Being sexually assaulted doesn’t mean you are or will become, gay. Donnie McClurkin asserts that a sexual assault he experienced at the age of 8 has played a crucial role in shaping his past sexual attraction to men. What happened to him as a child was terrible, but I content that nothing that happens to you can make you gay or straight. It looks like McClurkin is still dealing with serious internal demons, yet he continues to preach from the pulpit. He goes on to blame his father’s absence and lack of affection on his prior inability to understand how to show meaningful love as a man. That, I agree with. The rest was religious fodder for a spiritually starved flock. What he delivered was a bigoted message. Being gay = being cursed? Ok. I don’t have any problem with McClurkin giving his personal testimony or preaching the way he desires to his congregation, but when he addresses gay youth and butch lesbians in an attempt to paint us as evil he takes hypocrisy and idiocy to varying levels each significantly higher than before.

In the first video he sets his sights on openly gay singer and preacher, Tonex. I smell a sin and it’s middle name is jealousy. He does however go on to express the “love the sinner, hate the sin” creed when it came to expressing his distaste with Tonex’s openness, but not before calling him a straight up ”perversion”. Interestingly he didn’t have anything to say about Tonex until he came out in September 2009. Something else I’ve noticed as of late is how the “ex-gay” label is becoming somewhat of a hot commodity. What’s with the notoriety that certain ex-gays attain? Homosexuality is already demonized in practically every facet of life, yet it’s detestability is enough to be overlooked as long as you come out of it. You’re almost guaranteed a certain “celebrity” status and you’re granted a “come out of the closet for free” card as long as you espouse and denounce homosexuality. It reminds me of theblack guy who was asked to sit in the front row of one of John McCain’s town hall meetings on the campaign trail. One black man in a room full of conservatives plus one Sarah Palin. He was the black guy who begged McCain to step up the negative attacks on Pres. Obama. Yes, he begged, but I digress because the analogyisn’t fair at all. To be an ex-gay in Church is like being an newly conservative ex-liberal in a room full of rabid conservatives. 

Oh, you were an alcoholic, crack-head, wife beating, drug dealer? Yeah, well, we’ve got an ex-gay in the house. Next.
 
The problem I have with this is if McClurkin is so content, why not live a humble life of obscurity out of the lime light. Or, stay in it and do what made you famous in the first place, but whatever you do, stop harming gay youth! Tell your story, but don’t tell others their story. He knows better than anyone that hiding in the black church is a full time job, but he doesn’t have to hide anymore so he’s removed from it. As long as he’s speaking out against homosexuality while struggling with attraction to men,  he’s okay within the black church because he’s telling them what they want to hear. He should know all too well that closeted Christian gays and lesbians who feel trapped need unconditional love so badly. How do you go from singing God’s praises to berating the vulnerable? McClurkinhas a large, black, Christian, socially conservative (when it suits their purposes) support system that is almost impenetrable. His fan following from his singing, his congregation, priests and pastor colleagues and a growing list of Christian and non-Christian proponents make up a variety of Christian denominations who lend their support to Donnie McClurkin. To most gays he has become the side show attraction of the black church, drawing the suspecting and unsuspecting masses deeper into a reality that is all his own, and stirring an already boiling over pot. How long will it last? His rants seem to come and go in yearly spurts and he hasn’t toned down the rhetoric one bit, instead it’s been amped up considerably. The emotional baggage his sermons project is daunting and when you consider the psychological dysfunction within the messages, and the fact that he has such a widely accepting following, it causes me to take pause. What I see is a man that may no longer act upon his sexual desire, but has he really changed his orientation? I’ll keep my gay-dar to myself.

He had this to say about lesbians, “These young girls are just as bad as the boys in homosexuality, you don’t see it. They can hide … but there are some evil young hard butch girls.”

