Eyes Wide Open
Prelude
Tiny cutouts of affection
All ripped up and shredded
Stored in boxes of occupants
Housed in journals and writing tips
A poet’s journey begins
With a first kiss
I made you privy to it
My collaborative compilations extracted in bits
1st Verse
Nancy was not shy, I was totally convinced of this
Secretive as heck in every encounter fate would give
A single dose of privacy on our Manchurian candidate tip
And not just because she worked for the government
One of Uncle Sam’s many guinea pigs
Booked vacations to certain nations with myself included
Flying out of town every weekend, first class exclusive
In style before it peeked in
Her idea of love deceiving
My innocence she sapped completely
Zapped my essence so intensely she left my heart strings hardly swinging
To a different rhythm now
With fantasies of what could have been
She recited other vows
Until I finally realized the jist
Buried deep beneath the cracks was a fabricated relationship
Secrets untold and otherwise what was quite obvious
Dictated by her ripping the purest trust I placed my faith in
Rendered a waste of a soul mate from the very beginning
Time tells how completely useless a cheating married woman be
To a lover with the capacity to exact love as passionately as me
To fill thin layers of dreams with far more than a back seat
She couldn’t see a future with me from where she stood
I couldn’t see her possessing my chi further damaging my goods
So it was I who decided to roll over
Allow my ego to stop stroking her
Because I’d never truly known her
She exited stage left featuring future ex-husband and daughter
No more false notions of living happily ever after, and
No chorus sounds of Hallelujah echoing from the choir stand
That cougar trampled on and extracted her claws
Scratched the surface of my being, but didn’t completely destroy my love
2nd Verse
I could not envision love again
…until Mary walked in
Little did I know she would become a mirror reflection
My future self I could see as clearly as a swollen pregnant belly
Peeling away at the layers of any lingered self doubting
Replaced uncertainty with securities I had not previously felt
Her mind contained the key
Allowed me again to lose myself
With senseless need I breathed her aroma in
Her skin was thick enough for 2
So nothing more needed to be said
Like fresh clothes hanging off a sun baked line
Placing kisses, my body over, at the stroke of midnight
Slung arms around shoulders to draw me closer in
I bared my soul so completely
Exposed all the nerve endings —
covering a backbone where neatly shone
Exposed the vulnerabilities
…she traced fingers from head to toe
No skin to mask the naked scars my body basked in effortlessly
Not yet penetrating because the scars were not tattooed permanently
“For beauty knows not pride” she often said to me
Her strength knew no ego as far as my eyes could see
I noticed it right before accepting her as my teacher
She spread my essence so far wide
She could take a peak and reach my peak first
Before poking around inside where she filled me with knowledge deep
Love ignited and inspired she took in all of me
Didn’t need no college degree but I got one anyway
Left nothing to the imagination, had me uttering incantations
My voice did not mask the weakness in my dissertation
Balled up fists were tightly seeking a reasoned explanation
Reaching beneath the stitching and fabric meant to hold us up to a standard
I lost myself in her touch, but held back just enough to become unhampered
Undone she’d become as the moment revealed itself to be temporary
She was getting wiser and growing tired of playing with the same old young thing
Our love grew weary
I can still sense her scent when breathing in those moments
Rare, like the cologne she’d wear enticing my hearts atonement
Those skinny rolled up joints she’d smoke spliff after spliff
Offered me some one day, felt dizzy after taking a hit
She became further inflamed and I; more incensed
Desire not detracting, mind grew with age and acquired wisdom
With distance we went our separate ways
A parting non too reminiscent
3rd Verse
That’s when you know who made way
So busy reflecting on what was missing
Didn’t stop long enough to make haste
Of what I should have been appreciating
The feeling of calm before a new day
The narrow passage in which my love flowed
Scratching head wondering
How she fit through the tiny ropes
Not too broad as to prevent big beautiful ideas from taking hold
This girl had hope and it was addictive and impatient
Instead I created memories anew stashed my dreams in hidden places
Never doubting the strings on hearts are purposely tied together
When she entered the picture, I should have prepared for stormy weather
How she wanted me to possess her
I would never allow it to happen
She was an ironic contradiction of my growing need for an extraction
That love you so hard it will kill you in the end
Energy kind of sapping
That follow your lust and you are bound to repeat disaster again
When blood runs cold at the thought of accepting a lover’s extended hand
How a piece of what they were you could find whole in another woman
Sturdy and dependent a pillar among timbers
Loudly soft spoken her persistence was the key
Pulling me along, proudly drumming on phony guitar strings
Had me believing her love was reminiscent of the perfect ending
Made simply, it shined as though pure but when put to the test
What it’s reflecting might just be the door to one who is soul-less
A hearty welcome she greeted me with anyway
I should have known
My soul had doors where only a deserving lover could make way
The light did not reflect upon the journey that we’d chosen
She was a wanton warrior seeking whatever
And my door was slowly closing
Shut tight no longer a hiding place for deceit and lies
Exit stage right, someone else was already occupying the left side
4th Verse
That’s when Dee walked in
Had me staring at attention
A tall, dark and handsome woman I previously envisioned
The closest to my age and bosom – I let her completely in
What did she stand for besides basketball and living
Of Love and Basketball, at both she shined so vivid
Slowly becoming that tall strong Queen of mine
Had muscles in all the right places and she was fine
Delightful, delicious, simply divine and flirtatious
She fit all words – all three a match
She was truly amazing – a delicate catch
I thought in my heart we were meant to be
Or something like that, it wasn’t meant to be
I was as wrong as two left feet
But I was happy to have had her in my life
If I were a guy she might have been my first wife
But time and tides change as with the ending of days
New beginnings make way for experiences that’ll dictate
The future and how I saw her years later
On her teaching tip, doing the up and coming ballers a favor
Wanting to reconnect in ways that could only negatively effect
Although the passion we exchanged I will never forget
The only woman that could ever make me feel the sting of her scorpian
Until the next Scopio I happened to come in contact with
Right before I was scorned again
Allowed me a short reprieve – so my heart could breathe again
In my Toni Braxton voice
She allowed me the opportunity, and we both made the choice to be
In love until it fell right out of the air in which we breathed
So we walked away – saved face – remembered the love – unchanged
We eventually journeyed in too many separate ways
When my best friend opened arms wide
I tentatively stepped in no pride
Just of want and need of love and acceptance
She gave me all without any rejecting
Who I am, all of me
Made way for the next one to swallow me
But not whole I was only partly consumed
I was like a baby still born
Unsung in the womb
…stay tuned…
More! More! More! Please More!!!