sign pre-nups, in effect paying their lover off when the relationship has reached its end. It may be difficult to understand why Ovie decided to hand over an envelope filled with money, or who knows what was enclosed as it was never opened, according to the letter, conveying the final chapter in the relationship in doing so. But, it’s okay to pay off a former husband or wife to reach mutual financial agreements, but not lovers? Yeah, alright then, interesting.                       

Video Update - Ovie’s Ex-lover Reveals Himself On Video Via Miss Jia’s Blog. Watch Now:

According to the website, missjia.com the copyright claim made against the video is currently in dispute.

Everyone has an opinion about Tiger Woods latest predicament
Claiming the fame instead of claiming the blame
Mistresses proud of destroying relationships
Realize this, the mass media has driven us to the brink of moral obscurity
When it comes to asserting certain opinions imagine the havoc wreaked on ones family
You desperate mofos and your faulty senses of entitlement
Stealing 15 minutes of fame yet couldn’t care less who they take down with them
I often wonder do their intentions ever make them feel uncomfortable
Lay down the law on those who lie as if their own mistakes make them less fallible
They preach that if you’re going to cheat then pick your mistresses more carefully
And it pains me to see it being said by those who claim to be so much better than he
Make worse a terrible situation which aims to dismantle a persons identity
As if the lesson they purport to teach doesn’t instinctly reak of a hypocrisy
And the truth you think you know is not in line with what they really think
More men would cheat if they could get away with meeting that other woman’s needs
And it depends on who you ask whether or not it’s human nature or selfishness
But it matters not in the grand scheme of things 
Media won’t stop until he fails successfully
Tiger cheated on his wife with multiple women over a period of time
What a truly sad affair to watch the world uncover lies
Yet instead of treading carefully you aid in the ruining of lives
Who are you to judge a man you’ll never know nor can define
From the Wife’s own mind a countless times she’s already thought of this:
“I wish he’d love and need me more because I am constantly needing him”
From the Husband comes a reply, which echoes a destructive loss of pride:
“I shouldn’t have gotten on this ride; tired of playing the monkey in the middle”
“I’m a man of questionable character with a sex life encompassing a riddle”
And the Mistress believes or not that he will eventually uproot his spot
And they all hurt and hearts all break whether the PUBLIC believes in it or not
Wife questions herself wondering what the other woman has
Cheater questions himself wondering why they both still love his ass
Mistress wonders why she bothers and does she truly receive his love
And why is she not number 1 steady putting up with his same old stuff
And on and on the kids and wife and all the never ending lies
And when they put themselves above, upright and question the man they loved
How does he choose between love and affection when all he desires is affection and love
He made mistakes
She made mistakes
They make mistakes per imperfection
Until his takes
On a life of its own
And he’s buried alive by media whores affection
Wishing they’d understand how he feels
Should he run, hide and face the tide or play let’s make a deal                                                  
With emotions to which he has no right to let go
That scarlet word adultery always cumming full circle
The first thing needed is defining the meaning
Even considering the deed is considering cheating
However the media wishes to paint the canvas he’s still a human being
His sins are his to bear and forgive……and only he can help himself pick up the pieces
When it’s all over and done with people will consider their hero beneath them
Collectively judging when we have no right without first judging ourselves and our own weaknesses
I’ll never forget what I learned as a kid and no matter what anyone says, who of us is without sin?

Guardian.co.uk

The partially clothed body of Eudy Simelane, former star of South Africa’s acclaimed Banyana Banyana national female football squad, was found in a creek in a park in Kwa Thema, on the outskirts of Johannesburg. Simelane had been gang-raped and brutally beaten before being stabbed 25 times in the face, chest and legs. As well as being one of South Africa’s best-known female footballers, Simelane was a voracious equality rights campaigner and one of the first women to live openly as a lesbian in Kwa Thema.

Her brutal murder took place last April, and since then a tide of violence against lesbians in South Africa has continued to rise. Human rights campaigners say it is characterised by what they call “corrective rape” committed by men behind the guise of trying to “cure” lesbians of their sexual orientation.

