I remember the first time I started a blog with the intention of writing down the thoughts that haunted me for some time after my affair had ended. My thought process was complicated, mixed up with emotions, and all over the place. I figured it would help to write about what I couldn’t yet talk about. I remember writing in that blog for 3 months before deleting it, and before that I made sure to copy and paste every single entry I’d made up to that point and e-mailing it to myself. I remember worrying about how people, especially those who knew me, would react to my admittance to infidelity.  I didn’t keep the blog long enough to find out, but what I have learned is that I’ve made a lot of progress in the last year. My girlfriend and I are able to communicate openly about what happened, and what caused me to stray. Little by little we put the pieces of the puzzle back together and heal. The initial damage was deep and the pains I inflicted seemingly took with it a part of our heart and soul that will forever remain changed. I no longer struggle with the what ifs or wonder if I made the right decision when the shit hit the fan, so to speak. I fully realize the reason I had an affair and have had affairs in the past has always been because of my own shortcomings.

 ·  In my very first relationship with a woman, I was the other woman. I was 17 and she was 34 and married with a child. I am not proud of it and I do not condone what happened to me or what I’ve done to others.

·     There is no glory in such an act and this blog’s primary purpose is for me to write down and share my thoughts, and I will be brutally honesty throughout it all.

·     I will spend more time talking about my ex-other woman than my girlfriend and that’s simply a vital part of my own healing.

·     My relationship with my girlfriend and our healing process to this point has been a very private affair, and I will attempt to keep it that way as much as possible, but there will be times when the focus will shift to us, but not very often.

·     I take the blame for the entire affair and I have allowed my ex-other woman to lay blame solely at my feet from the beginning to the end of our relationship.  

·     That means, I don’t need to be told by anyone else that what I did was wrong. I patently know and accept this.

·     I am extremely sympathetic to people who have been cheated on and I understand my blog may evoke feelings within those who’ve had this happen. You’re entitled to those feelings and the opinion that might accompany them.

·     I’d probably judge me too if I were in your place, but then again, I’m not really so sure about that.

·     I will not publish nor do I welcome any insensitive comments.

·     Profanity will be used and often. I apologize in advance.  

It’s that time of the week. Check out the latest 1 x 6 roundtable discussion at SteadyCat’s blog for answers to this question and more. Your comments and input are welcome and appreciated.

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I was reading a post over at The Rainbow Room today and came across a subject I’ve been meaning to write about, but have been putting off for some time. The post gave me just the boost I needed. I’m only disappointed that I’m not able to add more to it, but for now, a “short” yet long-overdue tribute is in play.

People often draw parallels between the civil rights movement and the gay rights movement and I’m no exception. Such a declaration is usually followed by rejection or outright indignation over making such a comparison by those in heartfelt disagreement. Yet, most people have no idea that one of most important men in the history of the fight for black civil rights in America was an openly gay man, and one of Martin Luther King Jr’s top advisors.

His name is Bayard Rustin. He was admired and respected for his passion and non-violent spirit, which was key in revamping the way Dr. King would go on to fight against racism, discrimination, and prejudice in America. Rustin’s homosexuality was accepted among his colleagues and those close to the movement as long as it remained invisible. His most difficult times during the struggle would come on the heels of blackmail and threats used against him as a result of his sexuality.  There are instances where his colleagues were forced to choose between defending him or tossing him aside at the risk of being connected in any way to homosexuality.

This did not deter his efforts, instead it emboldened him to keep up the fight for black civil rights until they were fully granted. He refused to allow his sexuality to be used as a catalyst against himself, although he did understand why others were not willing to openly defend him because of it. For Rustin, that was a fight for another decade..

His magnetic personality and tireless work as an openly gay civil rights activist came as a blessing and a curse due to the times. Although Rustin didn’t shift his focus onto the gay rights movement until 1983, he will forever be remembered in history as a proponent of non-violence, tireless advocacy, and for having a fighting spirit that continues to live on through his surviving partner and the numerous advocacy organizations fostered in his name.

