Mom thinks I’m gay
As if
my rainbow
reflects
backwards
only
In the middle of day
Hello…
I hold hands
with women
while hiding
my feminine
in back pockets
And what is this gay recruitment
Bullshit
she’s been speaking so much of
Do my actions deceive them
turn their heads sideways
pump lesbian
into their bodies
But only on odd days
Must I lurk
in their mental
when she
thinks
their
minds
are closed-
to the idea
of another woman
discovering places
no man has gone
Go on
sniff some more
my bottle of
empty men’s cologne
rip open
my dresser drawers
my closet treasures
and unlocked doors
where hiding forgotten
my thoughts sit
festering
far too long
No more!
Tears
well
surely
in her
 dark brown pupils-
the light bulb
mothers turn on and off so often
no longer futile-
moms voice is foolish
each time she’s met with resistance
takes a toll
to see my picture
drawn on her face
yet remain distant
Here we go again…
“Did the sun shine too brightly that day”
she asks
or
“was I born of an altered reality”
perhaps;
a man and woman
moms body unmoving
would she mind not retracing
for our footsteps are interwoven
searching for the time
she dropped me on my head
Doesn’t exist
Thinking
maybe
it was
the result of
a gene abnormality
yes
that’s it
why you were blessed
my dearest mom
with a daughter
whose identity was set
from day one
besides
In all that time
~I’ve never questioned it once~

An addict in lust
Is awakened from
An emerging slumber

“My love, you beckoned?” 
Want me to come on strong
Take you over and under
All day and night long
Fingering my way inside
Your wet sloppy cunt
fulfilling far greater than
merely an addiction
Pussy was made for me
And if I smoked the sticky
It’d be my green
and I’d huff and puff and…
Sss.. sss.. suck
No cough
I hold it down 
cause I’m greedy as fuck 
while spreading your seed 
all over me
Any second now
You’ll be trembling
As legs quickly follow suit
Trepidations escaping
A clenching of muscles
Rough sex in the making
From underneath and between folds
Of irises and clitorises
Hard grinding the result of
Soft moans and uncontrollable fits
Where tips of nips touch
Before breasts intertwine
Firm and delicious
Like a record in rewind
I define our contact
Never once throwing off
My desire from its track
Your melody; deep within
pussy juices untapped
kissing along your edges  
perfect aligning of your lips
I am at one with you
buried between contoured hips
Sucking entirely
Engorged in a sea of your mist 
with each lick and suck
and kiss you feel different
Working under your hood
Tonguing fiercely at best
Then again gentle
less fury in my licks
Two fingers
Deep Inside 
You could burst any minute
Going in the for kill
But I resist
sweat dripping
I feel  
need
and want
To sink further into your lid
dive deeper into it
Third finger wet against
moisture sought from puffy lips
wearing sexy lust filled grins 
performing masterful tongue flips 
where bed and bodies do extend
Don’t stop!
you cry out
while wrought in multiple orgasms
A gripping tight of dripping cum
as pussies throb in unison.

I’m sharing a few pictures of my sort of limited view of the parade this year. This is my second year in a row volunteering to walk the route instead of watch the parade. Either way, I had an absolute fucking blast and can’t wait to do it again next year. Pictures and video will be aplenty in 2010, that’s a promise. For now, I hope you enjoy.

The following video is a well done compilation courtesy of Washington Blade. It showcases Chicago’s gay pride in mostly all of  its glory, plus you get to see all the cool floats and pride participants that I wasn’t able to see. Oh and if you watch closely you can spot me helping to hold up the Lambda Legal banner at or around the 1:56 minute mark. Good times.

Be back next year!

Most women know the exact moment in life when they began to question their attraction to another woman. I recall talking to my mom some years back after being outed, and reflecting on the questions and comments she was asking me. She desperately wanted someone to blame for my sexuality, a reason why I was attracted to other women, and she wanted to know how this could have happened to her daughter. Well, after years of playing the blame game I finally sat my mom down and had a serious talk where I explained that although I may not have had any outward sexual attractions to either sex while growing up, I always had fond and strong attractions and feelings for women. I’d always admired strong women and I could never quite understand why. I suppressed the sexual nature of my admiration as best I could, until I became of age and my curiosity finally got the better of me. Due to ideas and values instilled within my mom as a child and young adult, she considered my sexuality a colossal parenting failure on her part. Thankfully, with time and lots of long talks she no longer feels this way.

In some ways I feel fortunate to have been able to discover my sexuality while on the cusp of young adulthood. Still, there are times when I feign envy of gays and lesbians who have been aware of their sexuality since grade school. Typically, you don’t hear many stories from women who began to question and subsequently discover their sexual orientation as an adult, and one well past their 20s. Often this is a confusing and frightening time for especially for married women, mothers with children, pets, cars and an entire household to manage. These women are called “late bloomers” or women who may or may never have considered the possibility of being with another women, let alone the knowledge that they could be a lesbian. That is, until something or more specifically someone enters their world and turns it upside down.

As feelings grow and expand she must eventually come to terms with her sexual attraction and deeper realizations centering on whether or not she will explore further or continue to suppress. Family plays a particularly important role because they can either make or break a late bloomers courage to face their sexual curiosity. There is so much at stake, so any woman, straight or bisexual, who finds herself in such a predicament should allow herself time. She could take that time to fall in love or simply to reflect on wants, desires, needs and most importantly eventual happiness and total peace of mind so that she can discover all of the possibilities. She should read others experiences so she is able to familiarize herself with the journey ahead. One that she may decide she can no longer resist embarking upon. It’s an exploration of souls that beings in the heart, mind and body as no one can make her realize what she may already know deep down.

The truth of the matter is that it could just be a one-time attraction or it could be the one attraction to rule them all, and a life-changing occurrence if feelings are pursued and reciprocated in turn. So, if you think you may be a lesbian, allow yourself plenty of time to make conscious decisions born of love, not lust not only because ones sexual orientation encompasses far more than a changing of the guard, so to speak, but because this adventure may just be the beginning of the rest of your life.

we play tug of love
with heart shaped – tightly knotted rope
pulled roughly between
double spaced
and double laced
scrivened slopes.
we compose in subconscious
back and forth
low and high notes.
and I confess
to fucking
and loving every word. 
everytime the light bulb
turned on your kinky nerd.
and all your secret doors
were unlocked, 
from the garden
to the shed 
consenting lovers set up shop.
Sailed fingertips across throbbing nips
touched and rubbed on erotic elements.
like a blind woman in heat,
i ached
for your Braille movements.
you wrote in tune,
with my hips,
gyrating  hard against papyrus
and I fell 
repeatedly 
transfixed by your comprises.
if it’s possible
to fall in love more than lust,
psycho babbling aside
i could live without lust.
without eating another piece of the pie,
if you are the chorus
then orchestra is the sky.
but 
i’m still falling 
and
you reach out to me
occasionally
and indulge me
in playfully
trivial conversations
without regard
forgetting even
playboys have hearts.
we bend,
and sway
like trees,
in recognition,
an epiphany,
another day
before discovering
i’m all you’ll  ever need.
even if you do believe,
you could never be
=enough for me= 

image by: Alice Aires