When I was apart of the 1×6 roundtable discussion a few months back, one of the topic questions I submitted was in regard to corrective rape and its human rights consequences in South Africa. I watched the video above and read Eudy’s story and was horrified by not only the audacity of the re-wording of such a savage act, but the degradation of women and girls in all of South Africa. Six other bloggers weighed in with their views and further discussion ensued. I didn’t read all of the comments when they were first posted, but one in particular stood out and lost neither its potency nor its truth since that day back in June.

Faith Bosworth

I’m actually from South Africa and while I’m well schooled in debates of cultural relativism there are times where you do have to just draw a line and say, this is wrong and the people who are doing this are wrong. As Knowledge pointed out, the problem is rape in South Africa, period. We have the highest rate in the world for a number of reasons: extreme poverty, people living on top of each other thus making women extremely vulnerable to any man who wishes to have his way with her. Furthermore, as in most countries, it is a crime which is just not really backed up by the legal system. You basically have to pitch up at the court with a few broken legs and sperm running down your leg to prove that you were actually coerced into sex. The legal system is dominated by men and in a culture as saturated with machismo as ours is, it’s always the woman’s fault – she just gave the poor guy the wrong message shame. Rape is literally considered an ‘easy crime’ the convictions are so low. Fatal Attraction, of course a lot of people don’t agree with the law and there are many many tireless campaigners picketing rape trial after trial (I myself attended one where a man had raped over fifty women and still gotten out of jail after a few years) but it’s not easy to fight something which is so institutionalised within every aspect of society. And of course, to make matters worse, we have a president who used the excuse that ’she wore a short skirt’ in his rape trial setting an example for the rest of South African men. I’m sure you know we have one of the most progressive constitutions in the world declaring that no one should ever be discriminated against on the basis of sexual orientation, race, gender etc etc – we can even get married – but unfortunately this constitution is just a fancy piece of paper and its ethos is not always lived out in practice. ‘Curative rape’ as it is called is a part of the larger rape problem in the country BUT it is very problematic to view it as such as well. This, you see, is how the government, and the the rest of the world actually, is able to cast a blind eye to the problem. These women ARE being targeted because they are lesbians going against the grain of patriarchy. The men perhaps feel that they have no power over them and accordingly want to reclaim that power that they believe they should have rightfully as males. Watch this video for an idea of how the men think:

Don’t think for one second that this is just an isolated problem in an already violent country, there are men all over who think like this. It just may not be as easy for them to act on it, and get away with it, as it is in our country.

image @ http://www.everyhumanhasrights.org/

I’ve been a Williams sisters fan for as long as I can remember. I can appreciate and admire the visibility and respect they’ve garnered for their masterful prowess on and off the tennis court.  Thanks in large part to having parents that care.  Following this weekends outrageous on-court outburst, there’s been a lot of talk among die hard tennis fans that Serena should be suspended or worse for her behavior. The line judge made a pretty bad call at a questionable point during the match, but that doesn’t excuse her bad behavior.

I think we can all agree that her reaction was like whoa times ten. Despite that, I feel the need to defend her mostly due to the racial garbage that’s been spewing around the internet since the infraction. Can’t an athlete have a bad day, get fined and penalized, lose the match and still retain their dignity? We all have them. Bad days, you know. It happens to the best of us and I can understand where her frustration arose. I do not support the behavior in any way, shape or form, but I’m still a fan and I know she is going to come back stronger and better than before. That’s just how the Williams sisters get down.

“If I could, I would take this … ball and shove it down your … throat,”  Williams said. 

I know that line judge was thinking “Oh No She Di’int!”

Serena issued an apology on her blog with the following statement.

Hey guys!!!

I want to amend my press statement of yesterday, and want to make it clear as possible — I want to sincerely apologize FIRST to the lines woman, Kim Clijsters, the USTA, and tennis fans everywhere for my inappropriate outburst. I’m a woman of great pride, faith and integrity, and I admit when I’m wrong.

I need to make it clear to all young people that I handled myself inappropriately and it’s not the way to act — win or lose, good call or bad call, in any sport, in any manner.

I like to lead by example. We all learn from experiences both good and bad. I will learn and grow from this, and be a better person as a result.