Indeed, if you want to know whether today people believe in democracy if you want to know whether they are true democrats, if you want to know whether they are human rights activists, the question to ask is, ‘What about gay people’? Because that is now the litmus paper by which this democracy is to be judged. The barometer for social change is measured by selecting the group that is most mistreated. To determine where society is with respect to change, one does not ask, ‘What do you think about the education of children’? Nor does one ask, ‘Do you believe the aged should have Social Security’. The question of social change should be framed with the most vulnerable group in mind: gay people. – Bayard Rustin

I was reading Alix’s latest blog and I started to reflect on past breakups I’ve had  and as I reflected on the worst of the worst I remember how…

A dark cloud looms above as toxic rain falls reminiscent of lost love
My heart so full it could burst straining against my chest in remembrance of her
Wanting to erupt with intensity as my eyes water at the thought of my lost heart to be
Yet all I’m left with is words and poems and a hurt that crumbles my broken heart’s bones
Am I the only one paralyzed by your lack of concern and distant uncaring eyes
I am choked up at my thoughts and at the same time sick at the prospect of losing us
I am a poet because of you we used to click like a pair of magic ruby shoes
We lived and breathed and communicated our needs and wants and desires and passions were freed
But now darkness looms and there is nothing left but rage and anger and a lasting emptiness
I want to wound you now with words and poems while wielding pencil sharpened sticks and stones
I want to extract lusts revenge and crush you like an infidel would to an enemy combatant
Yet I’m at the mercy of my own composition the responsible orator of loves emotional end

There is life after love. There is love after love. Breakups can easily make us think we will never love again. The power of emotion can sometimes be overwhelming, but our capacity to love is endless. It invents itself,  and you know something…

I figure I’m not the first to deal with your broken heart
To fix back together all the fragments torn apart
To remind you of true love no matter how it feels tastes and sounds
Convincing you I’m worth the effort and with full circle I come around
But it is I who wants to take it upon myself to break down your walls
Relieve your anger and sorrow mixed up emotions and mistrust
That makes it hard for you to love again
Allow me to be the last to appreciate you as more than just a pleasure for my senses
Someone who allows the mistakes to interface with the good takes
And direct our hearts ’till they are once again content
Allow me to show you how truly troubling this predicament has left not only you
But also the author of your former love spoof
I digress
For who do I think I am
Feeling the need to behoove upon you my sensibleness
It says so much about the person that defines me
Still I define us as something akin to
Her and I
Together again
Yet for the very first time
So why had I never known such a presence as yours before mine
You cause my mind to palpitate vigorously at the directions of anger and mistrust
And Dire Knowledge
That love might have ceased to exist within us
Conversation digressed with expressions of loneliness and peace
Memories of our brief but opalescent eternity
I don’t think either of us can simply let the other be
Not now at least

In 1951 the US military declared homosexuality an unacceptable risk and dishonorably discharged about 2,000 men and women. With that said, gay and lesbian soldiers have come a long way in gaining some acceptance and openness in the military. But is it enough?

The gay marriage debate has caused me to reflect on so many other issues currently affecting the community. Although President Obama has not followed in Clinton’s footsteps by showing any interest in reevaluating “don’t ask, don’t tell” it wasn’t any less of a hot topic for social conservatives during the 2008 presidential primary.  The focus on the economy has been a driving force and primary topic of  focus as of late, but with the gay marriage debate heating up daily and changing public opinion, this particular debate looms in the distance. As the fight for gay marriage picks up steam, gays and lesbians are constantly on alert about their sexuality and behavior while serving domestically and overseas. I consider Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell  a legislative band aid to a problem that must be addressed in the near future due to pressure from the political right-wing, and some supposed liberals as well. For now, it’s taken a backseat to gay marriage.

I suspect that with changing attitudes about gays and lesbians being allowed to serve starting back in the early 2000s, the biggest deterrent to openly serving is the fact that it opens the doors for other civil rights and liberties to be requested and granted, and quite possibly all of them. It’s also a point of contention that the government is allowed to openly discriminate, while also affording certain protections to those facing that discrimination. And as much as some staunch civil rights proponents wish to contend that the fight for gay rights is nothing like the black plight, these battles share similar arguments for and against. When the military began integrating blacks into the core, some of the same arguments were voiced and subsequently put to rest or shown as being based on nothing factual and mostly out of fear of inclusion.

Opponents of openly serving: Straight men who do not like to be objectified and more importantly objectified sexually.

Well, who does? And what makes them think that every gay male would want them sexually anyway.

Opponents: Sexual harassment complaints would rise.

There are already many rules and regulations in place to govern how soldiers must behave and the code of professionalism is non-discriminatory. Does it mean that all the sexual harassment complains currently lodged against mostly heterosexual men are only happening because they are allowed to be openly straight? Improper sexual advances are not acceptable in any setting as the rules apply to everyone.

