The Swag Report » Poetry

Soul Deep

Knowledge — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 17:30:37 +0000

There’s a deep richness in my affinity for you
A spiritual arousal of intoxicating sensual
You spray me with the odor of my favorite scented brand
Your sexy nature arouses each and every one of my senses
Every shade of the deepest brown is reflected in your eyes
I feel a sense of harmony in knowing that with you everything feels right
I know it’s not too soon, for we learn so much from one another
I’m loving your practical ways and how easily we come together
How at the end of the day or beginning a new one – somewhere along the way
We were made for one another… I think its safe to say
We’ve searched and waited patiently for a love that doesn’t rush
That recognizes the beauty in two souls
Destined to become one

Love Is Imperfect Perfection

To The One Riding Shotgun

Knowledge — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 18:11:32 +0000

What describes this super intense
Longing, aching, rumbling feeling
Can’t quite concentrate on anything without any meaning
Except on how to keep our boat from reeling
And how your body is the fruit that I see myself peeling
How my spirit is searing
With the passion of an electrified charge
How your protons push my buttons
Particles strum chords across my heart, and
it understates the understanding
Of this intense physical need
And how you produce within me
Such a power that I concede
So strong is my desire
For you – it bleeds
And hinges on everything
That I can’t fully conceive
Of the thought that possibly we might not be
Made to love each other
To kiss, to hold and to tease
To bring about a feeling
Of longing and ecstasy
Your mind and your body – both ready for the taking
To descend upon what’s mine
I’m pulling out all stops in sync
I’m gonna love you exclusively
Pulling us closer to the brink
Your heart and mine – they both drum beat
In unison with a sense of the most sensual healing
That this lingering feeling keeps on constantly bringing
With it no doubt that our connection supersedes
Anyone that was previously
Considered to be
Meant for you and me
I’m riding shotgun from now on
They can take a backseat

There Are Always Haters

Knowledge — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 22:18:17 +0000

We were on a long walk in the park

in late August

The lake water shimmered against the sun’s gaze

fall was upon us

And I stopped to lean against a tree

It was the farthest one I could find

You leaned against me and a passerby said something like,

“It won’t last ladies” as if there was something we were hiding

When it was their own love that was washed away with the tide

Long ago along the way when running laps through hearts lapsed

But we enjoy the playful breeze and embrace in practice

And pretend not to listen as thoughts run through our heads

And we enjoy the disguise of being one with one another instead

Tip-toes arch, arms out stretch as I press my body upon her

We gaze deeply while set ablaze letting our desires run asunder

Full of life as we touch every sense is ignited

Ignoring glares and stares of lives left unenlivened

Having never experienced the passion incited

With flailing hearts set to stone

Engulfed within the bodies of ice cold people

In spite of

This love we find ourselves dabbling in

By those same critics

Recusing when love reaches in

Yet somehow our feelings are mental holograms

Situated in a place they can’t conceive of when

They know love can’t be cloned so they remain discontented

Like people trapped inside of aliens

When aliases break down – they condense

But we are signed, sealed and delivered – for love is like that

It is senseless when it triggers

With every kiss that we extract

The most intense feeling that ever existed

Outside of pain anyway

Which most of them are inflicted with

I think as I press my lips to hers once again

And listen to the thoughts fluttering in

Silently uttering something reminiscent of

“Poor them…”