Xxxx,

S

The greatest basketball player in the history of the game has just been inducted into the Hall of Fame. It’s about time. His speech was touching, emotional and shows that MJs heart has always extended far beyond the court. Here’s to a great basketball player. Catch a glimpse into the greatness that was and still is Michael Jordan.

The dirt on Jay-Z’s shoulder wasn’t exactly easy to brush off at the close of the MTV music awards show, but I just want to know one thing, “dang, lil mama, what in the hell were you thinking woman?” Not much if I’m to go off of her recent track record. Total disrespect.

“I’m on MTV’s payroll so it’s all good.” The funny thing is I didn’t even know who this chick was before she appeared as a judge on America’s Best Dance Crew.

Moving on.

Kanye, Kanye, what more can I say. You went and made an ass of yourself on Sunday. Although I’d like to think that last night you sealed your fate. I know it ain’t so, cause like Joe Wilson, you’ve got a lot of people behind you. But, even you know that your behavior was deplorable. Take a big step back, slow your roll, short man. You really think it’s cool to be grown and throwin’ tantrums? And all for what? Little boy, grow up. And if you gonna rep Chi-town, take notes from Common Sense. Or keep actin’ like Da Brat and get locked up again. You talked all big about how you’re a changed man, yet you’re still acting just like a heartless little prick. Dude, what gives? It’s about time you trimmed the fat off your foolish pride. A little humility never hurt anyone, you outta give it a try.

I will say this, Kanye apologized for his actions. I get his logic, but snatching mics is not cool man. Thankfully, Beyonce and Taylor Swift know a little something about showing dignity and respect. Beyonce ended things with the perfect touch of class. Mad props to the both of them.

Final thought: Kanye needs to collaborate with a piece of humble pie, for a start. Seriously, I can see him approaching Taylor swift for a collabo later on. You heard it hear first. And I’m out.

Peace and Love

MONACO — The IAAF said Friday it is reviewing results of gender tests on South African runner Caster Semenya and will not issue any final decision until November.

The International Association of Athletics Federations did not confirm or deny Australian newspaper reports that the recently crowned women’s world 800-meter champion has male and female sexual organs.

“We would like to emphasize that these should not be considered as official statements by the IAAF,” the federation said in a statement regarding the reports that first appeared in News Limited and Fairfax newspapers.

The Australian newspaper reported in its Friday edition that medical reports on the 18-year-old Semenya indicate she has no ovaries, but rather has internal male testes, which are producing large amounts of testosterone.

“We can officially confirm that gender verification test results will be examined by a group of medical experts,” the IAAF said in a written statement. “No decision on the case will be communicated until the IAAF has had the opportunity to complete this examination. We do not expect to make a final decision on this case before the next meeting of the IAAF Council which takes place in Monaco on November 20-21.”

At a news conference in Greece on Friday, IAAF general secretary Pierre Weiss, IAAF vice president Sergei Bubka and other association officials refused to comment on the Semenya case and distributed the IAAF’s written statement to reporters.

The IAAF officials are in the northern Greek city of Thessaloniki for this weekend’s World Athletics Final.

After dominating her race at the world championships in Berlin last month, Semenya underwent blood and chromosome tests, as well as a gynecological examination.

Earlier, in an e-mail to The Associated Press, IAAF spokesman Nick Davies said Thursday the IAAF had obtained the results but couldn’t confirm the Australian news reports.

“I simply haven’t seen the results,” Davies said. “We have received the results from Germany, but they now need to be examined by a group of experts and we will not be in a position to speak to the athlete about them for at least a few weeks.

“After that, depending on the results, we will meet privately with the athlete to discuss further action.”

Semenya’s father, Jacob, expressed anger when contacted by the AP on Friday morning, saying people who insinuate his daughter is not a woman “are sick. They are crazy.”

He said he had not been told anything by the IAAF, Athletics South Africa or his daughter.

“I know nothing,” he said.

Davies said the newspaper’s report “should be treated with caution.”

The IAAF has said Semenya probably would keep her medal because the case was not related to a doping matter.

