The Swag Report » Karma

How’s Life Cheating You

Knowledge — Sat, 17 Sep 2011 02:30:12 +0000

Two years in review and much has changed
Opportunities arise on a daily base
And still I put myself out there
Unafraid to take blame
Of my past indiscretions
And the danger I faced
When I came clean about cheating
I’ll never forget the day
Drove over to my mistresses place
I had a lot to say
When I got to the door I heard the music escaping
The sounds of making love from their lips dissipating
She arrived at the door and let me in, all kissy faced
I could tell she’d been sexing by the image on display
I could see it in her face, derived by the look in her eyes
Her bedroom door remained closed
That was clue two — so said I
She asked why I came
So I showed her my keys
And reminded her that I paid half the rent
So to speak
The truth of the matter was she got caught with her panties down
With her new fling in the bedroom where they went all the way downtown
They took a bite out of the pie that I had been baking all year
I got exactly what I deserved – karma was playing on my fears
I Got Pimp Slapped
To be honest – I deserved far worse than I feared
I should have saved myself the trouble
Walked and wallowed in tears
But I couldn’t lie any longer
I’d done enough lying for too long
No matter how potent my tongue game
The pull of her thong was more strong
And my girlfriend was broken
From all of the women I had done wrong
I was lying to myself, even as I kept falling
Baggage flying off the shelf where I had previously installed it
But no landing strip in sight despite many sad songs, and
I told on myself to save you all the trouble
I rode by myself, regret that I ever succumbed to
Loving and losing oneself, that’s what it all boils up to
I learned that I was both Master and Fool
When my emotions overpower, and are clearly on the move
I wondered what it was I sought
You wondered why it couldn’t be you
But I always aim free and see everything right through
Beyond the surface of wanton preference
Beyond regulations and rules
Stereotypical statements of reverence
Beyond those lacking broad minded views
Filling voids through intellectual lessons
Acrobatics expressed half-truths
Countenance met with sentiments
No longer allowed to falsely excuse
My imperfections as dutiful
Like the times I failed to refute
The first thing I noticed about her, and how it wasn’t her high-heeled shoes
Not her poetic mind either, she made a much better muse
How sweet words she conjured in kind
Begot others kindness in tune
No ruse at putting up false pretenses
Love saved before it was duped
In time to turn the first page
Proof what’s been written is true
Addicted to a concept called love
I turn another page; my ink runs
I see a name, etched on a face, too slight to touch
Two new smiles rise like the sun
Over again we’re falling in love
I was taken back by the lingering tingling welcoming of
Feelings evoked from a kiss had me shouting above
Oh how breathless I’d become,
and at times pause to let in another gust
But it was really to reminisce
To overstand that original love
Always overcomes original sin
And my spirit had been damaged enough
But still, you let me in
It begged and pleaded for forgiveness
And in your sanctuary we began again
Fortunate for me, all roads, in vain, don’t end
All told, considering, I can only shake my head
All points, instead, lead right back to you
Pompous pedestals placed up high; eschewed
Come sit atop it, woman, and so you do
No longer a constant gnawing at hurting you
Promises no longer empty and made too simply
To overcome one heart just to get over on the next piece
Your love was enough through and through
You did nothing wrong
But I thought my words would flow tip of tongue
Like beautiful rough pieces of uncut diamonds
Everyone knows the tale about a girls best friend
But not everyone knows that it’s not always diamonds
Perhaps a new beginning is what she wishes for instead
Maybe the love of a poet, for others would probably take a pass
But not my love who saw me for more than I represented
Beyond all the worldly materialistic shit
Together again, we make each day worth a million, and
No matter what we’re presented with
Life no longer cheats, it lives
I’m no more allowing it

The Dark Side of Affairs IV

Knowledge — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 23:52:48 +0000

I was recently asked by a reader of my blog: How or what did you read or do in order to initially get it together!?

I met my karma head on. After all, it was mine - I earned it, I deserved it, I knew it was coming and so I braced and prepared myself for the world of hurt the impact would cause. I stopped justifying my bad behavior and started facing my fears. I stopped running from commitment and seriously neglecting personal responsibilities and sacrificing my morals for a quick feel good fix.

I had to be completely honest with myself. I had to let the affair be a testament to my imperfect frailty. It is vital that you be honest with yourself and the person you’re having the affair with. I was in love with my mistress and there was a time following the affair when I couldn’t even admit that. When you’ve given a piece of your heart to someone, it is forever gone and you have to come to terms with that loss. The more you put it off, the worse off you become.