Opponents: Allowing gays and lesbians to serve openly will ruin the good order of the military.

 It was one of the same arguments used  against Blacks integrating, along with the criticisms that they couldn’t see at night or swim.  And it’s the same argument against women being deployed to forward operations units overseas. In each of those occurrences the military did not collapse, fall apart or descend into utter chaos once these discriminatory practices were overturned. When a soldier pays with his life in his duty of serving his country and protecting our freedom, his sexual orientation doesn’t and shouldn’t matter to any extent. His body of work is based on how he lived life above all else, not his sexual preference. I believe that fighting for ones country against many odds is an act of courage. I have respect for what you’ve done regardless of your reasons. I firmly believe that gays and lesbians should be able to openly serve in the US military. What are your thoughts?

My imagination ran wild and while thinking freely
A fantasy of sorts rather overtook me
I wanted to pull no push you up against the wall
Unclasp no rip off your satin bra
And take pride in removing your sexy black thong
As I nibbled my way down to your polished toes
My teeth unzipped your jeans and into a corner they’re thrown
I gripped no wrapped my palms around your waist
Showed you whose boss while in your pre-erotic state
It made me wet to engulf your Mmm
Your pulse
While licking soft against your pink pearl tongue
I got lost in your sex just long enough
To let you think I wasn’t giving it to you rough
Bent you over the sofa chair and kitchen table 
Made love to you ‘till your g-spot was disabled
Made you squirm tremble and scream
It was I who took you took that place that evening
Where pleasure was more than a constant dream
And you covered no drenched me in your cream
My face and my fingers were inside you all three
Penetrated you in ways that only ignite my aggressive side
I gave it to you like this loving was made was out of spite
By the time it was over – our bodies spent
Woman I wanted to give you another orgasm
I wanted your nails to rewire the nerve system in my back
I wanted to play tonsil hockey with all of your sex
Call me the energizer bunny’s cousin
Cause I wanted to keep going and going
But never cross the finish line
Because baby you are my tortoise
Forgive my no holds barred imagination
Or my gruff descriptions of the love we were making
For in a verse of poetry you are more than just a few lines
What I do know is that making love to you was my pride
You are far more than just a bedridden fantasy
You’re my favorite sexual appetite and I’m feeling hungry

 Alfre Woodard, Xzibit, Will Patton, Charles Dutton and Michael O’Keefe. Do any of those names sound familiar? They all make up the cast of “American Violet”. Nicole Beharie plays Dee Roberts, a single mother with four children living in a housing project in small town Texas. Dee gets picked up at the local diner where she works just as a major drub bust goes down at the housing project where she lives with her daughters. She is handcuffed and taken to jail. She has no previous drug record, nor are any drugs found on her, so she is faced with very difficult decisions.

Alfre Woodard, Xzibit, Will Patton, Charles Dutton and Michael O’Keefe. Do any of those names sound familiar? They all make up the cast of “American Violet”. Nicole Beharie plays Dee Roberts, a single mother with four children living in a housing project in small town Texas. Dee gets picked up at the local diner where she works just as a major drub bust goes down at the housing project where she lives with her daughters. She is handcuffed and taken to jail. She has no previous drug record, nor are any drugs found on her, so she is faced with very difficult decisions.

Dee isn’t a saint, but she’s been falsely accused and refuses to accept a plea agreement for something she didn’t do. If she caves, she is free to go, but if she stays she has a full-fledged fight ahead of her. Not only is she battling a shady felony drug charge, she’s up against the father of her two daughters who uses her predicament to try to win custody of their children in court. The movie calls out a flawed justice system. I also like to think of it as an ordinary story about an extraordinary woman who is a product of her environment.

What’s really cool is that for all that she’s gone through and sustained, Dee Roberts’ court case did help bring about a change in the laws governing Melroy, Texas. The trial made national headlines, highlighting the illegality of forced plea-bargaining and the illegal arrests of minorities with no search warrants and without being read their Miranda Rights. The epilogue is a sobering reminder that as far as we have come in this country, we have much farther to go.

Since this is all based on an actual case (names were changed to protect those affected), we are shown just enough of the complacency that has affected the community in a way that it’s seemingly normal to accept a plea for a felony drug charge and be released from jail the very next day. Little do they know that with the acceptance of guilt they have cut themselves off from any future government assistance as well as the right to vote. It’s no wonder the DA was re-elected multiple times since the series of events set off.