“Our legal advice is that, if she proves to have an advantage because of the male hormones, then it will be extremely difficult to strip the medal off her, since she has not cheated,” Davies wrote to the AP. “She was naturally made that way, and she was entered in Berlin by her team and accepted by the IAAF. But let’s wait and see once we have the final decision.”

Leonard Chuene, the president of Athletics South Africa, told the AP that all he has heard from the IAAF is that the test results will be available in November.

“The results are not in the country yet, so we cannot comment on anything,” Chuene said.

South African sports minister Makhenkesi Stofile said he has no doubts about Semenya’s gender.

“She’s a woman,” Stofile said. “She remains our heroine. We must protect her.”

Associated Press writer Donna Bryson in Johannesburg and AP Sports Writer Howard Fendrich in New York contributed to this report.

Copyright © 2009 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.

On September 4, 2009, a Friday night football game culminated into an all out brawl resulting in the cancellation of the remainder of the game, and North Chicago officials say they responded this week by doling out discipline. According to both Kozlowski and North Chicago principal Daniel McDermott, a number of North Chicago players have been suspended from school, although they declined to specify how many were disciplined or how long the suspensions would last.

North Chicago varsity football coach Glen Kozlowski said at a news conference Thursday that the fight erupted after a North Chicago tackler hit a Simeon player late.

“One of our players did it,” said Kozlowski, a former Chicago Bears player. “Their kid turned around and hit one of ours.”

My Two Cents

It’s sad that something like this happened in a place like North Chicago. I attended North Chicago High School for 3 years and was actively involved in sports on all levels until graduation. It wasn’t some “Dangerous Minds” sort of atmosphere where you were watching your back in fear of violence from gangs and bullies, or where it was not cool to be book smart. I remember rumors and falsehoods that ran rampart about our students and athletes. Thugs, gang-bangers, future welfare-queens, military brats, you name it – we were called it. No distinctions were made when it came time to play sports against other schools in our conference. There was a very low level of respect shown from some schools, in fact; specifically schools with a white majority in stark contract to North Chicago’s black majority student population. However, this was the exception to the rule and our biggest rouse. One of my best friends attended Lake Forest High School; a wealthy, affluent suburb along the north lake-shore and we played each other in high school sports regularly. We co-existed and competed on a level where there was honor in being an athlete and respect shown by way of sportsmanship. This brings me back to the football teams current, indefinite suspension, which I suspect will be lifted at some point. This latest incident is something we can only blame on ourselves.  The guilt and shame that has followed is now blasting a negative light onto the community nationwide.   

Who Is To Blame, besides the athletes involved?

Are the administrators, principal, school board, or the coach to blame? What about the athletic director?

The Athletic Director:

Oh, that’s right; North Chicago doesn’t have an athletic director, at least not on paper. The title that the ”athletic director” was given is athletic manager. As it turns out, the current athletic manager does not have the necessary credentials or education to assume the role of the Athletic Director. So, the administration revised the title that allows him to carry out the tasks of the Athletic Director anyway.

The Principle:

He’s rumored to be a crackhead. Allegedly. But seriously, the principle has a history of making poor decisions and being slightly ineffective at his job.  For example, a student was expelled from a lake county area high school due to a weapons violation. This young man was allowed to enroll at North Chicago High School following his expulsion. He was then allowed to play on the basketball team at No-Go even though the school plays in the same conference as the school that expelled him. This was eventually found out and as you could imagine, he is no longer playing on the basketball team or attending North Chicago high school.

According to North Chicago’s own school policy:

If you transfer attendance from one school to another while you are ineligible for any reason, the period of ineligibility imposed prior to your transfer or the period of ineligibility that would have been imposed had you stayed at the school, will be enforced at the school to which you transfer, even if you are otherwise in compliance with the by-laws. Any questions about your eligibility in any of these instances must be resolved by a formal ruling from the IHSA Executive Director.”

You’d think that they’d deal with expulsions from neighboring school districts on a whole other, far more serious level. What’s the sense in having policies if they will not be upheld?

