A Cheater’s Guide To What’s In A Name

kris wilson

kris wilson

Woman cheats on girlfriend. Woman gets caught. She survives a couple months of hell and after a year, maybe, she’ll eventually overcome. If she holds on and proves she’s truly sorry then the incident goes to show that the wake up call was alarming. There’s nothing standing in her way except her girlfriend and all her army.

I am one of the lucky ones. But that doesn’t mean the amount of promises and assurances I made have completely served their purpose and I’m finally free. My girlfriend knows just about everything I currently say or do with regard to my ex-girlfriend. And it is the one thing that scares me the most and leaves me my own version of vulnerable and wide open. That comes with having nothing to hide.

There are days where I’m haunted by my affair with my ex. The main reason is that I truly loved this woman. She wasn’t just a mistress or someone I was having a sexual affair with. My feelings felt and seemed as real and as deep as I proclaimed them to be time and time again. I knew the place where she was coming from and I reciprocated those feelings. I became addicted to her and the affection and feelings and promises we both made during the course of the relationship.

Those days I torture myself about the past are the days I need my own questions to be answered and asked. So I re-read e-mails I sent to my ex and my girlfriend and sometimes I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach about the things I said and did. Damn the times when I make even myself cringe. She asked me after our affair ended why I didn’t either stop seeing her or leave my girlfriend.The easy answer is I loved them both, but that’s never good enough, not for a women so don’t even attempt to give that answer and think you won’t be questioned many times over. That may be the short answer, but there’s always a long one and that’s the one they deserve to hear. I imagine the things I’d tell my ex about my girlfriend and the things I’d tell my girlfriend about my ex and I question if there is any possible explanation that could aptly explain what was going through my mind while I was carrying on two relationships at once.

The knowledge that our relationship was beyond sexual is both relevant and irrelevant. We had a deep mental connection and that connection would go on to breed lies and deceit and anything I could concoct to keep things as they were.

Love is not to be fucked with.

And why couldn’t I ever learn that shit the easy way. Had she actually just been my mistress on the side, that’d be different, but she was far more than what I was projecting to myself and others. I felt the only woman I owed any apologies to was my girlfriend, but I was wrong.




15 Responses to “A Cheater’s Guide To What’s In A Name”
  1. Chanel says:

    "Love is not to be fucked with. And why couldn’t I ever learn that shit the easy way."

    The question of the century. It's so odd how we can ask ourselves these types of questions after the fact, but in the midst of our "slip ups" it's like we have a mental block towards going about anything the easy way. But i, like you, have learned my lesson. You're so right. Love isn't to be fucked with and if you chance it, you'll more than likely get fucked up.

  2. Chanel says:

    O and lmfao @ at the cartoon strip!

  3. Alix says:

    Wondering…would you say you were in love with them both at the same time?

  4. Knowledge says:

    Exactly. And another thing. There's no shame in learning ones lesson.

  5. Glennisha Morgan says:

    Love is something else….

  6. China says:

    Speaking from the other end it is a bittesweet feeling hearing how the otherside actually feels about past mistakes. I love my girlfriend. But getting over the bump with the ex is a Scar that I still sore when brushed against. Some relationships are strong enough to pick up afterward and some hearts are shattered to pieces. I agree 100% that love is not to be fucked with.

    But speaking from the girlfriends point of view *yes* I would hate the ex. *Yes* my love is cracked and not broken, and if love is strong enough through the bumps its worth it, we learned more about each other, and trying to make it.

  7. Knowledge says:

    Yes, I would.

  8. Tami says:

    in my humble opinion, i don't think one can be truly be in love w/ two pple at the same time. sometimes infatuation masks itself as love. because love requires and demands so much how can one person give one heart to two different people?

  9. Tami says:

    i don't think the ex is owed a thing. she knew you had a gf, she walked into with her eyes wide open, the only unwilling unknowing party to this what the gf. hell the ex owes an apology (a sincere one) to the gf too.

    if i was in a relationship where someone cheated and they were so torn between me and another person, i would say go w/ the other person. i dont think its too much to ask to have someone to be head over heels in love with me and only have eyes for me. as i've said i was cheated on by my current gf (back when we were in HS) and i am still getting over it. so it's not about love, it's about trust and respect. when you truly love someone its hard to break, but trust and respect are fragile.

    • Penu says:

      Amen. I TRUST YOU is so much more of powerful statement than I love you. You can love someone and not respect or trust them at all.

  10. Knowledge says:

    Hopefully I can give you some insight into that later today.

    I had to break this posting up into two separate parts because it was running long.

  11. Knowledge says:

    Thank you for sharing, China. Redemption is difficult, but it certainly isn't impossible.

  12. AJtheDJ says:

    I have no words for love..none.

  13. Morgan says:

    Everyone can say bad things about the "other" woman…but, if you were involved, even knowing it was wrong…she's still a human with a heart and if you were in a relationship–no matter how wrong it was—it was still a relationship. I believe nothing good comes from affairs, but all involved have feelings. I think in order to heal and move on apologies can do incredible things. When the "other" woman is dumped and feels forgotten about—-I believe it could cause more pain for all parties. I felt fucked with and instead of tip-toeing away quietly, I went out with a bang and got the closure that I needed. It didn't have to be that way…but, like you, I went back through all the old emails and texts and boy did I get an eye-opener!!! It helped me realize what I was doing and what he was doing to me. In the end….nothing good ever comes from affairs—the memories live on in your mind forever…all the sweet, and not so sweet ones.

    • Knowledge says:

      Morgan, you're absolutely right. I think all too often we focus on "other women" who are outspoken and forget that she has feelings and is a human being just like everyone else involved. I have a friend going through this right now and your sentiments resonate strongly. An apology can absolutely do wonders. The lack of one can leave additional hurt, pain and unanswered questions looming. It's unfair not to receive any kind of closure what so ever, especially if you were completely unaware of the fact that there was another woman involved in this persons life.

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