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image by Jay

Lesbians in abusive relationships obviously feel affection for their partner or they wouldn’t be with them. I don’t know many women who would let someone they don’t love physically or emotionally assault them. I  know plenty however that do not know their own worth. I can count on both hands and half a foot the number of women I personally know that have been in abusive relationships at one time or another. When I stop to consider that half of them were in same-sex relationships it becomes even more apparent that domestic violence is indiscriminate and crosses all bounds. It begins the same way most relationships do. Two women share a mutual attraction and begin to fall for each other. That feeling manifests itself through intense like or love for one another.

You adore her charm and you consider her a sweet heart although you know she has character flaws, but who doesn’t.  You’ve seen her blow up and lose her cool on other people, but not you. Not yet. It scary when she does, but at the same time you never thought you’d be subjected to that side of her.

It starts verbally or emotionally but it doesn’t look the same in all relationships. Something happens that sets her off on a tirade of insults or worse that you may consider trivial in retrospect, but these episodes escalate over time into more serious and frequent verbal or physical attacks.

The matter may be so minuscule that by the time you start to feel the situation spiral out of control, things die down just as quickly as they began. For that reason you might have thought that it was no big deal, though in reality it is just the beginning. 

Eventually it becomes a tug of war for control of every aspect of your life. You’re made to feel inferior, small, and inconsequential so that you will comply to her wants, needs and demands. The refusal to comply initiates yelling verbal insults, hitting, pushing and shoving just to name a few. She may spend your combined money for bills and household expenses on expensive new items for herself. She has no regard for your needs when she’s in an abusive mindset.

But it’s her sweetness you remember the most. When she’s showering you with apologies and gifts for her behavior. Her charm is what you recall when you’re deciding whether or not to get out of the relationship or stay. You feel guilty because she cooks, cleans, irons your clothes, brings home the bacon and caters to your wants and needs. And you do the same for her. Until something sets her off. That abuse is not what lingers on your mind in the aftermath of a violent episode. Again, you’re met with her charm and faux sincerity because you believe she’s sorry and will never do it again. At least that’s what you’ve successfully convinced yourself of. You even feel guilty about thinking about asking for help or leaving and begin to justify her behavior by highlighting your own inadequacies. 

Some battered lesbians try to physically protect themselves from being abused. It could be that they fight back more often. Those who fight back to defend themselves often save their own lives, but still there are others who suffer from guilt because they too have acted violently. This feeds into the notion of mutual abuse, which is patently false. It can hide the fact that one woman is exerting power over the other. When a battered lesbian believes she is mutually abusing her lover, she tends to protect the abuser, which further preserves the relationship and prohibits the abuser from assuming responsibility for her actions.

Battered lesbians describe the pattern of abuse as bouts of terrorism and control. Their abusers have learned that violence works toward achieving control over their partner. While in the relationship it can be hard to decipher abuse, which is a contributing reason why it goes unreported so often. The victim is made to feel like a willing participant.

Law enforcement agencies and relationship counselors found themselves in the position of having to define domestic abuse within a same-sex framework. Since many lesbians have internalized misconceptions about same sex abuse,  it’s not surprising to learn that many professionals as well as law enforcement agencies once shared these views.

“She’s smaller than you, how could she have been violent?” “How could she have control over the situation when you’re so strong willed and assertive?” “You’re older than her so it’s hard for me to believe she gets violent with you.” 

If the punishment fit the crime, more victims would come forward. The belittlement and shame that accompanies making such a charge can be an excrutiating burden to bear alone. There is little to no advocacy for victims of same-sex abuse in particular and often the system will perpetuate the victimization of the victim by holding them accountable for some facet of the abuse, and by not providing beneficial services. 

Make up sex in these relationships is a dangerous oxymoron. What it borders is rape even if the abused partner can no longer find the strength or courage to say no. Her muscles are aching, she can barely breathe; she is exhausted and cannot find the energy to push her sometimes lover, sometimes attacker off. This is common in abusive relationships.

My advice forwomen in abusive relationships is to generate a safety plan if you don’t already have one. Confide in a friend or loved one. If possible, document the abuse in a journal that’s kept somewhere safe, preferably at a friend or family members house. This is risky, but it’s just another safety measure. When a woman fills out a order of protection there are a range of questions that must be answered concerning specific instances of abuse. Understand that you are not alone, but you have the strength to break free of the relationship even if you only have yourself to rely on. Breaking the cycle of abuse starts with accepting that abuse is occurring and talking about what’s happening.