The Universe in Discord

Knowledge — Sat, 08 Oct 2011 17:00:38 +0000

They shootin’ rockets at the moon
Claim they lookin’ for water
Awarding President’s Peace Prizes
He ain’t done shit to stop the slaughter
Requires a crisis of conscious
Why a crisis is upon us
But I don’t wish for terrible things
Only for them to be spun off us
Brought out into the light
To get to the center of truth
You gotta open up part of the sky
Then watch for signs to confuse
Everyone can’t see clearly enough get to the root of things
How sinning is the process – of defying our divinity
How there is some function beyond loving that is the key to all of this
Life – and how short time flies as the clock continues to tick
You better hope for reincarnation
Pray that spirits do live
Infinitely tending Earth’s garden ’til humans bring about its end
Intimately tending Earth’s population ’til all children eventually blend
When our creations recreate, remember we are not all God’s children
We do not share similar worries
Wondering if Adonai is really Elohim
In whoever’s image we were created
We must strive to get to know ‘Em
Not just in religious connotation – trust that all God’s people are chosen
All lumped in as one but what it doesn’t state is this:
Nationality vs. Race leaves massive inequalities and tension
Neither truly define our right as human beings to live contented
Using tools without instructions creating chaos laced good intentions
And with it no true history incorporated into educational institutions
Must it all be in vain
Must our knowledge remain hidden
As long as they keep the truth in chains
History repeats like time’s a villain
Therein lies the truth we know time and again has been re-written
Felt by many over lifetimes
Passed over-stood until we’re smitten
But in the end – only truth remains
It’s clearly defined as life’s true mission

How’s Life Cheating You

Knowledge — Sat, 17 Sep 2011 02:30:12 +0000

Two years in review and much has changed
Opportunities arise on a daily base
And still I put myself out there
Unafraid to take blame
Of my past indiscretions
And the danger I faced
When I came clean about cheating
I’ll never forget the day
Drove over to my mistresses place
I had a lot to say
When I got to the door I heard the music escaping
The sounds of making love from their lips dissipating
She arrived at the door and let me in, all kissy faced
I could tell she’d been sexing by the image on display
I could see it in her face, derived by the look in her eyes
Her bedroom door remained closed
That was clue two — so said I
She asked why I came
So I showed her my keys
And reminded her that I paid half the rent
So to speak
The truth of the matter was she got caught with her panties down
With her new fling in the bedroom where they went all the way downtown
They took a bite out of the pie that I had been baking all year
I got exactly what I deserved – karma was playing on my fears
I Got Pimp Slapped
To be honest – I deserved far worse than I feared
I should have saved myself the trouble
Walked and wallowed in tears
But I couldn’t lie any longer
I’d done enough lying for too long
No matter how potent my tongue game
The pull of her thong was more strong
And my girlfriend was broken
From all of the women I had done wrong
I was lying to myself, even as I kept falling
Baggage flying off the shelf where I had previously installed it
But no landing strip in sight despite many sad songs, and
I told on myself to save you all the trouble
I rode by myself, regret that I ever succumbed to
Loving and losing oneself, that’s what it all boils up to
I learned that I was both Master and Fool
When my emotions overpower, and are clearly on the move
I wondered what it was I sought
You wondered why it couldn’t be you
But I always aim free and see everything right through
Beyond the surface of wanton preference
Beyond regulations and rules
Stereotypical statements of reverence
Beyond those lacking broad minded views
Filling voids through intellectual lessons
Acrobatics expressed half-truths
Countenance met with sentiments
No longer allowed to falsely excuse
My imperfections as dutiful
Like the times I failed to refute
The first thing I noticed about her, and how it wasn’t her high-heeled shoes
Not her poetic mind either, she made a much better muse
How sweet words she conjured in kind
Begot others kindness in tune
No ruse at putting up false pretenses
Love saved before it was duped
In time to turn the first page
Proof what’s been written is true
Addicted to a concept called love
I turn another page; my ink runs
I see a name, etched on a face, too slight to touch
Two new smiles rise like the sun
Over again we’re falling in love
I was taken back by the lingering tingling welcoming of
Feelings evoked from a kiss had me shouting above
Oh how breathless I’d become,
and at times pause to let in another gust
But it was really to reminisce
To overstand that original love
Always overcomes original sin
And my spirit had been damaged enough
But still, you let me in
It begged and pleaded for forgiveness
And in your sanctuary we began again
Fortunate for me, all roads, in vain, don’t end
All told, considering, I can only shake my head
All points, instead, lead right back to you
Pompous pedestals placed up high; eschewed
Come sit atop it, woman, and so you do
No longer a constant gnawing at hurting you
Promises no longer empty and made too simply
To overcome one heart just to get over on the next piece
Your love was enough through and through
You did nothing wrong
But I thought my words would flow tip of tongue
Like beautiful rough pieces of uncut diamonds
Everyone knows the tale about a girls best friend
But not everyone knows that it’s not always diamonds
Perhaps a new beginning is what she wishes for instead
Maybe the love of a poet, for others would probably take a pass
But not my love who saw me for more than I represented
Beyond all the worldly materialistic shit
Together again, we make each day worth a million, and
No matter what we’re presented with
Life no longer cheats, it lives
I’m no more allowing it