The School Board and Superintendent:

They take impunity and apathy to differing extremes. They are not consistent in anything. The school board allows inadequacy and ineptness to permeate all levels of school administration. Where were the deans, security guards, and undercover police officers on hand to cover a night game against a south side Chicago high school with a reputation for extra aggressive game play? There is only one dean currently employed at the high school unless they approved another one last night. The North Chicago School Board and their super lax policies on student discipline in general is starting to catch up to them. There seems to be no “fear factor” in play for the students, no regard for the repercussions or the reputation of the community they’ve effectively worsened. The players involved in the fight are lucky they weren’t arrested or worse, injured in the fray. The police department is not releasing any information, which is more for their protection than anyone else’s, I’m guessing. There were no arrests made, but there are vast reports of sickening mob like actions such as multiple players surrounding a Simeon player and kicking/stomping him in the head repeatedly. What happened to zero-tolerance? Perhaps it’s one of those things being addressed on the hush-hush.

The superintendent is rumored to be a drunk. Allegedly. Enough said. Now peep this:

 A Zero Tolerance Policy will be enforced for students who commit acts of misconduct which seriously disrupt the orderly educational process.

There is a lot at stake for the senior football players and I honestly feel for them.

I feel more for the other players not involved in any way, yet who will suffer the consequences of others actions. They likely understand that there is no place for this kind of conduct in a school or athletic setting, period. No exceptions. However, the punishments dolled out to the lower level football programs are saddening to say the least. I hope they are lifted, and soon. But, ultimately, you win as a team you lose as a team. I feel the IHSA has ruled in the best interests for all involved for now, but I also think their needs to be a review of the suspension of the football programs that were not involved in the fighting.

It’s time we went back to upholding sportsmanlike behavior. Football is a very aggressive, inherently violent sport that can be played with manners, believe it or not. Football runs in my family, it’s in my blood, and I was always taught to respect not only the other players, but most importantly you respect the game. We have people in congress like Senator Joe Wilson and Representative John Shimkus who cannot be counted as role models, but it’s nice to see the head coach and a number of courageous student athletes taking a firm stand and coming forward. These students are not criminals; they are athletes who made a life changing mistake, yet how are they to learn and grow from this incident if they have such poor administrative examples of what it takes to be a responsible member of society, especially in the school setting.

North Chicago’s High School community board members need to be kicked in the head, for starters. For not holding people accountable for their jobs and their actions, and not allowing the tax payers to hold you accountable for yours. The politics are played out and the lowered standards that you’ve imposed upon this school district for years has run its course. Our students are our future. Yet you repeatedly punish the administrators WHO DO CARE. Step your game up. 

Student and Athlete Comments and Reactions:
 
daelane shackleford on September 9, 2009 2:47 PM said “i am a student attending north chicago highschool also a member of the team who was involved in the brutal altercation taken place on friday. speaking on the behalf of my team, i am truly sorry for the way we handled the situation. it could have been easily isolated but our childish ways became a much larger problem than we could handle. believe me when i say we will be punished for our actions and from now on we will act as a civilized and organized football team. and if were treated unfare because of our past we will be men about it. thank you and have a blessed day.”

 Ashley on September 5, 2009 4:45 PM  said “I AM A STUDENT OF THE NORTH CHICAGO HIGH SCHOOL AND I WAS AT THE GAME. IT WAS A BIG RIOT. IT WAS VERY EMBARRASING TO WATCH. THERE WERE RUMORS OF COLLEGE SCOUTS BEING THERE AND THEY WERE VERY SHOCKED AT THE INCIDENT. NORTH CHICAGO ALREADY HAS A REPUTATION AND I WAS JUST SO ASHAMED OF OUR PLAYERS BECAUSE WE SUPPORT THEM 100% ALL THE TIME.”