If you have a friend or family member in an abusive relationship, please do not be afraid to speak up. Talk to them privately. Let them know you care, you’re there for them and you will be there whenever they are ready to leave.

National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1.800.799.SAFE (7233) 1.800.787.3224 (TTY)
Anonymous & Confidential Help 24/7

www.hacer.org

“If you don’t like your health coverage or don’t have any insurance, you will have a chance to take part in what we’re calling a Health Insurance Exchange. … You will have your choice of a number of plans that offer a few different packages, but every plan would offer an affordable, basic package. And one of these options needs to be a public option that will give people a broader range of choices and inject competition into the health care market so that force waste out of the system and keep the insurance companies honest. … What I am trying to do – and what a public option will help do – is put affordable health care within reach for millions of Americans. And to help ensure that everyone can afford the cost of a health care option in our Exchange, we need to provide assistance to families who need it. That way, there will be no reason at all for anyone to remain uninsured. … But what I refuse to do is simply create a system where insurance companies have more customers on Uncle Sam’s dime, but still fail to meet their responsibilities.” -Obama’s speech to the American Medical Association, 6/15/09

1) Not one person in the White House, Democratic Caucus or otherwise has given clear-cut examples of the numerous tragedies and personal loss that have resulted from our current health care system or the glaring lack of care for so many Americans. Florida congressman Alan Grayson is the exception.

2) Republicans present a doomsday scenario to the public that’s not only harmful, but also patently false. They have loudly proclaimed that Death Panels will send their aging grandmothers off to their graves. They also claim that faceless bureaucrats will deny them much needed medical care. They failed to mention to their fledgling audience that Medicare already provides pretty damn good universal health care to Americans aged 65 and older.

3) Democrats are being let off the hook. Allowed to remain anonymous if they join in filibustering the health care bill. Democratic leadership is not stepping the fuck up and shooting down Republican scare tactics that work.

4) Contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t take 60 votes to pass a bill. It takes 50 senators voting yes and the Vice President’s attendance in case of a tie to pass a bill. 60 senators voting yes are needed to cease the debate on the floor and bring the matter to a vote. The Democrats need 60 votes to prevent a filibuster. I say, if that means bending over backwards so the Republican (minority) can get rid of the public option, let them filibuster until the cows come home, then pass the bill anyway.

5) Republicans are presenting us with data sheets showing how detrimental it would be to our country and economy if the senate were to pass the health reform bill. Where are the Democrats with their fact sheets and data projections and plethora of real life examples to show how unfair the current health care system has become?

6) What frustrates most Independents in support of the measure is that the Democratic Caucus is handling this in the same manner they’ve handled other important matters that have come across the senate. Clearly, congress is dysfunctional. When the party with the least members can obstruct highly important measures and the strategy actually works, then there’s a major problem. When it comes to filibustering a bill of this magnitude, it should be done in the standard filibustering way. Legislatures have every right to endorse the plan they believe works in the best interest of their constituents. However, we already know the public option is supported by the majority of the house, narrowly, and the majority of the senate, narrowly, the President of the United States and a majority of his constituents. So what’s the problem?

7) A few rogue Democrat senators get to secretly express their dissatisfaction with the bill by privately threatening to join with Republicans in the filibuster, yet they do not have to go public so the voters may never know which of the Democrats are taking part. Meaning, not only do they get to not support the bill that the majority of their voters support, we don’t get the privilege of knowing who exactly they are because they can do this secretly. Again I say, what gives?

8 ) Most Americans are fucking fed up. They don’t trust the government yet Democrats are supporting secrecy within the ranks. The same kind of political hogwash that should have been kicked out of the White House along with the Bush administration. The Democrats seem to be more concerned with catering to a few centrist and Independent Democrats then to the people who got them elected; us.