Deciphering A Purpose

Knowledge — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 18:00:50 +0000

Every day I reflect on the person I am becoming.
A constant work in progress I used to call myself, but it’s more like a constantly evolving process in which I’m resolving my former doubt – living life as I know how.
There are times when eliminating toxic things and people from my world take their toll.
But I work on becoming a better me anyway because no one’s path is paved in gold.
I work on recognizing my thoughts, feelings, wants and needs for what they are and addressing them accordingly.
I accept the things I cannot change and change the things I can when I’m avoiding complacency.
Is life meant to be enjoyed or is it a discovery of sorts… that will constantly leave you wondering what else there is in store.
It is meant to be questioned, challenged, debated and argued about.
It is meant to be a learning journey, a perpetual adventure for knowledge or doubt.
In depth or not, when we come to the end of our road are we supposed to be able to walk away from it all?
With the knowledge that our existence made a difference, no matter how big or small?
It means something to more than just friends and family and the odd stranger we run across along the way.
Paying it forward is life’s biggest reward – and presents an unexpected payday.
Doing nice things for random people and expecting nothing in return – now that’s an exceptional display of human nature at its most basic form.
Speaking up when injustices occur. Takes bravery and courage. Not becoming the root cause of our problems, just like with happiness, means moving forward.
Every one of us, fighting daily battles to overcome and advance in the struggles for and against and for what?
Strengths and weaknesses are put to the forefront and wrestled with every day.
The grind is constant, like prophets and the many sights they’ve seen (scene) and played.
We are always being watched; observed and whether or not we recognize it, these occurrences hold special importance for each and every one of us.
Our ancestors are watching, believe it or not.
There have been times where I have given no care in the world and have subsequently done things I am most definitely ashamed of.
I wonder, will they still embrace the love that lives within my heart, dispersing itself to all my nerve endings… is the finish dictated by the start.
Deep regret was a distant but close relative of mine and in the same vein love overcomes all of that in time.
Regret, but restart your engine please.
Begin again regardless of any pending vacancy.
It’s important to care and equally so is the importance of fostering meaningful friendships on a level that’s fair. Where all is equally laid to bare.
More so is the importance of sometimes doing things you don’t want to for the greater good, i.e. fostering kinship’s. Pulling myself out of the occasional rut; a key component to success so when I’m in that rut and doing terribly I can ask, “why is this?” and know exactly why this is.
Achieving takes more than believing. When I get stuck, I have to patiently become undone using whatever it takes. Whether it be blood or spilling my guts, peeling off the outer shell before cracking more nuts.
Because it’s so easy to get stuck and feel helpless when you know all that you can accomplish can only be done when you are selfless.
Embracing my fears, while remaining fearless. Unafraid of shedding tears, because showing emotions is courageous. Peer pressure can bear down and cause the opposite effect.
When buried at the root, that’s where you’ll find the isolated problem, and what can happen is that we start looking for someone or something to lift us up without lifting a hand to assist with it ourselves.
We should be looking to our God or some other higher power or whoever it is we believe in, not only to give us strength, but to help us find the power within ourselves to carry on and persist.
To live. To exist. The best lessons are learned hardest and I’m certain I’ll have to teach myself most of the important ones all over again.
And mostly for love when the lack of it is threatening.
It’s necessary to do this when we forget how to exist.
How to put forward our best foot and allow the other to create its own footstep.
Like my dad sometimes says, “we often revert back to the fundamentals no matter what the discipline.”
The fundamentals align with the bigger picture and we expand upon them.
Every single day, expounding upon the basics so to say.
It’s important that we practice taking the necessary steps to ensure that we possess the ability to dig so deep within that we feel as if we might become lost in the bottom.
And although we know exactly what’s needed to reach into that place and then back out of that sometimes unsavory space, we do it anyway.
Use that power and energy… to pull ourselves out of the quick sand because life is short and goes by too fast.
And like quick sand if you’re not fast enough you can sink right in.
Everyone deserves happiness and contentment, but not at the purposeful disadvantage of others, even ourselves and how we’re living.
No exceptions.
Life, for everyone, is not whole, but life as a whole is a work in progress for all to dig our heels in, but don’t forget to alleviate our stress.
Answer the call.
On a continuum of continuity. That there’s life. It goes on, infinitely.
And there’s nothing, not a damn thing wrong with accessing the full potential of the human genome.
Our bodies, ourselves - following a natural pursuit of using life as a tool bodes well.
Ironically, that is exactly what happens whether or not we stop to acknowledge and pay tribute to our prowess, especially if it is of the good variety.
Everything we do in life harbors growth.
Spirit, energy, it never dies, and is always searching, for another place another time – another life or an alternate purpose.
Every time we love it is passed on to the next person – place or thing. It’s never too far gone from life’s quilted seams.
Every moment of our lives can be penetrated and what’s derived is the very best and worst that our souls have sacrificed in payment.
With every breath drawn, a canvas is created and artistry never knew such a beautiful diversion until our last breath drawn out makes every moment spent on this earth and beyond…
Most truly worthwhile.