Tevin on September 5, 2009 10:49 PM said “I AM A MEMEBER OF NORTH CHICAGO’S VARSITY TEAM WHO WAS INVOLVED IN THE INCIDENT THAT TOOK PLACE ON FRIDAY AND WITH THAT BEING SAID ON BEHALF OF MY FELLOW TEAMMATES I APOLOGIZE TO SIMEON, TO THE FANS AND TO OUR COMMUNITY. THE INCIDENT STARTED FROM FRUSTRATION ON OUR PART AND ESCALADED INTO SOMETHING WE COULDN’T CONTROL,BUT THAT IS STILL NO REASON IT SHOULD HAVE TAKEN PLACE. SIMEON ARE GREAT OPPONENTS AND OUR FANS ARE GREAT SUPPORTERS AND THIS KIND OF ALTARCATION WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN. WE GET ENOUGH BAD PRESS AS IT IS WE REALLY DONT NO ANY MORE THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ THIS.”

Thank you for showing a level of maturity that should be expected after poor choices and terrible mistakes are made. My hat goes off to these students and athletes for weighing in on a very important issue.   

I previously reported  that Semenya’s testosterone levels were found to be 3 times that of the “normal” range for women. According to the Guardian her levels are within a respectable range despite being higher than average. She will be allowed to participate in women’s track and field events. I am beyond relieved at the outcome and hope Semenya continues to shine on and off the track. There is no doubt that she is a female who is eligible to compete against other female athletes.

Sources within the ASA told South Africa’s Mail & Guardian this week that said Semanya had taken a standard urine test – taken by all athletes – and not gender verification to make sure she was eligible to compete. “She was tested three years ago when she started competing and it was found that she is a woman. She may have rather high levels of male hormones but she is definitely a woman,” the source said.

Another source said she has been tested and found to be a woman, and the issue of whether or not an athlete is tested has to be kept confidential. “Of course it is controversial but results are made known only if there is a problem.”

Chris Hattingh, the chair of ASA’s anti-doping committee, says a urine sample taken for a doping test is often used to test the ratio between testosterone and epi-testosterone. Epitestosterone is a natural steroid produced by the body but can be used to mask the appearance of an unusually high amount of testosterone and is classified as a prohibited substance. The urine sample given for doping tests is taken by a person of the same gender who is also authorised to check any irregularities in the athlete’s genitalia.

I’m going to follow this up with a well written article by David Smith from the Guardian website. He addresses some of the deep socio-cultural issues surrounding South Africa’s persistent problems with discrimination and violence again its masculine identified women, most notably; lesbians.

South Africa had never witnessed a homecoming like it. The quiet bustle of Johannesburg’s OR Tambo airport gave way to a riot of noise and colour on Tuesday as more than 1,000 people welcomed their new sporting heroine. They sang, danced and waved posters proclaiming: “Our golden girl” and “Caster you beaut!”

The patriotic pride in Caster Semenya, the women’s 800m world champion ordered to undergo a “sex verification test”, was fierce and charged with historical grievance. South Africans rallied around her on websites and invoked the ghost of Saartjie Baartman, an 18th-century Khoisan woman dubbed the “Hottentot Venus” who was brought to the UK on account of her large backside common to the Khoisan people and paraded naked for colonialists to prod her genitals with their umbrellas. The defiance went all the way to the top. President Jacob Zuma defended the 18-year-old against accusers who had seized on her androgynous appearance, deep voice and sudden improvement in form, and told her: “Walk tall. We’re proud of you. We love you.”

The fact that a man notorious for “macho politics” was so quick to celebrate Semenya may be political opportunism. But it also speaks to the paradox of a country where women hold significant positions of power yet challenges to notions of femininity are still violently suppressed – and where rape is a national epidemic. Zuma himself infuriated activists after being acquitted of rape with remarks such as: “In Zulu culture you cannot leave a woman if she is ready. To deny her sex, that would have been tantamount to rape.” And Semenya might have been embraced with adulation this week, but another sportswoman who transgressed gender expectations has met a very different fate.

Last year Eudy Simelane, who captained South Africa’s women football team, was gang-raped and beaten, before being stabbed 25 times in the face, chest and legs. This week, as Semenya was praised by her countrymen, three men went on trial for Simelane’s murder. Gay and lesbian activists said that Simelane – a 29-year-old politically active lesbian of supposedly “butch” appearance – was just the most high-profile victim of so-called “corrective rape”. That is the rape of a lesbian by a man to punish or “cure” her sexual orientation.