This is one of those rare but potent movies I’ll recommend everyone see. Even if you’re one of those, “I’ll just wait until it’s available at Blockbuster or Netflix” kind of people then I have great news for you. It’s worth even that wait.

Countless times she told me she loved me
I told her in due time she’d show me she loved me
And then there was this, our souls mating in destiny
For she insisted our past lives were destined to be
She claimed we had been together all throughout history
In one life I broke her heart and in another I saved her
I dug us
I was our savior
“Besos Papi” she’d whisper in my ear
She practiced the art of love
And had me forgetting my fears
Always happy to release
And had dance flowing in her bloodstream
From practice routines to step stoned memories
And damn I never got the chance to hear her sing
Though set in my ways she had thoughts of protesting
My previous broken hearts and a silliness that thrilled me
Love the way she’d beckon me with cooking and laundry
We just fit
There were times when I’d start to message her
And instead receive her text message to me
I didn’t need weed
She kept me buzzed for weeks
While I listened to Nas
She played her favorite Donnie
I was a academic hustler
And she, a dancing beauty
It moved me
We’d sit in her crib and chill
Her essence just blew me
She claimed that she
Would
Love
Me
Unconditionally
But I was too busy kissing another with my addictive tongue
I was her karma from former past deeds she’d done
But my kisses would always end
On her lips where she’d whisper
“I love you” she’d say
And I thought she’d always remember
Once a great sparkling collaboration
I was her rough diamond
And she
My constant fixation
I was her earthly comfort
And she my angel in heaven
Next lifetime I’ll make amends
A full circle in seven  

Hip-Hop artist K’NAAN explains why Somali pirates operating off the Gulf of Aden are hijacking international ships traveling through on business and pleasure.

“Most Somalis will tell you they cannot readily condemn pirates. Private companies are hired by governments to dispose of nuclear toxic waste. Since the early ’90’s, when the government of my country collapsed, these companies have illegally been dumping nuclear toxic waste containers on the shores of Somalia. It got to the United Nations Security Council, and it was ignored. These fisherman mobilized themselves, got street militiamen and brought them on board.”

Najad Abdullahi gives an in depth analysis of the current situation and especially its roots. Piracy off the Gulf of Aden has been a matter of international security for years, but the limelight has shined even brighter since the hijacking of an American aid ship and subsequent rescue of the ships Captain by the US Navy.  What began as an arguably noble cause has turned into a lucrative business and a looming problem for foreign governments worldwide. Warlords began to want in on the action after realizing that ransoms were readily paid by corporations and governments for hijacked ships. The Warlords role is multi-faceted in that they have entered into agreements with large corporations, allowing them to dump toxic waste into Somali waters. In return they are paid millions of dollars. Ironically, pirates have consistently blamed the dumping of toxic waste into their waters as one of the initial and primary reasons they turned to piracy.

According to Wikipedia, the average age of the pirates is between 20-35. There are an estimated 5 pirate clans totaling 1,000 armed men who are made up of ex-militia, fishermen and technology experts.

Despite the lucrative business of piracy, Somalia remains one of the poorest countries in Africa. Many of the country’s inhabitants rely on humanitarian food aid for their everyday survival. The dumping of toxic waste into Somali waters has been confirmed and has been initiated most notably by Swiss and Italian companies for years. This realization is at the heart of the controversy. Then again, so has the confirmation of Warlords accepting payment and allowing the dumping of the waste into their country’s waters. The CIA asserts that while few battles can be won at sea, the war will ultimately be won on the beach front, the pirates base of operations. International efforts are severely limited as there is no embassy in Somalia and intelligence is non-existent.

It will be interesting to see how this plays out, but for the time being it’s business as usual for the pirates. The only real long-term solution I see to suppressing this problem should be centered around rooting out corruption and strengthening the government. As long as the country remains largely lawless and unstable piracy will continue as it’s been seen as opportunistic with big pay offs accompanying little risks. Somalia has no coast guard due to the failure of its government infrastructure years ago. The initial reactions from fishermen in the area are completely understandable, yet current targets of piracy have not been engaged in the maritime theft of the country’s seafood. In conclusion, understanding the roots of piracy will go a long way toward determining and coming to a logical solution to combat this complicated issue head on.