The Dark Side of Affairs IV

Knowledge — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 23:52:48 +0000

I was recently asked by a reader of my blog: How or what did you read or do in order to initially get it together!?

I met my karma head on. After all, it was mine - I earned it, I deserved it, I knew it was coming and so I braced and prepared myself for the world of hurt the impact would cause. I stopped justifying my bad behavior and started facing my fears. I stopped running from commitment and seriously neglecting personal responsibilities and sacrificing my morals for a quick feel good fix.

I had to be completely honest with myself. I had to let the affair be a testament to my imperfect frailty. It is vital that you be honest with yourself and the person you’re having the affair with. I was in love with my mistress and there was a time following the affair when I couldn’t even admit that. When you’ve given a piece of your heart to someone, it is forever gone and you have to come to terms with that loss. The more you put it off, the worse off you become.

Cheating affects the lives of everyone around you. Because you’re not only lying to yourself, you’re lying to everyone else too. Living that lie often points to deeper issues that underlie the relationship you have with your significant other (yourself if you’re single or your partner if you’re in a relationship.) There’s usually something wrong or missing - a result of some negative force lying beneath the surface that is perpetually avoided or excused so that it continues. This immoral behavior is so easily recognized that it can be addressed or ignored altogether depending on what foot the shoe is on and who is wearing it. Cheating is easy and indiscriminate and it hurts innocent people who have absolutely nothing to do with the actions pursued, especially children.

Recognizing patterns of excess in our lives manifested through lust, sexual insatiability, physical and emotional attention wanted and sought using false promises of love and impassioned sex is a crucial step, but one that many cheaters often disregard until long after the affair has been exposed.

I didn’t have to read or do anything except to allow myself to experience the overwhelming weight of my actions as they crashed down on me, pulling me deeper still into a place I wasn’t ready to go yet, to face questions about myself I wasn’t ready to answer. I had to feel a hurt so deep that felt so bad that any and all tears left within me dried completely up, leaving my heart feeling like a heavy burden upon my soul instead of being the life force that it is. Experiencing that kind of pain is what eventually caused me to snap out of the false comfort I’d created for myself and those around me for that 2 years time period.

I had to get played like a fool because that’s what I was and how I felt. Toward the end of my affair I was so hurt by the resulting actions of my ex and her attempts to protect herself from further pain by withdrawing, but not completely, that my emotions eventually shut down. The pain of loss that I felt was honest and true as far as I knew and while affected I let my words flow out of me like the emotions that had previously overwhelmed. I turned thoughts into words and emptied my heart. I was pissed off at myself and at her because I still wanted her, but I loved my girlfriend and there was no way to reconcile the two because what I had been doing was plain wrong.