Cheating affects the lives of everyone around you. Because you’re not only lying to yourself, you’re lying to everyone else too. Living that lie often points to deeper issues that underlie the relationship you have with your significant other (yourself if you’re single or your partner if you’re in a relationship.) There’s usually something wrong or missing - a result of some negative force lying beneath the surface that is perpetually avoided or excused so that it continues. This immoral behavior is so easily recognized that it can be addressed or ignored altogether depending on what foot the shoe is on and who is wearing it. Cheating is easy and indiscriminate and it hurts innocent people who have absolutely nothing to do with the actions pursued, especially children.

Recognizing patterns of excess in our lives manifested through lust, sexual insatiability, physical and emotional attention wanted and sought using false promises of love and impassioned sex is a crucial step, but one that many cheaters often disregard until long after the affair has been exposed.

I didn’t have to read or do anything except to allow myself to experience the overwhelming weight of my actions as they crashed down on me, pulling me deeper still into a place I wasn’t ready to go yet, to face questions about myself I wasn’t ready to answer. I had to feel a hurt so deep that felt so bad that any and all tears left within me dried completely up, leaving my heart feeling like a heavy burden upon my soul instead of being the life force that it is. Experiencing that kind of pain is what eventually caused me to snap out of the false comfort I’d created for myself and those around me for that 2 years time period.

I had to get played like a fool because that’s what I was and how I felt. Toward the end of my affair I was so hurt by the resulting actions of my ex and her attempts to protect herself from further pain by withdrawing, but not completely, that my emotions eventually shut down. The pain of loss that I felt was honest and true as far as I knew and while affected I let my words flow out of me like the emotions that had previously overwhelmed. I turned thoughts into words and emptied my heart. I was pissed off at myself and at her because I still wanted her, but I loved my girlfriend and there was no way to reconcile the two because what I had been doing was plain wrong.

In the end, life goes on, but what’s most difficult to remember is that love goes right along with it. Like people, love reinvents itself, yet remains timeless. We must do the same with the affairs aftershocks… by reinventing ourselves. Transfer any longing onto something beneficial or onto an available someone else. Seek outward inspiration like you sought that first fiery kiss that felt so good you could have floated up to heaven. Crave positivity and goodness, which cheating is not, like you crave peace of mind. When we mistreat our bodies through poor diet and lack of exercise, our bodies suffer and ultimately so do we. We are an extension of our physical selves. So to do our souls suffer greatly when we feed them garbage when what it really desires is healthy, life giving sustenance. Affairs are kind of like that. They are completely and utterly self destructive no matter how good the sex is or how far gone your emotions may be for the object of your affection. No matter how good it feels, a lie is a lie and it only serves to weaken our other truths and to delay our healing.

In the final chapter of my affair I penned a poem.

The Meanest Poem I Ever Wrote.

