Eyes Wide Open

Prelude

Tiny cutouts of affection

All ripped up and shredded

Stored in boxes of occupants

Housed in journals and writing tips

A poet’s journey begins

With a first kiss

I made you privy to it

My collaborative compilations extracted in bits

1st Verse

Nancy was not shy, I was totally convinced of this

Secretive as heck in every encounter fate would give

A single dose of privacy on our Manchurian candidate tip

And not just because she worked for the government

One of Uncle Sam’s many guinea pigs

Booked vacations to certain nations with myself included

Flying out of town every weekend, first class exclusive

In style before it peeked in

Her idea of love deceiving

My innocence she sapped completely

Zapped my essence so intensely she left my heart strings hardly swinging

To a different rhythm now

With fantasies of what could have been

She recited other vows

Until I finally realized the jist

Buried deep beneath the cracks was a fabricated relationship

Secrets untold and otherwise what was quite obvious

Dictated by her ripping the purest trust I placed my faith in

Rendered a waste of a soul mate from the very beginning

Time tells how completely useless a cheating married woman be

To a lover with the capacity to exact love as passionately as me

To fill thin layers of dreams with far more than a back seat

She couldn’t see a future with me from where she stood

I couldn’t see her possessing my chi further damaging my goods

So it was I who decided to roll over

Allow my ego to stop stroking her

Because I’d never truly known her

She exited stage left featuring future ex-husband and daughter

No more false notions of living happily ever after, and

No chorus sounds of Hallelujah echoing from the choir stand

That cougar trampled on and extracted her claws

Scratched the surface of my being, but didn’t completely destroy my love

2nd Verse

I could not envision love again

…until Mary walked in

Little did I know she would become a mirror reflection

My future self I could see as clearly as a swollen pregnant belly

Peeling away at the layers of any lingered self doubting

Replaced uncertainty with securities I had not previously felt

Her mind contained the key

Allowed me again to lose myself

With senseless need I breathed her aroma in

Her skin was thick enough for 2

So nothing more needed to be said

Like fresh clothes hanging off a sun baked line

Placing kisses, my body over, at the stroke of midnight

Slung arms around shoulders to draw me closer in

I bared my soul so completely

Exposed all the nerve endings —

covering a backbone where neatly shone

Exposed the vulnerabilities

…she traced fingers from head to toe

No skin to mask the naked scars my body basked in effortlessly

Not yet penetrating because the scars were not tattooed permanently

“For beauty knows not pride” she often said to me

Her strength knew no ego as far as my eyes could see

I noticed it right before accepting her as my teacher

She spread my essence so far wide

She could take a peak and reach my peak first

Before poking around inside where she filled me with knowledge deep

Love ignited and inspired she took in all of me

Didn’t need no college degree but I got one anyway

Left nothing to the imagination, had me uttering incantations

My voice did not mask the weakness in my dissertation

Balled up fists were tightly seeking a reasoned explanation

Reaching beneath the stitching and fabric meant to hold us up to a standard

I lost myself in her touch, but held back just enough to become unhampered

Undone she’d become as the moment revealed itself to be temporary

She was getting wiser and growing tired of playing with the same old young thing

Our love grew weary

I can still sense her scent when breathing in those moments

Rare, like the cologne she’d wear enticing my hearts atonement

Those skinny rolled up joints she’d smoke spliff after spliff

Offered me some one day, felt dizzy after taking a hit

She became further inflamed and I; more incensed

Desire not detracting, mind grew with age and acquired wisdom

With distance we went our separate ways

A parting non too reminiscent

3rd Verse

That’s when you know who made way

So busy reflecting on what was missing

Didn’t stop long enough to make haste

Of what I should have been appreciating

The feeling of calm before a new day

The narrow passage in which my love flowed

Scratching head wondering

How she fit through the tiny ropes

Not too broad as to prevent big beautiful ideas from taking hold

This girl had hope and it was addictive and impatient

Instead I created memories anew stashed my dreams in hidden places

Never doubting the strings on hearts are purposely tied together

When she entered the picture, I should have prepared for stormy weather

How she wanted me to possess her

I would never allow it to happen

She was an ironic contradiction of my growing need for an extraction

That love you so hard it will kill you in the end

Energy kind of sapping

That follow your lust and you are bound to repeat disaster again

When blood runs cold at the thought of accepting a lover’s extended hand

How a piece of what they were you could find whole in another woman

Sturdy and dependent a pillar among timbers

Loudly soft spoken her persistence was the key

Pulling me along, proudly drumming on phony guitar strings

Had me believing her love was reminiscent of the perfect ending

Made simply, it shined as though pure but when put to the test

What it’s reflecting might just be the door to one who is soul-less

A hearty welcome she greeted me with anyway

I should have known

My soul had doors where only a deserving lover could make way

The light did not reflect upon the journey that we’d chosen

She was a wanton warrior seeking whatever

And my door was slowly closing

Shut tight no longer a hiding place for deceit and lies

Exit stage right, someone else was already occupying the left side

4th Verse

That’s when Dee walked in

Had me staring at attention

A tall, dark and handsome woman I previously envisioned

The closest to my age and bosom – I let her completely in

What did she stand for besides basketball and living

Of Love and Basketball, at both she shined so vivid

Slowly becoming that tall strong Queen of mine

Had muscles in all the right places and she was fine

Delightful, delicious, simply divine and flirtatious

She fit all words – all three a match

She was truly amazing – a delicate catch

I thought in my heart we were meant to be

Or something like that, it wasn’t meant to be

I was as wrong as two left feet

But I was happy to have had her in my life

If I were a guy she might have been my first wife

But time and tides change as with the ending of days

New beginnings make way for experiences that’ll dictate

The future and how I saw her years later

On her teaching tip, doing the up and coming ballers a favor

Wanting to reconnect in ways that could only negatively effect

Although the passion we exchanged I will never forget

The only woman that could ever make me feel the sting of her scorpian

Until the next Scopio I happened to come in contact with

Right before I was scorned again

Allowed me a short reprieve – so my heart could breathe again

In my Toni Braxton voice

She allowed me the opportunity, and we both made the choice to be

In love until it fell right out of the air in which we breathed

So we walked away – saved face – remembered the love – unchanged

We eventually journeyed in too many separate ways

When my best friend opened arms wide

I tentatively stepped in no pride

Just of want and need of love and acceptance

She gave me all without any rejecting

Who I am, all of me

Made way for the next one to swallow me

But not whole I was only partly consumed

I was like a baby still born

Unsung in the womb

…stay tuned…

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