In the end, life goes on, but what’s most difficult to remember is that love goes right along with it. Like people, love reinvents itself, yet remains timeless. We must do the same with the affairs aftershocks… by reinventing ourselves. Transfer any longing onto something beneficial or onto an available someone else. Seek outward inspiration like you sought that first fiery kiss that felt so good you could have floated up to heaven. Crave positivity and goodness, which cheating is not, like you crave peace of mind. When we mistreat our bodies through poor diet and lack of exercise, our bodies suffer and ultimately so do we. We are an extension of our physical selves. So to do our souls suffer greatly when we feed them garbage when what it really desires is healthy, life giving sustenance. Affairs are kind of like that. They are completely and utterly self destructive no matter how good the sex is or how far gone your emotions may be for the object of your affection. No matter how good it feels, a lie is a lie and it only serves to weaken our other truths and to delay our healing.

In the final chapter of my affair I penned a poem.

The Meanest Poem I Ever Wrote.

It’s funny how someone who once loved you can so easily forget the good while at the same vividly remembering the bad times.
Because those bad instances somehow negate the good shit?
No, it’s because those bad times are what ultimately lead to the end of an error.
I mean the end of a long over-through relationship.
If the new girlfriend so easily had you from the start, then be honest, she really didn’t have to try all that hard.
You were left wide open and ripe for the picking.
You wanted someone to move in with and to keep your pussy dripping.
To restore your peace of mind and relinquish loves fate.
And there’s nothing wrong with that, just be real is what I’m saying.
It’s even worse that you were trying to restore your relationship with me.
At the same time forming a new one with your new shining King.
Again, be real with yourself, if you know how to that is.
So used to being fake with your family and friends.
If you must know, I always found that social awkwardness repulsive.
I noticed how it took no time for you to find your new shining knight, while at the same time you couldn’t even keep on your lights.
Asking me to continue assisting you financially, because you couldn’t pay your bills, but didn’t want your new girl to see.
I should have known you were phony, your contrast was stark.
Shouldn’t have paid a damn thing, let you both sit there in the dark.
Your credit was bad and I’m glad I didn’t let you destroy that too.
You’ve got some nerve writing about needing to be rescued.
I did plenty of that while you fucked your new piece in the bedroom.
You found someone who was interested in the outward exchanges while you still expressed your love and want for me daily.
Again, you disgust me and in the end I realized you were mostly out for my money.
Your new love was curious about why you needed to console yourself all the while telling her one thing while telling me something else.
You were whoring your debt out to the highest bidder, Me, while lying to her about your availability.
And I use the word love very lightly in your case since you have no idea what it actually consists of, you fucking fake.
You were telling your new love all the sweet nothings you’d told me.
Regurgitated bullshit expecting her to write to you like me, recite you poetry and give you nice pretty things like me?
She couldn’t get on my level if I gave her my vocabulary.
Calling her my old familiar names, yet all the while my dumb ass still paid your bills because….
- those mother fuckers were not getting paid.
How about that knight of yours be my banker for a day and make good on the debt that you left me unpaid.
Your soul belongs to no one and you are without shame… although you should own up to your share for shit you did back in the day, mate.
You are too damn old to be playing these games.
I guess it would be too much to say “act your age,” since you act like you never grew out of your “daddy’s girl” phase.
It is my hope that you never find another like any others you’ve ever been with before me; remember Melanie?
Poor thing.
Hopefully, this new one teaches you the value of being a real woman who can be true to herself and stop being fake ’cause for real though.
All I saw was fake, from your hair weave to the cheap glue you’d use to the eyelashes you’d apply using that same tacky ass glue.
I never got to tell you I loved you dancing or standing still,
I never got to tell you that sometimes your underarms smelled.
-
I LOVED YOU THAT MUCH even though I chuckle at the smell, I mean the thought of it now.
I used to wonder how you didn’t gag at yourself at times, but when you smell funk long enough you get used to it right?
All these things I kept inside because… well, at the time I truly loved you and I thought I was your shining knight.
Time’s allowed me to clear my heart and now it’s time to clear my mind.
You had every right to write that blog but even more telling was the glaring lack of response.
How your sentiments seemed corny and your testimonials a big front.
Do me a favor and put your page back on private from now on.
And please watch what you write because I’ll come out on top.
Funny how karma works and how I don’t wish the bad kind on anyone.
But if clearing my mind makes you wish that bad bitch on me, it’s only fair since I’m putting it out there for all to see.
Let’s just hope there’s no backlash ’cause you ain’t all roses, Missy.
I know damn well my shit stinks, but I bite back when I hear a motherfucker talkin’ shit about me.
Peace.