It’s funny how someone who once loved you can so easily forget the good while at the same vividly remembering the bad times.
Because those bad instances somehow negate the good shit?
No, it’s because those bad times are what ultimately lead to the end of an error.
I mean the end of a long over-through relationship.
If the new girlfriend so easily had you from the start, then be honest, she really didn’t have to try all that hard.
You were left wide open and ripe for the picking.
You wanted someone to move in with and to keep your pussy dripping.
To restore your peace of mind and relinquish loves fate.
And there’s nothing wrong with that, just be real is what I’m saying.
It’s even worse that you were trying to restore your relationship with me.
At the same time forming a new one with your new shining King.
Again, be real with yourself, if you know how to that is.
So used to being fake with your family and friends.
If you must know, I always found that social awkwardness repulsive.
I noticed how it took no time for you to find your new shining knight, while at the same time you couldn’t even keep on your lights.
Asking me to continue assisting you financially, because you couldn’t pay your bills, but didn’t want your new girl to see.
I should have known you were phony, your contrast was stark.
Shouldn’t have paid a damn thing, let you both sit there in the dark.
Your credit was bad and I’m glad I didn’t let you destroy that too.
You’ve got some nerve writing about needing to be rescued.
I did plenty of that while you fucked your new piece in the bedroom.
You found someone who was interested in the outward exchanges while you still expressed your love and want for me daily.
Again, you disgust me and in the end I realized you were mostly out for my money.
Your new love was curious about why you needed to console yourself all the while telling her one thing while telling me something else.
You were whoring your debt out to the highest bidder, Me, while lying to her about your availability.
And I use the word love very lightly in your case since you have no idea what it actually consists of, you fucking fake.
You were telling your new love all the sweet nothings you’d told me.
Regurgitated bullshit expecting her to write to you like me, recite you poetry and give you nice pretty things like me?
She couldn’t get on my level if I gave her my vocabulary.
Calling her my old familiar names, yet all the while my dumb ass still paid your bills because….
- those mother fuckers were not getting paid.
How about that knight of yours be my banker for a day and make good on the debt that you left me unpaid.
Your soul belongs to no one and you are without shame… although you should own up to your share for shit you did back in the day, mate.
You are too damn old to be playing these games.
I guess it would be too much to say “act your age,” since you act like you never grew out of your “daddy’s girl” phase.
It is my hope that you never find another like any others you’ve ever been with before me; remember Melanie?
Poor thing.
Hopefully, this new one teaches you the value of being a real woman who can be true to herself and stop being fake ’cause for real though.
All I saw was fake, from your hair weave to the cheap glue you’d use to the eyelashes you’d apply using that same tacky ass glue.
I never got to tell you I loved you dancing or standing still,
I never got to tell you that sometimes your underarms smelled.
-
I LOVED YOU THAT MUCH even though I chuckle at the smell, I mean the thought of it now.
I used to wonder how you didn’t gag at yourself at times, but when you smell funk long enough you get used to it right?
All these things I kept inside because… well, at the time I truly loved you and I thought I was your shining knight.
Time’s allowed me to clear my heart and now it’s time to clear my mind.
You had every right to write that blog but even more telling was the glaring lack of response.
How your sentiments seemed corny and your testimonials a big front.
Do me a favor and put your page back on private from now on.
And please watch what you write because I’ll come out on top.
Funny how karma works and how I don’t wish the bad kind on anyone.
But if clearing my mind makes you wish that bad bitch on me, it’s only fair since I’m putting it out there for all to see.
Let’s just hope there’s no backlash ’cause you ain’t all roses, Missy.
I know damn well my shit stinks, but I bite back when I hear a motherfucker talkin’ shit about me.
Peace.

360 Degrees of Us

Knowledge — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 03:04:32 +0000

Countless times she told me she loved me
I told her in due time she’d show me she loved me
And then there was this, our souls mating in destiny
For she insisted our past lives were destined to be
She claimed we had been together all throughout history
In one life I broke her heart and in another I saved her
I dug us
I was our savior
“Besos Papi” she’d whisper in my ear
She practiced the art of love
And had me forgetting my fears
Always happy to release
And had dance flowing in her bloodstream
From practice routines to step stoned memories
And damn I never got the chance to hear her sing
Though set in my ways she had thoughts of protesting
My previous broken hearts and a silliness that thrilled me
Love the way she’d beckon me with cooking and laundry
We just fit
There were times when I’d start to message her
And instead receive her text message to me
I didn’t need weed
She kept me buzzed for weeks
While I listened to Nas
She played her favorite Donnie
I was a academic hustler
And she, a dancing beauty
It moved me
We’d sit in her crib and chill
Her essence just blew me
She claimed that she
Would
Love
Me
Unconditionally
But I was too busy kissing another with my addictive tongue
I was her karma from former past deeds she’d done
But my kisses would always end
On her lips where she’d whisper
“I love you” she’d say
And I thought she’d always remember
Once a great sparkling collaboration
I was her rough diamond
And she
My constant fixation
I was her earthly comfort
And she my angel in heaven
Next lifetime I’ll make amends
A full circle in seven

Myspace Rap

Knowledge — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 14:46:43 +0000

Is karma still kicking this ass of mine?
I figured, slates clean it’s 2009.
I’m checking my myspace page today like usual.
Low and behold, I have a couple messages from you.
But that’s not what drew my attention first y’all.
I looked about mid-page and was surprised by what I saw.
There’s a section on the page called “people you may know”.
Never paid it much attention, ’cause my page is thorough.
But it captured my prying eyes like a deer in headlights.
I had to focus really hard on the picture in my sights.
It was my ex-girlfriend, can’t even say my mistress.
It sort of never got that far, but still 2 years invested.
In a relationship that never made it off the shelf and.
No regrets about its end, I’m just burnt up and meltin’.
Never thought I’d have to see her like that, it was hell man.
But karma is a bitch when she goes helta skelta.
In the end I can’t complain ’cause the situation’s – been – dealt – with.

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