I am worth more than these 6 colors, 4 initials, gay flags, and pride parades
I am defined by more than my baggy pants, wife beater shirts and low cut fades
But, lately, I find myself slipping into melancholy hissy fits, debating Religion and Sexuality with bible-thumping nit-wits
They refer to the creator, who painted oceans red with blood and molded earth before giving us breath through love
Him, who fought battles with darkness and light, only to lose the fight, win, and lose again
Ultimately flooding the earth over because he might have messed up… in the beginning
All the while my spirituality attempts to veer within reason, make understanding of me succumbing to my lesbian feelings
Instead, I choose to further explore, no more fighting off those fears, I wanted a bite of that Apple, for it is that which I held dear
They say it’s the Devil trying to entice me to him, I say where in the bible it says the Devil preferred men
I remember way back when, asking my pastor some questions, but I told him, take your blinders off first, before answerin’ em
 Then I asked how come religion is separated into Churches, Mosque’s, and Synagogues And people are taught differently using the Bible, the Koran and the Torah
Why do different denominations nit pick at tid bits as if that 1 verse found in Leviticus makes all of the fuckin’ difference
All the while every Sunday they’re asking for forgiveness, must be nice to fill them pews every weekend with repentive sinners and hung-over hypocrites
And now everything is commercialized, pastors making millions as televangelists
This ain’t what Jesus had in mind — further justifying my lack of respect of it
Because inside all those religious walls you’ll find a similar mindset
You can change the atmosphere, but it’s the same damn environment
In God’s will I trusted and served and throughout my teenage years I never sexually interacted
I too learned the best knowledge one can discover can’t be learned in Church or map-quested
Yet I never choose ungodly fashions, instead standing at His attention because in His name I manifested
When it came to sexuality and women, every where I turned It seemed like I was tempted
I chalked it up to my inner demons and lack of Christian-like intentions for wanting to fulfill carnal desires, masked as Jezebel like wickedness
On Sunday’s proverbs and psalms were recited, inciting many epiphanies
foretelling the separation of me from my church and various states of mental tease
In one ear she’s whispering .. sweet nothings to me, “don’t worry about religion, just give me what my body needs”
And damn those times when my flesh caught urges and my blood was hot inside of me
And when release wasn’t found in another, I sought her, and she was far more womanly
You see I watched her and it felt good watchin’, like that time I left my web cam on when we…. Oh shit…. wrong memory
Now I’m not discounting the fact that I was baptized at 9, I’m a born again lesbian in that respect
Nails against backs, nostrils flared, like heathens we’d pant as she baptized me in her sweat
And in my thoughts, as I reflect, I secretly chanted and did a church dance
I idolized the silhouette of her lying across my chest, unrushed, though from that point on they said the devil was inside of us
I stood my ground despite my family’s fuss, exposed my soul and prepared for when tears and blood became synonymous
I remember growing up, feeling the confusion of living under such stringent principles
rgid concepts creating fear in the minds of those who neither protest nor question Religion in general
Many a time I stumbled yet my pride refused to fall, so while I was suspended in midair I used that second to grasp my thoughts
Finally realizing that the religion God speaks of is unconditional love

©2010 Stud with Swag. All Rights Reserved.

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