Relationships: Cancer Changes Everything

Knowledge — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 23:46:56 +0000

(circa 1998)

Where is my will
Where has my spirit gone
Flown away like a dove
Released and peaceful
Yet I am not pure
All perfection a figment
Always the occupant
Of mortal thoughts
Imperfect premises
Must it be this way
A constant contemplate…

We went from being at peace to declaring war in a matter of days. I absorbed the shock the best way I knew how. By comparing my life to a Shakespearean play full of tragedy and rich with history and possibility, but without the comedy, so then I could attempt to rationalize why this was happening to her… to us. I was emotional, but not a wreck. I broke down along with my heart and forgot how to think, but I still questioned. I felt dull inside for a few seconds, but I was still strong as she clung to me. I was glad the broken pieces and her tears were falling in between us.

For as long as I can remember, no amount of human consolation has ever been enough to dispel the constant worry I’ve had about my loved ones and mortality. I was always on another level. I imagined what must have been going through my girlfriend’s mind. Stage 3, where it’s A or B, only time will tell and we still don’t know. At least not right now. How we went from planning summer vacations and visits to see family to being hit by a train carrying the speed of light… still escapes me. Or maybe it’s me that seeks to escape it, but there’s no escaping cancer. You have to fight to beat it, but the hardest part is not giving up hope. You can’t concede it. I remind myself daily that life isn’t fair, but it’s tough to operate on the same level when you know the threat is there.

I wanted to stop writing altogether because no words came easy and for once I didn’t want to express my pain and frustration, but that wasn’t working out well. The bottling of any emotion, especially pain, can result in something even more undesirable like depression, or worse. Disdain. It was only bearable when I was alone with my thoughts. Why cancer? Why now? Why her? Why us? But… I had to stop for a moment and seek a higher power. I never lost faith, I started out a devout follower. But I broke free of those chains directing my questions to the higher power. He told me to look within. You see… knowledge of self projects a mirror image so powerful it recognizes everything, but it’s up to us to bring it to light. Do you follow me? It s up to us to dig deeper, and so I dug. It was because as much as we think we know ourselves we’re not all knowing about ourselves or any one thing for that matter. Because we never wanted to know or because we never knew we were supposed to know. Whichever is to blame. I went on a quest to reclaim my spirituality. Before I grew tired of writing about things that required me to reach further into myself because the deeper I got the more I could see clearly for the first time, I recorded my thoughts. I began having to contend with things that were distracting me from the reality of what we were facing; cancer, and overall I was reminded of a younger me; feeling all vulnerable and shit when I got back into the thick of things. Still, I write.

Part One.

Cancer changes everything

The cancer diagnosis gave butterfly kicks
But not the kind you get when
Love flutters in – no
The girl I met on the Las Vegas strip
Was not the same woman that I remembered
Her neck down, bent
No mask covering her head
Just bald and beautiful
Although she doesn’t think she is
Not realizing she is among the best of them
No play pretend
I remember this:
Her sweet nothings to me were like birthday gifts
Another lesson is:
It is not just for men, to cry in private
Private tears aren’t attached to no exclusive nothin’
Try as they might to hide it
Those rivers mean something
And speaking of something
Let me speak of my woman
How surreal our present direction is going
How life can trick
Like some cruel and unusual punishment
Emotional up close yet feeling so distant
When it came to loving you
I eventually threw all my cards in
I used to feel like it was dutiful
But now I know I had no clue about it
How I was made for you
How you’re fighting this fight
Because you were chosen to
After all the weigh ins and chemo treatments
The show goes on for the rest of you
But for us it takes on new meaning

Part Two.