Saturday night rolled around and I was getting fresh and clean for the night out. L invited me to to a going away party for a friend and I said yes, of course. I drove to L’s house and waited for her and her roommate to finish getting ready. Finally, we headed to her friend’s place, but not before stopping to pick up a case of Miller Lite from a nearby grocery store. We finally get to the party and the drinking, talking and good times commence. By evening’s end one of her friends and her roommate and I headed to a place called Tara Rising in Chicago. We played pool, listened to a live rock band and then the juke box for the rest of the night. I discovered that L was seriously into dance music so we did a little of that. I failed to mention that she looked smokin’, so much so that one of the guys came up to me when I was at the Jukebox and gave me some dap while at the same time telling me my lady looked fine. He incorrectly assumed that L was my girl, but I was cool. When I got back to L and company we laughed at the drunk guys hitting on the desperate women. One of the women had a full cast on her leg and we watched in amazement as one of the guys started massaging the grubby toes poking out of the dirtied end of the cast. It was gross and hilarious at the same time and so we laughed and drank some more. By night’s end it was early morning and we headed back to L’s place. I slept the entire ride.

When we got back to her place she invited me to stay the night. Since I had started my monthly, I knew not much would be happening in the way of intimacy so it was somewhat of a bitter sweet invitation. In fact, I was dead set on getting some sleep since I knew we both had a long day ahead. Well, she had to work and I had to relax and enjoy my Sunday before the new week began. We ended up laying in bed talking about family, relationships, love and how her parents met. It was sweet. I also learned that her mom was the romantic and her dad wasn’t. Oddly enough, I met her mom that night, indirectly. She had to stop by her parents place before heading to the party. So, we lay there discussing the fact that she herself isn’t very romantic, but I told her I had more than enough romantic bones in my body for the both of us. We laid there and after a while the temperature started to rise. No really, it was getting warm because we were fully clothed, so I removed my shirt, but I left on my beater.

I laid back down, but on my stomach this time. I felt her put her arm on my back and she started rubbing it a little. It felt good, but I wasn’t sure where to begin since it was a long time since I was intimate with a woman. I lamely asked for a kiss, a peck to be exact and she was all too willing. I couldn’t just stop with one so I proceeded to give her 3 or 4 small kisses. I laid back and then reached over and placed my fingers on the small of her back, where skin against skin made erotic contact. I rubbed her back, felt her warm flesh against my fingertips flare. I couldn’t tell if that was because of the heat we generated or the electricity her body created within me. She leaned forward a little and I knew she wanted another kiss, so I gave her one. I felt her tongue find mine and I responded in kind, for I wanted it too. I pulled her closer as we kissed and she worked her way on top of me. But only after I unsnapped her bra in about 1.5 seconds flat. She was slightly impressed. I still had that, at least. Now I wanted to taste her breasts, I wanted them in between my lips and so I took them and began to lick and suck both very gently. That’s what I did. And I alternated between kissing her lips and sucking her tongue as if they were my life’s sustenance. She felt as good as she tasted, but little did I know that I was in for another treat. I traced my mouth up and down her chest to her neck and I found her lips again and again. At some point my instinct kicked in and I held her. The embrace was intense, at least it was for me.

We were silent and I loved that the most. All action — and the sound of our lips meeting as if they were reacquainting lovers. I held her close and then guided her onto her back where I ended up on top and could feel her sex thrusting upward, into me, needing me. I responded, grinding my lower body into hers, slowly at first but passionately thereafter. She felt damn good. We were both topless by then and she began to play with me. No insecurity there for her mouth felt heavenly and she was gentle. That threw me off a bit, but I loved it. I wanted to taste her and taste her I did. She smelled sweet and good and I went slow because I wanted to indulge all night long. I thought I couldn’t be any more turned on until I felt her hand on mine and she guided it down to that secret, inviting place, which was wet like the rain and she wanted more of me to be inside of her. And so I did. While inside I continued having my treat and she tasted, mmm, like a feast. I stuffed myself and she came. I returned to my feast, much less vigorously and again, she came. By then, I was a beast and wanted more, but she couldn’t take any more of my loving. So when I came back up, leaving a trail of kisses along the way, she kissed me while kissing herself.

Later on she laid there in my arms and I dreamed of being inside of her again. She wanted to please me too, but I reminded her and the look of disappointment made me secretly smile. Later that morning, around 9, I left. It was early, but I didn’t want to get kicked out later on, you know how it is. You have to know when to leave. Plus, I didn’t want her thinking me clingy, which I am not, so I kissed the back of her neck and made sure to turn the lock before I left. I had a good time and I was sure to let her know. She said she felt the same, and that we’d see where all this goes.