9) Corporate extremism, and capitalistic excess is doing more damage to this country than anything else. There is no mandate to follow, no rule of thumb. The American people are competing with wealthy, corporate lobbyists so in turn our legislatures get to pick and choose who their “true” constituents they will represent that day/week/month/year depending on the issues and whatever bill is up for vote. We, the people, have to compete for coverage in Washington against none other than the major health insurance companies.

10) Democrats are going to have to start calling each other out on the bullshit. Insurance reform without a public option and insurance exchange will lead to increased costs in health insurance. Why wouldn’t it? With no real incentive to lower costs and no real competition to speak of, what motivating factors will cause private insurers to lower prices? Without competition the health insurers won’t do anything drastic, like reduce their rates so that people can actually afford insurance. Getting rid of pre-existing conditions without making health care affordable is not conducive to getting the job done. In fact, it does just the opposite.

11) Health insurers will be forced to accept people who have pre-existing conditions, yet their coverage will not be affordable and may negatively impact your costs. Why? Because they’re considered high risk and insurance companies would have to actually pay for their care instead of deny, deny, then you die. With a public option, the government can essentially create a continual flow of cash from taxpayers to the insurance companies regardless of conditions that previously made working and middle class Americans ineligible.

12) People are of the mindset that health insurance reform is only to the benefit of the low-income, non-working, and those with pre-existing conditions. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Those making up the middle-class with middle incomes who are unable to obtain insurance is not because of any pre-existing conditions, but because it’s not affordable.

13) We need a public option.

14) For those whose insurance companies enjoy high profit margins, where do you think your money is going? A percentage is going straight into the pockets of corporate shareholders and top executives. The more services that are denied, the higher the paycheck bonus for the denier. This is skewed as hell but it is also no secret.

15) Anyone who has worked for a small-medium size company can tell you one thing about the costs of insurance; the more the merrier, the more people in the group plan, the lower the premium. The same is true across all boards. Insurance costs are most cost effective when you have a large, diverse pool including those who fall within the risk category.

16) What has become clear to me while keeping up with the reform debate is that there is no clear way to win Republican support. Independent Democrats need to either put up or shut up, and back a plan that works. What’s interesting is the number of Americans who would rather continue putting their complete trust into huge for-profit corporations masquerading as insurance companies instead of allowing the government to do what they’re there to do. It’s the governments job to regulate.

17) We see what happened when the government decided to listen to lobbyists with congress members in their back pockets. The economy took a nosedive and 10% of the country is out of work as a result.
Do we not learn from mistakes? Why should your health care be based on cost-benefit analysis? We’ll take care of your illness if you don’t cost us a certain amount in the long run. A lot of Americans are running scared of what they consider “socialized” medicine, when the truth of the matter is that when it comes to capitalism health insurers are sort of self-serving.

18) People honestly believe that PRIVATE INSURERS care more about their health than they do about making a profit. Your doctor cares about your health. The insurance company cares about profit. The premiums we pay not only go toward our health plan, prescriptions drugs, etc, they also go toward paying LOBBYISTS who in turn pay legislatures to vote their pocketbook instead of their conscience.

19) How is universal health care an attack on free-market capitalism when capitalism in a free society should breed competition and competition should breed capitalism? How is it that this model works for mass produced goods and services but not for health insurance? A public option makes the system cheaper, more efficient, more comprehensive and far more viable. For the people who are uninsurable, what good is health care reform without the public option? Absolutely none. What good is it for someone with pre-existing conditions to purchase health insurance at a drastically increased cost because of the condition, yet they must omit that condition from being covered by the insurer because they don’t cover pre-existing conditions? It’s absurd.

20) The public option is essential. Those who believe in capitalism, yet do not support a public option are only fooling themselves. We can see right through you. While I don’t agree with big government as it relates to a lot of things, I do believe that its involvement is necessary and essential in regulating and providing health insurance for all Americans.

bonus) The current bill that passed the House is virtually dead on arrival when it reaches the Senate. The Senate is working on it’s own version of the health care bill to put up for vote. If/when it passes, both houses will likely merge aspects of each bill to suit the others purpose. Liberals seem to be united on including a public option no matter what revisions are made. It all remains to be seen.