Marlow Valentine of the Triangle project, a leading Southern African gay rights organisation, says: “It is mostly ‘butch-presenting’ women who are targeted and Eudy Simelane was seen as someone who challenged the normative ideas of what gender is. She was brutally murdered because she chose to live her life as a proud, visible and confident gay woman. Her life was taken because a group of men believed she was ‘other’.”

Shocking research published last year by Triangle revealed that 10 cases of “corrective rape” are reported in South Africa every week. An astonishing 31 lesbians have been reported murdered in homophobic attacks since 1998 but only two cases have made it to the courts and there has been only one conviction.

On paper, South Africa is progressive. Women MPs make up 44.5% of its parliament, the third-highest representation in the world after Rwanda and Sweden. In 1994 it became the first country in the world to explicitly prohibit discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation in its constitution. It was also the first country in Africa to legalise gay marriage. Yet the reality is very different, says Phumi Mtetwa, executive director of the Lesbian and Gay Equality Project. “There are women in leadership roles but they don’t necessarily advance a female agenda. Women are at the bottom in this country when it comes to help. Let the ANC [African National Congress] produce a campaign in which we celebrate different gender identities.”

The criticism has been echoed by academics and activists in South Africa who, in a recent joint letter about Semenya, said the country is still in thrall “to deeply held dominant ideas about what is ‘female’ and ‘male’”. They added: “It is these ideas and actions that promote gender discrimination. This leads to men, who in societies’ terms do not look ‘masculine enough’, being called ’sissies’ and women who look not ‘feminine enough’ being labelled ‘butch’. In our own society this has led to violent attacks on some women and in our own and other countries to violent attacks on some boys/men. This is what we need to clearly point as underlying this case and name it for what it is.”

So how has Semenya escaped South Africa’s gender policing? Is it a case of patriotism trumping prejudice – would she be defended so passionately if she had finished 12th in her race? This, too, is complex. When the Guardian visited her home village in a remote rural area of Limpopo province, it found friends and neighbours who watched her wear trousers, play football with boys and shun talk of boyfriends – and who still accepted her unquestioningly. Dean Peacock, co-director of the Sonke Gender Justice Project, says: “Her parents have been very supportive. It doesn’t conform to the particular stereotype of rural families in Limpopo. I think Caster Semenya’s father is the unsung hero of this story. He belongs to a traditional church in a small village but leapt to her defence and has never tried to force her into a particular gender role.”

Recent research by the Sonke Project found traditional views of gender deeply entrenched in South Africa. Men said they felt a deep sense of shame when unable to fulfil the role of provider and protector, with male violence a possible consequence of feeling that their manhood is threatened. Working women are accepted but are still expected to take the majority of domestic and parenting responsibilities. Peacock finds the Semenya episode encouraging, however. “It’s fantastic how supportive people have been of a bold and courageous young woman. She could easily have been the butt of jokes and homophobia but there has been none of that. She’s determined to resist conformity and be who she is, and that’s inspiring in a country where there isn’t a lot of space for complex gender identities.”

The Semenya story has been complicated by racial politics, with leaders such as Malema and Winnie Madikizela-Mandela citing the struggle against apartheid and accusing the west of “imperialism”. In this case it is Europe, not Africa, that has proved intolerant and illiberal with its prurient commentaries and bookmakers taking bets on whether Semenya will be found to be female, male or hermaphrodite. At the centre of it all is a shy teenager having the core of her identity assailed.

Vytjie Mentor, a female MP for the ANC, describes the events of the past week as a “milestone” that stands in contrast to the murder of Simelane. “It looks like we are leaving that sad chapter behind,” she says. “This must be defended and multiplied.”

She reflects on a divided nation: “I went to a skincare shop in Cape Town and found two gay men who gave me advice and who wear makeup themselves. I asked if they suffer resentment from other men and they said no, they don’t. But last night I watched a TV programme about young girls in Eastern Cape being forced into marriage. There was a 13-year-old girl who had been made pregnant against her will. So we cannot say we have arrived.”

Mentor concludes: “There are a lot of contradictions in South Africa today, but the Caster Semenya case gives us hope.”