From Smooth Operator To Soldier Of Love

I listened to Sade’s new joint ‘Soldier Of Love’ on my way to work this morning. I drove as my girl sat on the passenger side and did something she hasn’t done in ages … I honestly can’t even remember how long it’s been since she let her seat back and just laid back and relaxed the entire trip. She’s normally a side-seat driver who doesn’t take a minute’s rest when I or anyone else is driving with her in the car, but this time was different. 

Sade put us in a mood and we rode in silence. I soaked in the smooth, sultry delivery of Sade’s signature sound that always makes me feel a bit of nostalgia whenever I listen. My girl looked serene. I wondered what she was thinking as the lyrics spoke to us. This woman, Sade, who still stirs my soul at the sound of her heart’s thoughts expressed in lyrics and words. What I love about Sade is that she offers up her soul on a platter and serves it whole to us through her music. She puts every bit of herself into her song so that you can feel what she feels. Listening to her is always a peaceful sort of reflection because you can always find pieces of yourself or what you’ve taken your own heart through in any one of her songs.

As soon as I heard the album I was totally captivated. The entire album takes you on a journey and allows you to witness her pain, pleasure, heartache and heartbreak, past loves, scars, wounds, healing and hope for love even through the pain it once inflicted.  What I take from the album is the ability for us to keep the faith of giving and accepting love again and again despite the battles we go through in and out of it. 

Love is an addiction.  

It got me thinking back to a conversation I had with my friend (G)  the day before. G and her girlfriend broke up last week. Since then, she met a new girl and they struck up a conversation. Turns out the girl is a soft-stud lesbian who is attracted to G. She gave the girl her phone number and they’ve been getting to know each other and making love to each other over the course of the week. G spilled all the beans and unlike prior conversations where bean spilling episodes ensue, she didn’t end it with the stiff warning of: “don’t put this on your blog”, like usual. What makes this situation interesting is not only the fact that they have a lot in common, including children, one a piece, but that G still lives with her ex-girlfriend, and the new girl lives apart from her current girlfriend. G’s the type of girl that never stays single for long so I wasn’t surprised to learn that someone was trying to talk to her her up already. What I am surprised about is the speed with which this girl is trying to snatch her up with so many other things already on a half-full plate. 

 The new girl, who I’ll call (P), has been with her girlfriend for 7 years. P is 29, but her girlfriend is 45. They live apart so the fact that she cheats on her doesn’t cause major problems in the relationship, however G admits that she considers P a serial cheater. What really gets me is that this girl has recycled game, and it’s working despite the fact that her willingness and ability to cheat is already out there. I’m talking… P is running the kind of game that has G all excited about the prospect of sharing something really special with her.

I’m like… “G, are you serious?”  After everything she’s seen me put other women through, this same tired game is working? Really? For real? Damn though. Keep in mind that it’s only been one week since they’ve connected, but everything P has been telling her is everything she’s heard before, but here’s the kicker, it’s also everything she wants to hear. Every single thing. In fact, I’ve said the those very same things so often, with success, that all I could do was shake my head in disbelief that G was seriously falling for the bullshit. What’s sadder is that I was that same blatant, cocky, asshole once upon a time so I know the cycle all too well.

What boggles me is that the game is still in full effect in general and I’m seeing close friends get affected by shit that I used to say and do to girls just like them. I would often wonder how and why gorgeous women would fall for something they know sounds and is too good to be true. Sometimes it’s hard to sit and listen and not interject, but I have to find a balance where by I’m encouraging them to think independently and trust their intuition while also having fun and not getting so deeply involved that they become hurt in the process.

The one good thing is that the girl has been upfront and honest with G since the beginning. The bad is that I’m not so sure the same can be said about her girlfriend, but I’m certain the girlfriend already has a good idea that P is a major player.

It really got me thinking about myself and my cheating bastard days. Some very select friends were aware of my ways and they’d often glamorize it by calling me “Pimpin” or “Playa,” but I never felt like my romantic situations called for glamorization.

I just thought I was a smooth operator, and no one could tell me anything. Before I became comfortable with being friends with women without any sexual tension or sexual desire, I’d offer some women only friendship and there were times when she’d take my offer for only friendship as rejection. As much as I hear women complain about being the other woman, some of them are comfortable in this role. Less pressure, less stress, but what most forget early on is that less is never more and it’s an all around type of thing. You get less of everything.

So now that I’ve gotten a little older and wiser, I understand and appreciate the value of a woman’s friendship with absolutely no strings or benefits attached. If she doesn’t reciprocate my values, she can kick herself to the curb. No angles or ulterior motives, just a friendship that’s genuine and free of constraints. In many respects, I cherish the times I get to see my prior actions through others, like P for instance. Taking a critical look at the actions of the individual means I take an even harder look at what I was doing to myself and others.

We’ll see what this relationship holds for G, but in the mean time, I’m gonna break out some of my older Sade albums and lend them to her for a spell. Sade’s is the kind of music that makes you want to feel the way it makes you feel… all the time. That’s what it does for me. The reflections found within those lazy melodies bring about a feeling that makes you want to take notice. I’m hoping that maybe G will listen and take what she will from the woman I consider the Goddess of Soul. This woman speaks to other women in a way that most will pass off as just singing, but others will seek and find the deeper message.

Anyway, as the CD winded down and we got to the last song I was at peace. I turned to look at my girlfriend who reflected back at me a gorgeous, open-minded, woman who never stopped loving me despite my previous attempts to cheat myself out of the very love that I needed, wanted and desired. It continues to surround my spirit to this day.

From smooth operator to soldier of love. I kinda like the sound of that.




6 Responses to “From Smooth Operator To Soldier Of Love”
  1. Ang says:

    Once again you have written an incredible, thought provoking piece here. I really enjoyed this, and I can totally "see" the whole situation….keep up the great writing, and keep making us think!!! And yes, love is an addiction….I need a fix!

  2. Sublimefemme says:

    I love Sade too and still have all her old records. Guess I need to get my hands on Soldier of Love!

    Just curious, what are these cliches that women have heard before but still want to hear so badly? Enlighten me.

    Hope you and your girl are having a good summer!


    PS You're now on my blogroll 😉

    • Knowledge says:

      Hey there Sublimefemme. Thank you for stopping by, it's been a while. You, too, are now on my b-roll. 😉

      The cliches I speak of are your standard "Baby, I don't want anyone else but you." "I'm gonna take care of you, you don't have to worry about anything." "I love you." Dumping the ex because something "better" came along, then wanting to move the new relationship along quickly. "You're the only one I'm dating."

      …. Becoming intimate within the first week, and being told how much they "love you" in the second. <—- warning sign. These are just a few.

      The very best sign is a woman's own heart. It's up to her to listen to her feelings, trust her instinct, and go with her gut. She need not know exactly what is actually going on, but if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

  3. Sublimefemme says:

    I guess they are called cliches for a reason; sounds like the same old lines! Thanks for filling me in. Lucky me, I'm happily married. Van and I are celebrating our 15th anniversary next month, if you can believe it.

    Thanks for the add!


    • Knowledge says:

      Wow, 15 years together, what an awesome occasion. You should share your secret. 😉

      A big congrats to you and your love!!!

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