We understand clearly

Now our roles are two fold
How the way I guard my state
Won’t make true lies withhold
Yeah she tried to penetrate
I think I let her and held on
“I take prisoners!” my brain elated
On second thought, I yelled “Oh no!”
Trying to fan my flames
Will only get you smoked
My brain is not fried
I prefer slow roasted
I can’t concentrate on shit
Wondering…
“Is the tumor growing?”
If I wear a thinking cap
“Will it stop my head from exploding?”
Unanswered questions coupled with extreme self-loathing
Pushing me further into my emotions
The boat’s weighed down but not floating
Then a thought creeps silently in
Flashback to x-rays against a bright screen
How we examined searching for light spots that gleemed
My thoughts all over the place
Not concentrating on a single thing
Just two in fact
You and me
and love and peace
Too many things
So I count blessings
Otherwise shit gets too deep

The Darkness Surrounding the Light of Day

Knowledge — Wed, 11 May 2011 18:00:00 +0000

It was surreal to be honest
Of the vast desolate silence in the house
The only noises felt were within rays
Streaming in from above
Shining in through the skylight window you so love
So much for camping and road trips and festivals to come
Oh Clark Street – you must have known this was our summer
What our plans consisted of
And with it, I understand why the knowledge hit so hard
I live in similar fashion
Full of direction
Full of love
But at the same time – passionate
Like a punch to the gut
But the light eventually retreated its expose
Fresh dried tears wiped away
I waited to compose
A special hug
I remember holding you close
My arms like the darkness
A double dose heavily descended
Embracing no underlying pretensions
I tried to awake from this most peculiar dream
I captured thoughts but
Couldn’t repel what plagued me
I was left wondering
Is this real – or am I dreaming
The logic of the diagnosis still alien to me
The most I did was breathe
To prevent myself from heaving
Heavy heartache surrounded
The tumor was all I could see
Awkward in nature and blindly exposed
And from that vision there was no console
No one could know how our thoughts water flowed
How you inspire so many with
Countless somethings wonderful
If only it hadn’t taken me this long to know
To realize my purpose – so foreign then
One that I failed to logically comprehend
Be still your weary soul
I seal it onto my own – append
This bond knows no fear so our fear is unknown
And with my purpose finally cemented
I leap with faith constantly replenished
Cause when the curtains fold
Like in the plays of old
We anxiously await the intermission

The Transformation of Lives

Knowledge — Tue, 10 May 2011 23:04:05 +0000

How is it
That in such a short time
You have produced a fear
That has crippled our stride
As I watched my baby’s face succumb
To news neither of us were expecting
We became numb
Breast cancer
the diagnosis
It was confirmed to us
It had dug in its trenches
Tracked footprints across
Our hearts, beating away
Never detached for naught
As we prayed for an answer
I felt the suns rays
I’ll never forget that day
and I’ll never forget this fight
Against a terrible nightmare
dreaming away precious life
But we will fight against it
the call has been heard
In our minds and our hearts
we will not be deterred
As I stand here in her firmly planted footsteps
Life takes on new meaning
And we trudge straight ahead
For there are no backtracks
We are forever glued
Coping with these cancerous radiant blues
She brings joy to so many
but now with you
The greatest joy to come
when you no longer constitute
When your deadly rampage is no longer ensued
With a body tired
and a soul weakened by battle
In this moment I stand tall
For her – in spite of you
See
When I made her rest her weary soul upon me
I wanted to carry her burden
Because she is deserving
Of my strength and courage
my most prominent ingredients
So I come equipped for
A battle of epic proportioning
Ready to beat the crap
Out of the fear that grips me
I remind myself daily
Of all the things cancer cannot impede
It cannot quell our spirits
It cannot destroy our faith
It cannot dispel the hopes
We placed in dreams of yesterday
It cannot still our passion
Nor our love of life and love
The only way it can win is
If we allow it to, my love